Page 42 of Reclaiming Quinn
He turned away, ashamed at the thoughts.
“To beat you. You had no reason to trust anyone, least of all Deke.” Gareth guided Quinn to the bed and gestured for him to sit, with Gareth taking a seat beside him. “Do you want to know when Deke first realized you were his mate?”
Really?A tiny flame of need flared inside Quinn. “Oh, please.”
Gareth smiled and tilted his head back, as though reliving a pleasant memory. “We were in the kitchen having chili. You came downstairs, and you were so scared. I was upset because I had no idea how to make things right for you. Deke comes rolling in, and in a matter of minutes, he did what neither Sean or I could do in all the time you were there. He calmed you, gave you focus. At first I was pissed because he was treating you like a slave. I demanded to know what he was doing. He told me he had to help you because you were his.”
The words warmed something deep inside Quinn, but that pervasive cold still crept in.
“Deke loves you fiercely. Sean explained to me about mates, and what the Mother expects. Without actually knowing the details, Deke was honoring her wishes by caring for you.”
“I love him too.” He hadn’t spoken the words aloud until now. “I know he should be the first to hear it, but you need to know how badly I want him back. I would give myself for him. I was going to, but….”
“But Sean stopped you. He knew you were willing, but you’ve got to understand that Deke would never forgive us if we allowed you to put yourself in harm’s way.”
And like the switch was flipped, rage bubbled up inside of Quinn again. He hated Gareth’s smugness, the smirk, the attitude.
“Allowed?” He stabbed a finger into Gareth’s chest. “Who the hell are you to come in here and talk about what I’mallowedto do? I know you’re the Supreme Alpha, but I don’t give a shit. You’re just my brother-in-law as far as I’m concerned, and you’re being a colossal prick. Allow. Where do you get off?”
Horror swept over him as he once again realized he’d taken his life in his hands by mouthing off. What the hell was wrong with him lately?
Gareth chuckled. “Don’t stop. Keep going.”
“I’m sorry, Gareth.”
“No, don’t be. Like I said, you had to let it out. An Alpha wears many hats, you know. Sometimes we have to keep the peace, other times we have to guide a lost wolf back to where they’re meant to be, and sometimes, like in your case, we have to be punching bags or sounding boards.” He patted Quinn on the shoulder. “Now, are you feeling better?”
Not really, no. “Sure.”
“You can’t lie to me, Quinn.”
He wasn’t sure how to say what was in his heart. “When I was a kid, Sean and I used to talk about what we’d be when we grew up. That was before Ryker. Sean wanted to be a fireman, and I wanted to be a doctor. Guess some dreams aren’t meant to be.”
“Do you still want to be a doctor?”
Did he? “I’m not sure. I mean, I’ve never had a future to look forward to, and now? I’m not sure. Maybe I want to stay near Deke.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that path, you know. I can’t bear to be away from Sean and the kids. If I can’t see them, I get edgy. Dani gets a call a few times a day so I can coo and gurgle to the babies on Skype. Even though they’re six months old, I feel like I’ve never had the chance to simply be their father.”
There was sadness in Gareth’s words. “It’s not easy, is it? Trying to balance your life with what the Mother wants.”
He sighed. “Nope. I have to say, though, it’s worth it. Because with every asshole Alpha we get rid of, a new and, hopefully, better one takes their place. It’s still going to take years to get through, but the world we’re creating needs to be a better place for our children, and I have to believe that’s worth it.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“Anything you want.”
Quinn swallowed hard. “There’s so much anger in me now, and I don’t understand it. I was never mad before.”
“Are you sure?” Gareth wrapped an arm around Quinn’s shoulders. “You never got pissed for something that Ryker did? Like when he did something to Margaret or someone else you liked.”
“No, getting mad wasn’t allowed and—oh.” Quinn had suppressed his rage at how they were all treated. He’d lain in his bed at night and wished he had the strength to save them all, but every morning he woke up as weak as he’d ever been. “I guess I did.”
“And now that anger’s coming out. That’s a good thing. It’s like lancing a boil. It hurts, but when it’s said and done, the healing can start in earnest.”
Quinn wanted to heal. He wanted to be Deke’s mate in every sense of the word. And he was ready, except….
“What’s it like to make love?”
