Page 92 of Reclaiming Quinn
Then maybe it was time they did something about it. Deke had thought about this for months, and now the time had come.
“Quinn, do you remember when I asked you if you’d ever had sex because you wanted it? Or if you’d ever been with a lover who touched you and whispered sweet words to you? Had anyone hold you after you’ve made love? Had someone gaze into your eyes as the two of you became one? To see the light that shines in those eyes and know that it’s meant for you?”
A whimper from Quinn. “Yes, I remember. No one has ever done those things for me.”
“Then I want to be the first, but I want you to be the one who gets to learn what it feels like.”
“I—what? I can’t.”
“Yeah, you can. Do you want to know why? Because you told me you wanted to take care of me, and I know you’re going to.”
“Have you ever…?”
“Nope. You’re going to be the first. The only one. I want this, because I want us to share everything in life. So please. Make love to me, okay?”
MAKE LOVEto me, okay?
Quinn swallowed the lump in his throat. “I… can’t. I don’t know what it means.”
“Oh, I think you do. You can feel it in your heart, the pull of mate to mate. How your body reacts to mine.”
“But what if I hurt you?”
Deke’s smile warmed Quinn’s insides. “You won’t, because it’s not in you to hurt anyone.” He swallowed. “I’m going to admit something to you. I’ve never bottomed before. In the couple of sexual encounters I’ve had, people thought me too broken to have sex with, or they couldn’t understand how it wouldn’t hurt me. I think that everything in my life was leading up to this moment. No, it was leading up to you, Quinn.”
Sure, Quinn knew the actions, but it never came without pain that would last for days. But he could see in Deke’s eyes the absolute trust he was placing in Quinn, and that was something he’d never experienced before.
“What… what should I do?”
“I’m going to start with the basics. Do you know what lube is?”
“Yes.” They’d never used it with him, but Quinn knew what it was. “It’s something to make penetration or… self-pleasure easier.”
“Right. Do you have some?”
He did. Dani had given it to him, explaining that she understood when young men needed something to help with their needs.
“In the drawer.”
Quinn had to bite back saying Master, because that’s how he felt he needed to address Deke now.
“Hey, look at me.” Deke cupped Quinn’s cheek. “Do you know what the best thing about having a mate is? It’s that we work toward things together. We’re always on the same page. Right now, I don’t know that we’re in the same book. Tell me what you need.”
Tears stung Quinn’s eyes. “No one ever… I mean….”
He fisted his hair, which had grown back in a bit. Deke reached up and pulled Quinn’s hands back down.
“No, none of that. No one here is judging you or angry or anything else. You’re my mate, the most precious thing in my life. If sex is too hard for you, then we just don’t do it. I would love to spend nights cuddling with you on the couch, watching a movie. We’d have a big tub of popcorn and a couple of sodas, and you and I could kick back and laugh our asses off over a comedy or cry our eyes out over a sad movie. That’s what life is to me, Quinn. Sex is good, but it’s not even remotely close to holding you in my arms and having your scent wash over me.”
Quinn wanted to tell Deke that he would rather forgo sex, because it had never brought anything but pain to Quinn. Still, Deke wasn’t wrong. Quinn’s body did react to Deke. The deep-woods scent drew Quinn in, and the whole of Deke kept Quinn enthralled.
“I want to. I really do.”
Deke squeezed Quinn’s hand. “But…. There isn’t a right or wrong answer here, you know. I will wait as long as you need me to, or we never have to discuss it again.” Deke leaned in and sniffed Quinn. “That right there is all it takes to make me happy.”
When Quinn glanced down, he could see the bulge under Deke’s towel, and he could smell the arousal. Deke wanted him, but not as a conquest. He could easily pressure Quinn, but he wasn’t. He was giving Quinn the one thing he’d never had before: a choice. The power to make up his own mind about what path he would take. Would Quinn continue to wallow in the pain of his past, or would he do as he said and take the steps to a bright future with Deke?
The answer was obvious.
