Page 30 of Waiting on Life
Waldo pounced onto my lap, reminding me that it was bedtime. “I should go. I have to open in a couple hours, and still need to sit down with Kyle for breakfast.”
“And are you looking forward to it?”
More than anything.“Yes.”
“Then have breakfast with him. See if it’s something you want to pursue.”
The nagging question finally came out. “What if it’s not? I don’t want to lead him on or hurt his feelings.”
She sighed. “It’s not in you to hurt anyone. If there’s one thing I’m completely certain of, you’ll do whatever you have to in order to make things right with this guy, no matter what direction you ultimately go.”
She had a lot more confidence in me than I had in myself.
“There’s just one thing I need to mention. Dial back your… gruffness. Let him know you’re happy to see him. I know you come off as all stoic and serious, but remember that I know you. I am aware there’s a sense of whimsy and fun in there too. Let it out and show Kyle you can be more than another grumpy bastard.”
Once again, she was right. Usually it took me a while to warm up to someone and drop the defenses to let them into my heart. It made me come off as uncaring and callous, until I did, and then it seemed like fake niceness. I had to be better than that here.
“I’ll try.”
“Let me know how it goes, okay? If Kyle is important to you, he’s going to be important to me.”
And that led to another problem. “What do you think Mom and Dad will say?”
“Are you serious right now? They’re going to say how happy they are you found someone who makesyouhappy. You know our parents don’t care about labels or who loves who. They want us to make a genuine connection with someone who cares for us and who we care for. That’s all they’ve ever wanted. Remember when I brought Mel home for Christmas the first time?”
Tammy had been nervous about our folks meeting the woman she’d fallen in love with, but she was determined that she would never be ashamed of Mel and knew if she didn’t do this, that would send the wrong message to her girlfriend. When they walked in, hand in hand, Dad had taken one look at them and beamed a smile at them so wide and so genuine, even I melted.
“Yeah, I remember.”
“They won’t do less for you. Dad drilled it into our heads that the body is just a covering for what’s on the inside. You fall in love with a person’s heart, their mind, and their soul. And that’s all that ever really matters.”
A great weight was lifted off my shoulders after talking with Tammy. It was like she’d given me permission to follow my heart, no matter what lay within it.
“Thank you. I mean it.”
“I know you do. Let go of those doubts, and if you and Kyle are meant to be, then let it happen. Don’t fight it, don’t stress about it. Love is such a rare gift, we should always hold it tight when we find the ones we want to share it with.”
“When did you get so smart?” I asked, even though I knew she’d always been smarter than me.
“About the time I stopped stressing when I realized that being bi wasn’t a curse or a disease.”
“You mean…. Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“Some journeys are meant to be taken alone. Just like you need to decide what’s right for you, I had to do the same thing. I came out stronger for it, and you will too. And always remember, I love you.”
My heart clenched, because I’d always thought of Tammy as someone I needed to protect, but it turned out she was the one who took care of me.
“I love you too.”
“Good. Now, let me get some sleep, because when Mel gets home, she and I are going to have wild monkey sex.”
“Hope you have a great time.”
She gasped. “That’s it? Where’s the jokes? The innuendo?”
Any other time, I would have relished the idea, but Tammy was there for me, and I appreciated it. “Maybe I’m growing up. Finally.”
She gave a soft chuckle. “Don’t grow up too much. I kinda like the brother I have.”
