Page 9 of Besties
“So, what? You think I’m going to say I told you so? That’s not me and we both know it. I told you years ago, I want you to be happy. If you thought he was what it took, then I would have learned to like him for your sake. Do you need me to come see you?”
“I don’t have a place to stay. The landlady is kicking me out.”
“We have a bedroom. You’re always welcome to come here.”
“That’s what Richie told me you’d say.”
“How’s he doing?”
“Good. He came to see me.”
“I figured he would. He always was your best friend.”
I sagged back onto the sofa. “Yeah, best friend.”
She sighed. “You never told him?”
That caught my attention. I sat up and looked around to ensure Richie wasn’t in the room. “Told him what?”
“How you used to feel about him. Maybe how you still do.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” In truth, my hands were sweating and my throat was thick.
She chuckled. “I worked a lot of hours, but I still got the chance to see you with Richie. You hung on his every word, and you would look at him and sigh when he couldn’t see you. Now, I might be wrong, but that tells me a lot.”
“If you’re so smart, how did I feel?” Yeah, I was being defensive, but between her and Richie, I was emotionally raw.
“You were so in love with him. It made me feel good to see you when he was with you.”
Damn. “Well, that was then.”
I hadn’t lied to Mom since I told her I had no idea what happened to her hand lotion. She never questioned it, but every time a new one appeared to replace the old. In the end, at least it left my dick silky smooth.
“I hope that someday you find someone who you can love the way you loved Richie. Maybe I’m naive, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen that look on anyone else’s face. When you were young, you gazed at him so longingly. For the longest time, I thought you just had a crush on him and it would go away, but as time went by, I could see it was more than that.”
“And you never thought to tell me?”
Her chuckle held no mirth. “What would you have said? We were already butting heads over you fighting in school and blaming yourself for your father leaving. Let me toss in ‘I know you’re gay and in love with your best friend,’ then we’d really have seen some fireworks.”
She was right, I knew it. Still…. “It would have been nice to have someone to talk to.”
She gasped. “Oh. I never thought of it like that. I’m so sorry.”
I crumpled my hurt feelings up into a ball. I wasn’t being fair to her, and she deserved better. “No, you’re right. I wouldn’t have been able to be decent about it. And anyway, it’s in the past.”
“You don’t know how sorry I am to hear that. I loved how you were when Richie was nearby. You glowed when you were around him. That’s how I knew you were in love. No one else ever got that look from you.”
If she was here, she’d probably still see it. “I should go. I haven’t slept well, and I need to try and get some rest.”
“Do me a favor, would you? The next guy you fall for? If he doesn’t make you feel like you did when you were with Richie, he’s not worth your time. Walter makes me feel like I used to when your dad and I were in love, and that’s how I knew it was right.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Get some rest, Max. And call me if you need anything at all. Always remember, I love you.”
A stone, hard and heavy, formed in the pit of my stomach. I needed someone to say those words to me, because I was adrift. “Thanks, I love you too.”
We said our good byes and hung up. I slumped back against the couch, my mind whirling.
