Page 59 of From the Shadows
Then Diego took Shay to bed and snuggled in beside him. They didn’t even have sex, although Diego’s power was so depleted, Shay could see the vein throbbing beneath his skin. Diego seemed unwilling to let Shay move away, clutching him tightly. When he asked what had happened, Diego told him.
Every detail.
It was horrific. Knowing he was effectively killing innocent people who were turned against their will was devastating to Diego, but he had no choice. It was that, or they would have killed him and Martin. Then to find out Cristobal had taken control of Diego’s mind like he had with his other thralls? To Shay, that sounded a lot like a form of rape, forcing them to do something against their will. The worst part, at least for Shay, was when Diego told him he would have gladly killed them, as long as it made Cristobal happy. When Shay asked why he didn’t, Diego hedged, then said he remembered his family, and that helped him break Cristobal’s hold on him.
“Shay…,” Diego whispered. He reached across the bed, but Shay wasn’t there. He patted the area, not finding Shay. He sat up, eyes wide. When he noticed Shay standing there, he frowned. “You okay?”
“Just thinking. I guess I was wrong when I asked what monster was scarier than a human. Cristobal scares me. What he did to you. What he’s done to those poor people. That takes monstrous to a level I never knew existed.”
Diego grabbed Shay’s wrist and tugged him back down onto the bed, then curled around him, tucking his chin in Shay’s neck. “No, you were right. There are scary things in any community, human or supernatural. What happened to you was something no one should deal with, just like what happened to those people in the warehouse. I’m not certain how Cristobal got this many people under his command, but my guess of him taking homeless people seems pretty likely. So those people were failed in life by the humans, and then in death they were denied dignity because of paranormals.”
“Because of Cristobal,” Shay corrected. “It sucked what happened, but you all helped them find peace.”
“We should have been able to do it before they died.”
Shay sighed and laced his fingers with Diego. “Yeah, because you’re omnipotent and omnipresent. You’re everywhere at all times, so you should have seen it. Gimme a break. We do what we can, protect where we’re able. We can’t take the world’s problems on ourselves. That isn’t how it works. I know it’s easy to say, but it’s true. Even heroes need lives.”
They lay there for a bit, Shay sharing his warmth with Diego, who snuggled in closer. Shay wondered if he was even aware of what he was doing. How he clung tight, as if needing the contact. This Diego was so different from the prickly one who opened the door all those months ago. He was calmer, more approachable.
Even Jeremy said Diego was happier than he’d ever seen him. They would watch television together, and Diego would pull him close. His voice broke when he admitted he loved when Diego held him because, he said, at times like these, he could believe Diego might love him back.
And Shay tried hard to not think about that. Diego needed him to live, and Shay was desperately in love with him, but he’d seen no indication that Diego returned those feelings. So, times like this, Shay would enjoy and do his best to not think too hard about it. Would he always be willing to allow Diego to sate his needs? Shay couldn’t be sure. He wanted love like his parents had. To become so close to someone, you could finish each other’s sentences, then gaze into each other’s eyes and laugh about it.
He would never have that with Diego, and he knew it. But could he settle for less than what he’d always dreamed of? That was impossible to say. He was certain of one thing, though. Leaving Diego would probably hurt like hell.
“Shay?”
He smiled at Diego. “Yeah?”
“Could you… I mean, will you hold me a little tighter? I can still feel Cristobal in my head telling me to kill my friends. I remember how badly I wanted to. How much I wanted to please my master. I need you to ground me.”
Shay tightened his grip as much as he could. “No one is your master, Diego. You’re too stubborn to allow someone else to be in control.”
Warmth on Shay’s chest had him looking down. When he saw the tears on Diego’s cheeks, he decided not to comment on them. Instead, he squeezed Diego, doing his best to keep him from falling apart.
“That’s what I always thought, but when Cristobal misted away, he looked so angry and hurt. Even though I said I was Diego, my mind screamed that I belonged to him and I needed to go after him, show him my love. Do whatever—kill whoever—I had to in order to get back into his good graces.”
This bastard had hurt Diego. Had been responsible for the deaths of dozens or more. “He has to die. You know this, right?”
Diego nodded, the scruff on his chin scratching against Shay’s nearly hairless chest. “But I don’t think I can be the one to do it. Maybe Martin. If Ranna was healthy, she might be able to, but I’m not sure the others could take him down. I’m guessing Martincould. Being made of fire would put Cristobal at a serious disadvantage.”
Shay had seen many sides of Diego, but never the broken one he now held in his arms. He wanted to say something pithy and inspiring, but he couldn’t. Diego knew his limits, and Shay couldn’t tell him to move beyond them.
“What am I going to do?” he whispered. “What if next time I can’t break free? What if he uses me to hurt someone? What if he forces me to kill Jeremy?”
“Can I be truthful?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“No one in the universe could make you hurt your son. You would die before you’d do something against him.”
“I don’t know….”
Shay grabbed his chin and forced Diego’s head up. “I do. I’ve seen you with him. You are fiercely protective of him. You might not have been part of his birth, but you are the one he considers his father. Remember that, and Cristobal can’t hurt you.”
“But the others….”
“Are yours too. The entire team is yours. Your friends. Your family. They’re your reason for living. Stay strong, hold them in your heart, and they won’t ever let you down. None of us will.”
