Page 17 of The Grizzly Situation
“Answer me.”
“I did. I fail to see your point. You’re their mother. Taking care of them is your primary responsibility.”
Her eyes widened, and her nostrils flared. She reached up and stroked slender fingers across my cheek, never breaking eye contact. “No, my love. Taking care of them isourprimary job. That’s both of us. We’re a team, not two separate individuals. If that’s how you see our family, then maybe we need to redefine our roles.”
She gave me a laundry list of things she did during the day. Stuff that would be much easier if the two of us tackled it, instead of me being at the office from early in the morning until late at night, crawling in long after the kids were asleep and then expecting my dinner. Then she reminded me the boys needed their father, and asked if I wanted them to have the same kind of relationship I had with mine.
That rattled me, because in her eyes, I was on the road to becoming that same cut of man. The one I loathed.
Dad moved to Spring, Texas after he was summarily ‘retired’. We hadn’t spoken since. Did I want my boys to do that one day? Cut me out of their lives and move on like I’d never existed? Jenna opened my eyes to the reality of life. I was strolling down the same path as my father had, and that was something I’d hated. I made sweeping changes—with Jenna’s input, of course. Women were welcome to get a job. Guys were allowed to stay at home to take care of the family.
Me? I still worked hard. It was the one habit I couldn’t seem to break.
Until the day Jenna told me she’d been to the doctor. He’d warned her about her blood pressure. Bear shifters weren’t like wolves. We were disease resistant, but not immune. Jenna was at home playing with the boys when she suffered a fatal stroke. They didn’t understand why she wasn’t getting up and started screaming, begging her to open her eyes. One of the maids,alerted by their cries, stepped into the room and found Jenna’s body. She was already gone by the time emergency services arrived.
The boys were… different after that. They were withdrawn, reticent, shut off from the world. They seemed to slow down in their maturation process, remaining toddlerlike in most of their actions, instead of childlike. The psychologists said that it was the trauma of seeing their mother die, and that it had to heal on its own. The boys had to know they were loved, and they needed everyone to show it. They’d gotten a little better since then, but nothing I’d consider groundbreaking.
The weeks after that were a blur. The care of the kids went mostly to the staff while I powered through my job. Before I realized it, nearly two years had gone by. The kids were distant with me, and I knew why. It was as Jenna warned me, Daddy had become a stranger to them. He was like Santa. Sweep in once in a while, drop off a few gifts, and figured that was enough to earn love until the next time.
It didn’t work like that.
And I had to drag my head out of my ass to open my eyes to reality.
Chapter Five
ULY
“We got the jobs!”Jamie shouted, so loud I had to pull the phone away from my ear.
“Good. I’m glad,” I replied, a bit acidly. I didn’t want to be upset, because they both deserved better than what they got. It was jealousy, and I admit it, but I really wanted something nice to happen to me once in a while.
“Did you even bother to contact him? I doubt he hands out those cards to every Harry Dick who approaches him.”
It was an old joke from when we were kids. It always made me laugh, because it was one of those naughty things you were told you couldn’t say, but still found a way to do. This time? I didn’t even crack a smile.
“I told you, I’m not going to. I’d rather cut out the middle man of my firing, and get to the meat of it. No one is going to be happy having me as an employee. If I could get disability for my terminal klutziness, I would.”
He sighed, and even I could hear the judgment over the line. “Look, I’m not going to sit here and go through all this again.Deb and I both told you what we thought. Have you checked with a doctor?”
Of course I hadn’t. “No,” I answered.
“Then let me ask you something, Ulysses. How badly do you want this problem fixed, if you’re not willing to take steps toward getting it done?”
Wow, he’d used my full name. I couldn’t remember the last time he’d done that. “Please don’t be mad.”
“I’m not mad. Well, not much. I’ve heard you talk about your issues for years, but now that we’ve tried to coax you into having them checked out, you’re resistant. Lemme ask you something. Is it because it’s easier for you when people push you away to blame it on the clumsiness?”
Yes, goddamn it, it was. All my so called friends disappeared when I got upset they teased me about my lack of coordination and the near constant brain fog. You can only hear so many comments like that, followed by the inevitable “lighten up, it’s just a joke” before you snap. If I was being honest with myself, I’d rather have no friends than the ones who feel as though laughing at me is perfectly acceptable, and I should just take it.
“You know what? I’m really super duper glad your life is perfect!” I shouted. “I’m sorry that I can’t be as fucking cool as you, or as smart, or as good at baking, or be married to?—“
“You fucking stop right there,” he snarled. “You say one bad thing about Deb, who has been on your side for-fucking-ever, and this conversation is over. I don’t care what you say about me, but you donotbadmouth her. Do I make myself clear?”
And I knew I was about to. I can’t adequately express the shame I felt, because Jamie was right. This was my lowest point ever. No job, refusing to put myself out there, because I thought I’d be hurt again, and was ready to push my family away too? That had to stop.
“I’m sorry. I—Fuck. I’m going to make an appointment today, I promise.”
“Uly…” His voice was soft. “We love you. We want you to see if there’s something out there that can help you. We’re not trying to be assholes, I swear.”
