Page 2 of The Prince and His Stolen Groom
“You are a Calamity,” her husband replied affectionately.
“Might as well join in the fun,” another king said, holding up his goblet in a toast. “We’ll be Misfortune. Let every evil bastard meet such an end if they step on our lands.”
The others whooped in excitement and banged on the tables at this proclamation. While they celebrated, the Good Wizard accepted his fate and wrote out the new names.
“Oy, no need to be so gloomy, good fellow,” the last king said, giving him a sloppy smile. Then his eyes widened, and he grabbed his wife’s shoulder, shaking her excitedly. “Gloom!Gloom!”
“Gloom!'' Everyone cheered, clanking their glasses.
“That completes the whole damn set,” the King of Bane crowed triumphantly.
Giving up, the Good Wizard asked in a blank voice, “And what shall you call the lands?”
Several ideas were tossed around until the Queen of Misfortune said, “Why don’t we keep the theme going? We’ll call ourselves The Desolated Lands. No one will want to visit us, no matter how good our spas are.”
More cheering ensued and more wine was called for to celebrate their new kingdoms.
They had to wait until the next morning, eyes bleary and heads throbbing, to learn about the second component of the spell.
The Good Wizard surveyed the leaders of the Desolated Lands with pursed lips, struggling but unable to suppress his annoyance. “Are we ready to continue?” he asked, tapping one foot testily.
The King of Bane, a cold washcloth over his eyes, waved his hand regally in the air. “Yes, of course, tell us what else this spell requires.”
“For this spell to work, your five kingdoms must form an unbreakable bond.”
“After last night, I think we’re quite bonded,” the King of Calamity chuckled.
The Good Wizard had left well before the celebrations ended and he had no wish to understand the looks they exchanged, so he quickly moved on. “You have a few options for this part,” he began, pulling out his second—much smaller—list. “First, each kingdom may choose a champion of royal blood to go on a quest to defeat a great and terrible evil.”
The Queen of Calamity raised her hand. “Is there a specific evil you have in mind? Or will any great and terrible evil suffice?”
Finally, some good questions.“Any evil the wizard council has declared ‘great and terrible’ will do. However, the quest must be repeated every generation to renew the spell.”
“What if our champion dies before the quest is completed? Is that kingdom no longer protected?” the King of Gloom asked, the furrow in his brow suiting his new kingdom’s name.
“So long as they participate fully until the point of their death, and so long as the quest itself is completed, the kingdom will remain protected.”
“I never want to arrange another damn quest in my life. What are our other options?” the King of Misfortune demanded.
“The second option is to sacrifice one royal child from each kingdom to seal the—” Dread shivered down the Good Wizard’s spine. He looked up from his list to find ten furious parents glaring at him. He coughed delicately and said, “No, never mind, not that option. Um, so then, our last one is marriage.” He peeked up at them nervously, then sighed in relief when he saw their anger had turned to contemplation.
“Marriage wouldn’t be so bad,” the Queen of Woe began tentatively. “It would also solidify our alliances …”
The Queen of Bane asked, “How many marriages are we talking about? Or are all five of them expected to join in one union?”
“As long as at least one royal family member from each kingdom marries a royal family from one of the other kingdoms, the spell will hold,” the Good Wizard explained.
“Does everyone have unmarried children?” the Queen of Gloom asked, looking around the room.
“We’ve got twin boys, just came of age,” the Queen of Misfortune offered.
The kings sat back as their wives offered up their children for matchmaking, none of them consulting the children involved. In the end, it was decided that the twin Princes of Misfortune would marry Princesses from Woe and Bane, and a Prince from Calamity would marry a Princess of Gloom.
Once that was all decided, the Good Wizard explained, “Like the quests, the next generation will also need to marry.”
“Won’t that lead to,” the King of Woe trailed off, but everyone heard the word he didn’t say:incest.
“With careful planning, we can avoid that for the second generation,” the Queen of Gloom said. “But the one after that …” They all looked to the Good Wizard with varying degrees of discomfort.
