Page 92 of The Celtic Resolution
“Maybe. She’s uhm…” I savor another grape. “She’s just happy the family is alive.”
“Mmmhmm.” Bruno rolls his head in my direction and locks eyes with me. “Me too.”
“Don’t look at me like that,” I smirk.
His brows twitch. “Like that.”
“Likethat. Like you’re seeing me for the first time.”
“Well…” Bruno’s voice softens to match his gaze. “It’s because I’m never taking that for granted ever again.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
“Right now. But if this year has taught me anything, it’s that I can’t rely on anything remaining stable. So I’m going to treasure every moment with you and Liam for the rest of my life.”
Normally, I’d roll my eyes at such a thought and drive my elbow into his ribs until he stopped being so sappy but tonight, it’s enjoyable. Maybe I’m just softer because I miss my baby.
“Do you think about it?” I ask. “What the rest of Liam’s life is going to be like?”
Bruno nods and turns his attention back to the sky. “All the time. I never… I never thought I’d have kids so I never thought about it. But suddenly I’m dreaming of playing catch with him, or sitting in art class if he likes to paint, or pouring throughmagazines if he decides fashion is his passion. I just know, deep down, that I’m going to be there for him no matter what. But—” Bruno hesitates and falls silent.
“But?”
He doesn’t answer. He keeps his gaze up and his breathing slow but his eyes dart as if he’s counting stars to remain calm. Slowly, I crawl across the picnic blanket and then slide into his lap before I can change my mind.
Bruno’s eyes snap down to meet mine and his brow reaches his hairline as surprise opens up his face. “Saoirse?”
“Tell me,” I say, settling onto his hips. “But what?”
Bruno swallows audibly. “I—” The word catches in his throat once more so I place my hand over his as it rests on his abdomen.
“You…?” I prompt.
“I’m scared,” he says hoarsely.
“Of?”
“You sitting in my lap.” His cheeky smile is nothing more than an attempt to deflect but I’m not giving up so easily.
“Come on. Tell me. Surely we’re past the ability to have secrets.”
“It’s not a secret,” he says carefully. “I… I’mterrified. Honest to God I’m more scared of being a Dad than anything else I’ve been through. I’m so terrified that I’m either going to turn out like my own father, or that my attempts tonotbe like him will be too much and I’ll end up pushing Liam away. Either way, I’m scared of fucking up and losing him and not seeing it until it’s too late.”
My heart squeezes in my chest and I interlace our fingers. “Bruno. You are nothing like your father.”
“You don’t know that,” he replies hoarsely and his eyes shine on his next blink. “Having kids changes people. Maybe I’m what changed my father.”
“Don’t you dare.” My grip tightens. “For one, I don’t think your father ever lay awake at night worrying if he was a good father or not. But you do. You want to be good. You want to be the best and you’ve experienced the worst so I think that will guide you.”
“But—”
“—And.” I cut in quickly. “I will be here. And if I see you straying or I think you’re pushing yourself too hard then I will absolutely drag you back, understand? Because you’re not alone in this, Bruno. With Liam, we are a team. And we have ahugefamily to help us love him and care for him. We’re a team, remember? Liam is going to be the most loved baby in the entire world and you are going to be a good father. I know it.”
“You don’t know it.” Bruno’s voice is low and hoarse as if he’s holding back tears.
Leaning down slowly, I brace on one hand next to his head and stare deep into his eyes. “Bruno. Look at me.”
He does instantly.
