Page 18 of Property of BamBam
I think about what Issy’s just said and nod. She can’t come out and stay at the ranch unless she’s an ol’ lady or a club girl. One she’s definitely not ready for and the other? Well, I’ll never judge the girls who are there for the brothers in whatever capacity they need, but Livy doesn’t strike me as that kind of woman. Especially not after her treatment at the hands of a man she knew well.
“I think I’ll work on doing that,” I reply as we hit the fork. “Let Rio know if he needs me, I’ll be in my room.”
She winks at me and teases while walking away, “So will he, but I’ll be sure to pass the message along.”
CHAPTER
TWELVE
Olivia
“This is gonna be hard,” I mumble to myself as I return to my room to take care of Theo. Once he’s settled, I head back down with the baby monitor in tow to find Beth in the room she uses to conduct individual therapy sessions.
First and foremost, I need to tell her what I forgot to tell Doc. I think if I can get that issue out in the open and possibly resolved, I’ll be in a far better mental place to deal with the other stuff that I’m sure therapy will reveal.
“Hey, Livy,” Beth says, greeting me as I walk into the room and close the door. “Make yourself comfortable,” she continues, pointing to the furniture that dots the room. “I’ll sit accordingly, okay?”
“That sounds good,” I reply as I head over to a chaise lounge that has an ottoman. I’m still pretty sore, so I take a few minutes to get comfortable. Whether or not it’s so I can put off what I need to say is a secret I’ll take to the grave. “Um, Beth, I remembered something that worries me.”
A comforting smile stretches across her face as she says, “Well, you’ve come to the right place. Why don’t you tell me what it is so we can unpack it?”
“I know that Doc ran a lot of tests on me. Do you… do you know if he ran one for sexually transmitted diseases?” I’m not worried about pregnancy since I got the implant as soon as possible after Theo was born. That was one less thing for me to worry about when it came to my ex and his proclivities.
“Let me look in the file he sent over,” she replies, opening a folder that’s on a table next to where she chose to sit.
I wait, my leg incessantly bouncing as I run through every scenario possible, for her to scan the documents. It feels like it’s taking her forever, but that probably has more to do with the fear coursing through me right now at what the results might state. I know I’ll have to sharethatat some point as well, but I’m honestly not quite ready to do it just yet. As the silence stretches, I try to think of something to say to fill the uncomfortable void but come up empty. I’ve got nothing at all because this has been weighing so heavily on my shoulders.
“Okay, it looks like he literally ran every single test possible,” she murmurs, her gaze still on the papers in front of her. “And… it looks like everything is negative. He does have a note at the bottom that he wants you to test again in six months. Is there a reason for that?”
Here goes nothing,I think to myself. “Jasper wasn’t the faithful kind,” I reply, still not ready to dive into the actual reason I’m so worried.
“Well, that makes sense then. Even if you used protection, his actions could potentially have consequences for you, and some things don’t show up right away,” she says.
“He didn’t like using rubbers,” I admit, my face flushing in embarrassment. “He said it ‘didn’t feel as good’ so I have to believe that he felt the same with the other women he slept with.”
I almost snicker sincesleepingwas the last thing he did with any female who had a beating pulse. He barely stayed within the bounds of propriety as far as their age went, which was disturbing to me on so many levels. I drew the line at what he wanted me to do to ‘enhance his pleasure’ because while I had no issues keeping things trimmed up, I refused to go completely bare. It was definitely a bone of contention between us, but for me, it gave me the ick, although I had friends who preferred it for themselves. To each their own as far as I was concerned.
“As a mom, I can understand wanting to make sure there were no lasting ramifications of Jasper’s behavior,” Beth states. “Now that you know that let’s dive in, shall we?”
By the time my session is nearly done, I feel completely wrung dry. The irony is, we mostly discussed my childhood, my relationship with my parents, and how I was as a student while in school. Other than the initial foray into my test results, we didn’t discuss anything concerning Jasper. Part of me is grateful, but another side wants to hurry up and heal.
“It’s a process, Livy. Think of domestic violence as a crockpot meal. Little things go in at first, maybe it’s something that’s saidover and over again to break you down. Then, when you’ve been isolated enough, the physical side is added. Sometimes, financial abuse joins the mix. Studies have shown that it can take women up to seven to ten times of the dish served cold before they leave for good.”
I think about what she’s saying and realize that I had beendonefor quite some time, but then I got pregnant with Theo and felt stuck, especially once I had to stop working and bringing in income for myself. So, I had to bide my time, saving money here and there while I planned to leave. I know that it’s probable that Beth, and maybe even BamBam, think that the tipping point to me running was Jasper threatening Theo, and while it partially was that the real reason was far more sinister. I’m just not ready yet to dig into that because what if Beth thinks I brought it on myself?
“Not everyone gets away, do they?” I ask, although I suspect I know the answer.
“Unfortunately, no,” she says. “Sometimes they do, but their abuser finds them and kills them. Other times, they never leave because they’ve been broken down so fully, they don’t see that there’s hope and healing.”
“I’m glad I ran,” I whisper.
“I am as well,” she replies, smiling at me. “Now, you have homework before your next session.”
I groan which makes her laugh. “What is it?”
“I want you to write a letter to your parents. Tell them about Theo, let them know what you’ve been up to. It may reveal some hidden feelings you aren’t aware of concerning their deaths,” she states. “Eventually, you’ll write one to Jasper as well.”
“Do… do I have to share them out loud?” I know my voice is higher pitched than normal, but the thought of sharinganyof what I went through is scary as hell.
