Page 19 of Property of BamBam
“That’ll be totally up to you,” she replies. “However, what I’ve found in my time doing this is that when you verbalize something, a lot of the shame behind it dissipates. It’s no longer a hidden secret because someone else, or if you choose to share in group therapy, others, will know. Shame and embarrassment often keep women shackled to their abuser because in their mind, it’s not so bad, or it’s not as awful as it could be. Letting others help shoulder the load allows you to draw from their experiences. It’s a process, Livy, and it’s never going to be perfect. As I tell all the women who come through here, we’re aiming for progress not perfection. At the end of the day, if you’re able to heal from what happened to you so you can move forward in a healthy and loving relationship, then you’ve succeeded.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever want to be involved with someone again,” I admit. “It’s too frightening.”
“And that’s understandable considering where you’re at in your journey, Livy. Now, you may not think what we discussed today was much, but I promise you, it was. Why don’t you get some rest, and we’ll see you later.”
“Okay. Thanks, Beth.”
“It’s my pleasure, Livy.”
After swinging through the kitchen to make a sandwich, I grab a bottle for Theo, warm it up, then take my food, his bottle, and some water up to my room. I did jot formula down on the list that’s posted on the refrigerator, so I make a mental note to check the price in order to give the house mother money for the purchase. Hopefully, it won’t be long before I’m able to go out with the others on Saturdays when they head into town to shop. However, the first few weeks, it’s highly recommended that a new patient stay on the premises. In my case, I don’t think that Jasper has the first clue where I’m at, but I have no problem sticking close to Hope House. Outside of how I felt when I was at the Kings clubhouse, I feel safe.
Entering my room, I set all of my stuff on my nightstand, including the baby monitor, and seeing that Theo’s just starting to stir, I quickly hit the bathroom to relieve my full bladder. He’s just about ready to start wailing when I reach the crib.
“Hey, little man,” I coo, reaching in to pick him up. “How’s Mama’s big boy? Let’s get you changed and fed, okay?”
It doesn’t take long to change him and soon, he’s cuddled up against me as I feed him his bottle. His little grunting noises make me giggle, something I feel free to do whereas before, I tried to keep him and myself as quiet as possible, especially when Jasper was home. Seems that Theo is also healing from the hell I endured.
One of the things that Mongrel found when he shopped for me several weeks ago was something that almost looks like a soft cage of sorts. It’s not very tall but fits on the bed so that Theo can have tummy time in a secure environment while I eat. He still spends a lot of time sleeping which is understandable, so once I’m done with my sandwich, I get him back in the crib.
While I get that some people co-sleep with their babies, it’s not something I feel comfortable with at all. I’ve heard too many people have accidentally rolled over and smothered their babies and quite frankly, if I did that? I’d probably end my own life.
“Okay, Theo, Mama’s gonna take a nap, too. This healing stuff is hard work, let me tell you,” I tell him as I smother his face with kisses before I get him settled. “Then, when we get back up, we’ll go hang out downstairs. I know you want to flirt with the other ladies.”
He may not understand what I’m saying, but the gummy grins and wildly clapping hands show me that he likes the tone I’m using. Smiling, I head back over to the bed, grab the fuzzy throw that Mongrel bought me and curl under it while I think about the letter I need to write to my parents.
Yeah, that’s going to be a rough one. I’m not sure they’d be proud of the choices I made after they died. But then again, it was their deaths that had me making the move into Jasper’s trailer. Not that I blame them for what happened by any means, I just wish they’d have been better prepared and had a will or something. I make a mental vow to myself that I’ll be sure to put plans in place for Theo in case anything happens to me and briefly wonder if Beth knows of someone who can help me do that very thing.
As I fall into a light doze, my mind drifts to BamBam. I wonder what he’s doing and if he even thinks about me beyond his involvement in getting me to safety. While I wasn’t wrong when I told Beth I’m nowhere near ready to get involved in another relationship, if I was, he’d check off every single box for me.
CHAPTER
THIRTEEN
BamBam
I’m in town today doing the collections for the laundromat the club runs, Sudz and Soak, when an idea pops into my head. It’s something I’ll need to bring to the table, but hopefully, it’ll work plus it’ll give Livy a job and a place to live once she’s able to leave Hope House.
We need an employee who is able to take in laundry, then get it washed, dried, and folded. Right now, we don’t offer that service, which would probably pay for someone’s salary itself, plus there’s a fully furnished apartment overhead. A decent salary, plus room and board, would definitely help her get back on her feet.
“How’s it going, Buddy?” I ask the employee who watches the place when it’s open.
“Not too bad, BamBam,” he replies. “Had someone else ask if we were ever going to expand the laundering services here. Hell, we have some people who want their comforters done since their machines at home can’t handle the big bulk loads.”
“I’ll bring it up to Rio,” I reply. “Gonna collect the money then get outta your hair.”
He’s not a bad guy, has lived here his whole life in fact, which means he has his pulse on the community. He hands me the heavy canvas bag we use since most of the machines take either coins or bills. “Need any help?”
“Naw, I got this, I can see you’re busy cleaning.”
We only have a few employees who currently work at this club business, and Buddy takes a lot of pride in ensuring the place stays spic and span. I know I appreciate it tremendously because the prospects have enough to do at the clubhouse and ranch. However, if he didn’t, we’d send them in to take care of things. It’s what we do.
“Buddy, have you seen anyone new around town?” I ask as I move down the first row of machines.
I know from experience that by the time I’m done, the bag’s going to be heavy as hell, which is one reason I begrudgingly drove one of the ranch’s trucks into town. It’s so nice out, I’d have preferred my bike, but there’s no way it would all fit. Plus, the truck has a hidden compartment that I’ll put the bag in just in case anyone decides that today will be the day they’re going to fuck with the Kings.
“Can’t say as I have, BamBam,” he responds. “But you know if I do, y’all will be my first phone call. This is y’all’s town, after all.”
I barely hide my smirk. One of the reasons Buddy is kind of on the outside of society is he suffered some kind of damage when he was born. He’s likely slower than what a lot of employers would prefer, but for our needs, he’s perfect. He’s loyal, doesa fantastic job, and takes pride in the fact that he has an ‘important job’ helping others keep their stuff clean.
