Page 13 of Beneath the Scars
“I do wish you could stay the night,” I tell Zane.
“And tempt the wrath of Mr. Intense? No, thank you.”
“When can we hang out again?”
“I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get another day off, but anytime you want to come to Greensboro, baby, I’m there.”
Pulling up next to Zane’s tiny truck, I give him a hugacross the console. “It’s really good to see you. We’ll talk soon, and let me know when you get home safely.”
“You know I will.” He gets out of my car and into his own. I wait for him to pull out first before following behind him.
Heading straight to Mom and Dad’s house, I think about all the things that happened tonight. Michael was definitely not acting normally. He almost always keeps his distance and has never once come across as jealous about other guys.
The more I think about it though, the more I’m not entirely sure he’s ever seen me with a guy. I only dated a little bit in high school, and that amounted to guys taking me to the movies with our friends. Then, after I went to college, I felt too out of my element to date much. Being younger than everybody made things a little strange for me. Add on graduating from undergrad early and starting vet school—again, years younger than everybody else—and I wasn’t comfortable dating the guys I met.
I couldn’t stop comparing Michael to the guys who asked me out, and it never felt the same.
Michael never made me feel out of place or lacking in any way. Even after my failed attempt at a kiss, Michael didn’t give me shit for it. I was probably more awkward about it than he was.
So tonight was strange, and it’s finally time for him to either put up or shut up. I can’t keep doing whatever it is that we’re doing right now.
I say a quick hi to Mom, Dad, and Vivi when I get home. We catch up, standing around the kitchen, talking about our days and how my visit with Zane went.
I’m champing at the bit to talk to Michael, but I need time to decide what to say before it gets too late to do anything—and cutting out early would make my family suspicious.
It takes way longer than I’d like to finally get up to my bedroom and getready for bed.
By the time I’m lying down, I pick up my phone to start typing a message to Michael, only to find one from him already on my screen.
It seems I’m not the only one thinking it’s time we have that conversation.
Chapter 7
Journal Entry #115
She kissed me.
She fucking kissed me, and I recoiled as if she had the plague.
How long have I been dreaming about kissing Addie? How many times have I imagined how soft her lips would feel against mine? I’m a teenage dude. My brain is creative. I have a million and one fantasies of the two of us together.
But instead of grabbing her and kissing her back, I flinched.
I hear my therapist’s voice in my head. Trauma is ingrained in my body… Whatever. I had the chance to finally be with Addie, and my instincts betrayed me.
The way her face dropped. God, I’ll never get that look out of my head. I couldn’t even say anything. She ran away before I could get my brain to work fast enough to tell her it wasn’t her fault.
Now, I’m never going to get a chance to explain. She won’t want to even be in the same room as me, let alone have a conversation. And I’m too chickenshit to talk to her first.
I wish I weren’t so broken inside.
Maybe then I’d have a chance to be with Addie.
She’s the only girl who’s ever seen me as I am and still wanted to spend time with me.
I guess I’ll just have to get used to loving her from a distance.
Chapter 8
