Page 35 of Beneath the Scars
I squeeze her shoulder. “Let me go.” With my heart in my throat, I head upstairs. Ryan’s bedroom door is open—I hope that’s a good sign. He’s sitting on the side of his bed, his feet planted firmly on the ground, his hands fisted in his light brown hair.
It’s as if I’m staring down the barrel of a gun. I know I need to say something to get out of this situation, but I’mterrified I’ll say the wrong thing and end up losing everything in the process.
“Ry,” I croak. “I’m sorry.”
He slowly lifts his head. “What exactly are you sorry for?”
My knees try to buckle under me, so I sit down in his desk chair to keep from falling. “Everything, I guess. I…” I blow out a breath. “I should’ve told you. This was not how I imagined you finding out.”
“And when was I supposed to find out?”
“Soon?”
Ryan gives me a dark look, an expression I’ve never seen him make before. “Helpful.”
“Ry… I don’t know what to say. I know I’m the furthest thing from good for Adalaide. I’m sure you’re probably pissed that I even thought about touching her. God knows I tried my fucking hardest not to pursue this, but Addie didn’t give me much of a choice. You know how headstrong she can be. Although that’s not exactly fair—I wanted her just as much. It doesn’t excuse the fact that I shouldn’t have touched my best friend’s fucking sister.”
“You think that’s why I’m mad?” My head whips up at Ryan’s tone. “You think I have a problem with you dating my sister? Michael, you’re the best man I’ve ever known. Who else would I trust to take care of her better than you? That’s not why I’m pissed.”
Shock bolts through my system as his words begin to penetrate.
“How could you not tell me? I’m your best friend. This is a huge deal for you. You’re dating someone for the very first time, and you kept me out of it. Why?”
“I didn’t think you’d approve. You know all of my secrets, Ry. You’ve seen all the broken pieces of my soul, and for some reason, you still want to be in my life. How could you ever want someone like me to be with Addie? She’s starlight,brightening the night sky, while I’m the shadows, sucking all that shine out of the room. Who in their right mind would be okay with that?”
He’s silent for a long moment. I’m on pins and needles, waiting for him to finally tell me to get out of his life and never come back. “I’ve always struggled with the way you see yourself. The first time you said something like that, we were ten, and I promised myself that I’d show you how happy I was to have you in our family every single day. I thought I’d done an okay job until now.” He breathes out a laugh. “I still remember the first time I met you. We sat in Aunt Megan’s library, reading for hours while our parents hung out together. I was so excited to have met a kid who was like me. Socializing was the worst. It was always so loud at those parties, and I finally had someone who felt the same way I did.”
“I loved that too. You didn’t talk incessantly or ask me a million questions. I felt like I could relax around you, which was huge back then.”
Ryan smiles at me. “Until we realized we loved all the same books, and then neither of us could shut up.”
I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees, as a fond smile tugs at the corner of my mouth. I couldn’t believe the luck I had, finding a friend who matched me in the most important ways.
Ryan exhales before he continues, “I hated how hard it was for you to believe that we truly wanted you to be part of our family. We loved you so much, and I thought it would just take time for you to see the truth. Apparently, you never actually saw what we saw.”
“And what’s that?”
“That you were always meant to be part of our family.”
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep the tears welling in my eyes from falling. It doesn’t seem to work because they spill over anyway.
“I’ve always known how you felt about Addie.”
My gaze flies to Ryan’s.
He’s looking at me like I’m an idiot. “I’m your best friend, Michael. Did you truly think I never noticed when you were mooning over her?”
I scoff. “I never mooned over her.”
“Mm-hmm. Whatever you want to tell yourself. The point is, you’ve had my support since the very beginning. I think you’re good for each other. I just wish you’d believed in me and trusted me enough to tell me.”
I move over to sit next to Ryan, bumping his shoulder with mine. “It was more about how much I believed in myself, not you. I wasn’t even sure Adalaide would stick around for very long.”
“How could you think that? She’s been in love with you since she was a kid.”
“It’s been well established that my thoughts don’t make a lot of sense when it comes to this family.”
Ryan shakes his head at my halfhearted teasing.
