Page 30 of My Gentleman Spy
What had he said about his time on the continent? She wracked her brains. For all her evasiveness, he too had managed to reveal little of himself or hispast.
“Good. Well at least we have established your real name,” hesaid.
“How?” shereplied.
He stood up from the chair, and put the key in his coatpocket.
“This morning I went to the shipping office down at the dockside. When you and your parents came ashore you were all registered with the local port authority. It didn’t take long for me to find your name among the list of passengers from theBlade ofOrion.”
Hattie pushed her back up against the cabin wall. While it did little in a physical sense, it at least helped her to mentally create distance between them. Hot tears came to her eyes and her hands started to shake. She felt herself on the verge of losing control. She clasped her hands together and sucked in several deepbreaths.
Hattie looked down at her tightly twisted hands. What was she to donow?
“What do you want?” she finallyreplied.
He met her gaze. An unexpected softness appeared on his face. The same warmth shone in his eyes as had done at St Michael’s cave. She gritted her teeth, refusing to allow herself to be fooled by his act onceagain.
“I want the truth Hattie. As I have said before, I cannot help you if you refuse to let me do so. I do not need to know it all, keep whatever secrets you feel you need. But after all that I have done for you, I deserve someexplanation.”
She sat and stared at her hands while she contemplated hiswords.
They were at sea. The next landfall was England. If she did tell him the truth, there was little he could do between now and when the ship reached London. For all that he had done for her, he really did deserve the truth. Or some of it atleast.
“What do you want toknow?”
“Good. May I suggest a good place to start would be an explanation of how it was that you came to be floating in Gibraltar harbor,” hereplied.
Hattie climbed off the bed, and walked over to the window. Under the window was a small padded wooden bench. It would be the sort of place to sit and read a book on a long seavoyage.
She sat down, relieved when Will made no indication to move from his spot closer to thedoor.
Where exactly was she to begin? For such a longtime, her life had been about serving others. No one had ever asked for herstory.
“My parents underwent a religious conversion several years ago. My father renounced much of our privileged life as being wicked and not worthy of the path he had chosen to follow. I have spent much of the past two years working in the rookery of St Giles trying to help those less fortunate thanus.
About a year ago Papa met the Reverend Peter Brown and his whole focus shifted. Peter Brown convinced my father that the poor of London were not enough. His plans were grander. Rendering earthly assistance meant nothing, when there were thousands of souls they could be converting. That’s when they hit upon the idea that a mission to Africa was what their life’s work wouldbecome.”
Speaking the words out aloud made her father and Peter Brown sound cold and calculating, but it was the truth. They now saw their work as being all about numbers. The number of people they could bring under their spiritual guidance in Sierra Leone was what drove both menon.
“And you and your mother went along with the plan; but somewhere along the way you decided to take a different path. When did you first realize that you did not want the same as them?” askedWill.
Her mother, yes. All Hattie’s life her mother had done as her husband instructed. Her parent’s marriage was a practical one. Even when her father had taken Hattie out of the London social scene in the middle of her first season, her mother had said nothing to stophim.
For herself, she had hoped for a time that the mission to Africa was a plan on paper at worst. But as the day of their sailing drew ever closer a fear began to growwithin.
Reverend Brown began to pay her special attention. Her parents were oft to remark on his fine character, recommending him toher.
She had ignored the obvious signs; and thrown herself into her work. Eventually even she could not ignore the clear plans ofothers.
Hattie closed her eyes as tears began to run freely down her face. She had been a part of a family, yet had been soalone.
Will rose from his chair, but she waved him away. If she was to tell her story, it had to be on her terms. She was surprised by the slow anger which began to simmer in the back of her mind as she talked about her father and ReverendBrown.
When her father announced her engagement to Peter Brown she feared the battle was lost. Daily her willpower has been assailed with plans and pronouncements for their combined futures. She had come so close tocapitulating.
“The day my mother told me my cat would not be coming with us. That was the day I knew,” shereplied.
A nervous titter escaped her lips. It was absurd to think that it had taken the impending loss of her mangy cat Brutus for Hattie to finally seesense.
“They expected me to give up everything. My home, my life and everything I held dear. That was two months ago. I’ve been trying to find a way to avoid going eversince.”
“I panicked the morning we set sail from Gibraltar. Reverend Brown had pressed my father to allow him to share my cabin and my father had agreed. I knew if I didn’t jump, then I would likely be pregnant by the time we reached Sierra Leone. Once we arrived, there would be nothing left for me but to become hiswife.”
Hattie felt nauseous. It was not the motion of the boat. She had seen the life which had been set out for her and known it was a life of misery andloneliness.
Ignoring her protests, Will pulled her into his arms and held her tight. She felt the warmth and comfort of his embrace. Her heart desperately hoping that someone finally didunderstand.
“Thank you. I know that took an enormous amount of courage to tell. Thank you for trusting me enough and allowing me to finallyunderstand.”
