Page 94 of My Gentleman Spy
Chapter Thirty-Seven
The journey homein the carriage was a long silent one. In the corner Hattie sat and stared at the lion pin which she now held in her hand. She was angry enough with Will for having made a mess of things with the beggars, but she reserved the center of her rage forherself.
When the carriage stopped at her brother’s house, she did not wait for Will or Francis to help her down. As soon as the footman opened the door, she rose from her seat, gave a perfunctorygood night,and climbed out. She went inside Edgar’s house without lookingback.
Knowing Miranda would want to know how her evening had gone, Hattie waited inside the front door until the Saunders’ family carriage had gone. She then walked the short distance back to her old home and took a seat in the backgarden.
A short while later Will appeared from out of the house, carrying alantern.
“Mrs. Little said you were sitting out here, mind if I joinyou?”
She got to herfeet.
“I’m sorry, old habits die hard. This was always the place I came as a child when I was out of sorts. Forgive me if I forget that this is no longer my home,” shereplied.
She began to walk toward the garden gate. Will took hold of the edge of her cloak, and pulled her back tohim.
“But it could be your home. It should be your home. You just have to say that you want it to be. I can speak to Edgartonight?”
Tears threatened, but Hattie knew she had to hold herself together this time. To make Willunderstand.
“I cannot marry you Will. I have had my doubts all along, but tonight the truth was made clear tome.”
Hesighed.
“I’m sorry if you think I was a little heavy handed with the way I went about rescuing you from that group of beggars. But, you should not have wandered over to them on your own. It was a rash thing that you did. You were without my protection, anything could have happened toyou.”
In the dark moonlit garden, Hattie found it hard to read Will’s expression, but she knew her ownmind.
“And therein lies the problem,” shereplied.
He searched her face, while she saw only confusion and hurt written upon hisown.
“I give up, I can't fathom you. Am I not allowed to give a damn about your safety? Tell me Hattie. Make me understand,” hepleaded.
For a moment she was at a loss as to what to say. But Will was right, she had to make him understand. She pressedon.
“The first time we met I was trying to escape a life where my husband would control my entire existence. My heart tells me that if I married you it would be the same. The second I accept your proposal you will be telling me what to do. And just as importantly whatnotto do. Which is exactly what you attempted to do tonight. You barreled into that group of people without a thought for them. You were single minded in your need to drag me away and back into your world,” shesaid.
The spark of bravery she had felt that sunny morning off the coast of Spain reignited within. With her back straight, she raised her head and met Will's piercing gaze fullon.
“So, you are saying I am a controlling male?” he groundout.
As a huff of disgust escaped her lips, she saw anger flash in hiseyes.
“Yes. You are a gentleman of a certain class and I am yet to meet one of you who does not think women exist to do your bidding. You cannot stand me attending to my mission. Will, you don’t seem to want to understand that the poor and destitute of London are my life’s work. I have walked into crowds of beggars many times before, each time bringing them a little hope. Tonight however, was the first time I have brought fear and pain. Fear and pain that came because ofyou.”
Hattie swallowed her own lump offear.
“I’m sorry. I lost sight of you and I panicked. I worry about your safety and wellbeing Hattie, that is all. And yes, when we do marry I expect you to listen to me when it comes to your safety. You clearly don’t see danger when it is in front of you,” repliedWill.
“I don’t understand this overwhelming need to protect me. I’ve been working my mission for a long time. Longer than I have known you. And yes, sometimes things do go awry, but that is the risk that comes with my work. I understand that and I acceptit.”
Will raked his fingers through his hair, and sighed. He held out his hand toher.
“Hattie, please come inside the house. I think it is time that I told you the truth of Yvette’s death,” hesaid.
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