Page 47 of The Ice Queen
He screwed up his face “I was nine years’ old when my mother left, and I barely knew my father. It took a long time for us to build the trust that should have been there all along. It was only after Lady Margaret came to Newhall Castle that he began to show me his love. I have her to thank for helping to mend his broken heart.”
Caroline blinked back tears as she pictured a young Julian in her mind. A lonely boy waiting for one of his parents to show him that they cared.
“It was not his fault. He came from a long line of stoic men. Emotions such as love do not run deep in my family.”
“But your father loved your mother; it’s just that she didn’t return his affections. And you most certainly are not an uncaring man,” replied Caroline.
Their gazes met. Caroline silently prayed for Julian to open his heart, just a little, to her. She was disappointed when he simply replied, “Thank you. That is a kind thing to say.”
Caroline picked up her brandy glass and took another sip. Her impression of the Earl of Newhall was a long way from that of when they had first met. While the current moment was a little awkward, she took heart. If he didn’t care anything for her, they would not be having this conversation.
She would forever feel a sense of shame and regret over the way she had treated him. Fate must have finally decided to smile upon her and had granted her with the opportunity of a second chance with the man who sat opposite her.
They had made small but positive steps towards being firm friends. After the moment at the ice pond, when they had stood so close that Julian was able to briefly touch her cheek, she knew her heart was beating to a different rhythm. She wanted more than friendship. She longed to run her fingers through his hair once more and place a soft kiss on his lips.
“Enough about me. What about you? What are you going to do once you return to London; will you go back to your court of admirers?” he asked.
She sat in her chair and considered his question. “The Ice Queen will have to abdicate. I cannot continue to live my life the way I have in recent times. I have become someone that not many people like. I intend to go to Scotland and spend an extended period of time away from London. I need to withdraw somewhere and find myself.”
“Please don’t do that. I would be disappointed if you went away,” he said.
His response took her by surprise.
He reached out and took hold of her hand. “I am pleased that you and I have managed to reshape our relationship, that we have become friends. I simply ask that you reconsider your plans. Of course, if I cannot change your mind, then, as a friend, I will respect your decision.”
She looked down at her hand, and felt her breath catch at the warmth of Julian’s gentle grasp. Her usual ingrained response to a gentleman attempting to take her hand was to pull away and offer a harsh rebuke. Yet not with this man. His touch held such comfort that she felt it to her bones.
His earnest entreaty captured her mind. He was asking, not demanding, nor pleading. She raised her head and looked into his smoky-gray eyes.
She no longer saw him as merely a friend. Her gaze drifted down to settle on his full lips. She would give anything for him to take her into his arms and kiss her.
When Julian withdrew his hand, Caroline blinked back tears.
“We had better return to the castle. I would not want to incur the wrath of either your brother or your cousin,” said Julian.
“Yes, of course.”
She had allowed herself to think Julian felt something more than mere friendship toward her. She silently chastised herself for being such a fool. Cupid’s arrow had missed after all.
Julian placed a couple more logs on the fire before he and Caroline left the cottage. Depending on how things went during the day, he planned to come back later and lie on the bed. Perhaps enjoy the afternoon sun as it filtered in through the window.
He scowled at the sky as they slowly climbed the rise which led to the castle. The softly falling snowflakes indicated he would have little chance of seeing the sun for the rest of the day.
Caroline walked silently beside him. She appeared lost in her thoughts, deep in her own world. When she stopped and turned to look back at the lake, Julian halted.
“Thank you,” she said.
“What for?” he replied, searching his mind for what he had done to earn her gratitude.
“For asking me to stay. I know this sounds a little odd, but few men outside of my immediate family ever ask for my permission. You talk about my court of admirers as if I had gathered them to me, yet not one of them has ever asked if I wished for their company,” she replied.
Her words took him by surprise. He’d been operating under the assumption that Caroline had handpicked her group of gentlemen friends. It had never occurred to him that the Ice Queen had been put on the throne without her consent.
“Isn’t that one of the benefits of being beautiful?” he said.
She came to his side. “Not necessarily. I am not saying I would prefer to be plain, but having a fine face does come with its own price.”
The Newhall Castle steward appeared through the stone arch of the nearby walled garden, and approached them. “My lord.”
