Page 92 of Midnight Between Us
“I don’t want to impose.”
“But it’s okay to impose here?”Blythe asks.“Because rumor has it that you’re actually living with Cassian—but then there’s a rumor about Mal doing the bartender.”
“This isn’t about me.It’s about Simone losing her shit because her ex is living with her—and almost died.”
“He’s not my ex,” I protest because that’s what I used to say every time someone asked if I was dating him.He was never anything official.Just ...everything.
If I ever mentioned it to him, he would say,That’s stupid, Sims.Everyone should know we’re friends.I just kiss you because you get pissed if I kiss anyone else.And yes, that was his weird way to ...to what?Fuck, Keir Timberbridge has been emotionally stunted since we were young.
“You two were together,” Nysa insists.
“Let’s not focus on the past—just tell us what happened,” Del says calmly.“We’re here for you.”
I don’t know where to start, but since Gale and Blythe don’t know much about Keir or my history with him, I give them the entire story.From the moment he defended me until a few ...was it hours, minutes?How long has it been since Keir and I last spoke?
“After that, I left,” I say after a while, not really sure why I’m speaking.“I mean—I drove away.I couldn’t stay in that house.”
No one gasps.No one tells me I should’ve stayed.Instead, Gale pours more margarita into my glass, “Good.”
I blink.“Good?”
“You needed space.”
“Yeah, but I’m supposed to be supervising him.”
“Let Atlas supervise him,” Nysa says.“I mean, the man practically lives for tracking people down.”
“That’s not his job anymore,” Blythe mutters.“He’s a tattoo artist.”
I stare at the glass in my hand like it might have answers at the bottom.“I left because I was going to break.I’ve spent all this time trying to be over it, trying to stay professional and distant and fine, and then ...”I exhale, the breath catching somewhere between frustration and surrender.“He read the letters.”
“No offense, Simone, but if I found some letters with my name on them ...”Del shrugs as if saying,I would be all over them.
“I didn’t think anyone would ever find them.I didn’t even think I’d read them again.But he found them, and now ...now I have to face everything all over again.”I pause because I don’t think I can tell them about Keir almost killing his father.
Then, I remember what he said,Mal told me to leave when it came down to it.Does that mean that Mal almost killed him too?I know the beatings were bad and the hate they had for each other and their father was ...was it so big that they wanted to eliminate him?
“He’s broken,” I say out loud.“But I can’t fix him.I now understand that I tried.I tried to be everything he needed, but I was just a teenager.”
“You loved him and didn’t know better,” Nysa states, then shifts.“Do you want him to matter again?”
That’s the question, isn’t it?
“I don’t know,” I say.“Part of me never stopped loving him.But I also never forgave him.And I don’t think I can do both.”
“You don’t have to decide today,” Blythe says gently.“You’re allowed to feel everything without picking a side.”
Everly lets out a tiny sigh in her sleep.Blythe runs her hand over the baby’s back like it’s the easiest thing in the world to soothe something small and breakable.
“I loved him so much,” I say.“So much I thought it would kill me when he left.When they placed Lyndon in Pria’s arms, I had to smile like it wasn’t tearing me apart.He wasn’t there.”
“You did the bravest thing,” Del says.“You loved him enough to let him go.”
“I don’t feel brave,” I admit.“I feel like I survived something and never let myself mourn it.”
Gale hands me a napkin.I didn’t realize I was crying until then.
“You did survive,” she says.“But that doesn’t mean you can’t still hurt.”
