Page 15 of Before We Break Again
Not when it’s Santos.
Not when it’s them.
Not when I still belong to them.
And that is the unshakable truth—the one that tethers me to them, no matter how far I try to run.
Dusty doesn’t push me.He just waits, patiently, quietly.I can feel his eyes on me, firm and unrelenting, and somehow, that’s worse than if he’d tried to argue.It’s like he knows exactly what I’m going through, the war I’m waging with myself.
ChapterSeven
Halsey
“You just wantme to fix Santos, and then you’ll disappear again?You’ll leave me behind, just…watching me from afar?”
The silence that follows is heavy, almost suffocating.I wait, my pulse quickening, as if bracing for the impact of his response.Finally, he murmurs, almost to himself, “We’re two very broken men, Halsey.”
The way he says it—so calm, so resigned—sends a shiver through me, unsettling in its simplicity.It’s not just a confession.It’s a plea.There’s something deeper beneath the surface of his words, something that feels like desperation.He’s not just asking for help with Santos.He’s reaching out for a lifeline—for redemption.Maybe even for love.
“You deserve better than us,” he continues, his gaze distant, as if he’s lost in a memory that still hurts.“But I’m begging you ...please try to help him.For old times’ sake.Hockey is all he has left after we lost you.”
The atmosphere in the car shifts, thickening with everything that’s been left unsaid.
And just like that, it’s back.That familiar burden.The one I thought I’d let go of years ago.The one that comes with caring too much about two people who I thought had long since moved on.
But how can he say that when they still have each other?How can he stand here and act like I was the one thing holding them together when, clearly, I was the one who fell apart?
I bite my lip, trying to control the bitterness in my voice.“So, you two can be happy together and?—”
The sound of his laugh is sharp, bitter.It cuts through the air like a knife, jagged and painful.“Happy?You think we can be together, Halsey?”
There’s something almost maniacal in the way his laugh fills the car, a dark edge to it that sends chills down my spine.He leans back in the seat, rubbing a hand over his face as if he’s trying to wipe away the reality of his words.“Baby, he and I ...we can’t be anything.Santos still does whatever his narrow-minded, bigoted father says, and I ...I’m an addict who can’t get his shit together.If I could, I would’ve come for our girl and begged her to take me back, to love me.”
I knew he was an addict—of course I did.It’s been all over the tabloids.But hearing him say it out loud, in that broken voice of his, makes it real.I’d hoped it was a lie, just something the media spun to get more clicks, but the way he looks at me now?It’s the truth.And it hurts to learn he’s been so lost.It hurts more than I thought it would.
“You could hire anyone else to help him,” I say, my voice betraying the cracks at the edges.
The truth is that I don’t want to be a part of this.I don’t want to live through another round of heartbreak and impossible dreams.I couldn’t survive any of it.
“Sure,” Dustin says, his voice low but firm.“But they’ll be someone we pay.Not someone who really cares—someone who loves him.”
“If you pay enough, they’ll care,” I snap unintentionally.
Dustin sighs heavily.“Here’s the thing, Hals.I sorta need to kidnap him.Take him to a clinic where the staff is discreet.A place where the doctors care and they won’t be disclosing his whereabouts.You’re the best option.”
“Kidnap him?”My head whips around, disbelief surging through me.“I’m not going to be an accessory to?—”
“I said sorta.I need to take him away from Jean-Luc,” he interrupts, his voice firm.“This has to happen fast before his father sends him to another conversion center where they tell him being bisexual is a sin.”
My heart stutters, and I stare at him in disbelief.“They sent him to?—”
“Of course they did.”Dusty’s voice grows harsher, the bitterness thick in his throat.“His parents and yours are both so ...narrow-minded.His parents, just like everyone else in town thought our relationship was unconventional because we were both fucking you.It never crossed their mind that San and I were also in love.”
His words hit like a slap, heat rising to my cheeks.Concern creeps in, mixing with the shame they drilled into me.“No one caught us having sex ...we were just kissing,” I whisper, almost defensively.Okay, it was more like making out, but it wasn’t all the way.
“Not the point, Hals,” he says, voice sharp.“The thing is, two weeks later, Jean-Luc did catch us fucking.A few weeks after your parents dragged you away, everything went to hell.He nearly shot me with his rifle, Hals.Santos?They shipped him off to some conversion center and afterward they sent him to Canada to live with his uncle.They tried to spin it, saying it was to ‘jump-start his career,’ but we both know it was just to keep him far away from me.Because apparently, he learned all that from me.You know, the guy from LA, where sex and depraved people roam freely.”
I can’t breathe.I can’t process it.Santos ...Santos was sent away?To a conversion center?My stomach churns.“He’s in his thirties.There’s no way his father can still ...”
