Page 23 of Before We Break Again
“Promise me something?”Halsey asked, her voice small, almost fragile.
“What?”I turned my head to look at her.
“If we ever have to leave each other, we’ll always find our way back.”
I swallowed, staring at her illuminated face under the soft glow of the moon, her expression so earnest that it made my heart ache.But I couldn’t think of leaving her.Not back then, not ever.“But when we leave Blissful Meadows, we’ll do it together,” I reminded her, like that was an unbreakable promise.
“That’s the plan,” she said, her voice steady.“But remember what Dad says: ‘Plans are dreams.We have to work hard to make them happen.’We also have to have a plan b, c, d and ...be prepared.”
“Promise,” I said, not fully grasping what it meant but knowing it was important.All I knew was that I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else but with her, under that sky.
She smiled then, and it felt like the stars themselves shone a little brighter, like the universe was watching and agreeing with us.
With Halsey, I always felt like we were invincible, like the world couldn’t touch us.Two kids lying beneath the stars, dreaming big dreams, with nothing but time ahead of us to make them come true.
I open my eyes, the memory fading like a ghost, leaving a dull ache in its place.I’m back in the hospital room, but the warmth of that summer night still lingers in my chest.It’s strange how time can fold in on itself, how a moment from so long ago can still feel so vivid, so real.
I stare at the ceiling, the stars from that night burning in my mind.We were kids, but that promise—that need to always find our way back—it’s still there.Even if I’m not sure how to get back now.
Halsey’s face flashes in my mind, and I realize how far we’ve drifted—how much time and silence have stretched between us.Maybe this is the start of finding our way back.Or maybe it’s just the beginning of another heartache I’m not sure I can handle.
I let out a breath, the heaviness of it sitting with me.Life’s always about choices—the ones we embrace, the ones we run from, and the ones that never really leave us.
Right now, I can’t tell which one this is.Is this the decision that will bring me back to the only two people I’ve ever truly loved?Or is it the mistake that’ll break me all over again?Will she even agree to what I’ve asked?I’m not sure what I was looking for when I saw her face, when I asked her to help me—or maybe I was asking for something more.
I just hope I get to see her again.
I just hope she hasn’t moved on completely.
I just hope this time, I won’t lose her all over again.
I just hope ...well, hope is all I have left.
ChapterEleven
Dustin
I stare at my phone,the screen now black after the call ended, and the silence around us feels louder than the music humming faintly from the speakers in the corner of the room.I rake a hand through my hair, gripping it at the roots, trying to ease the dull throb pulsing behind my eyes.This isn’t how I thought things would go.I hoped she’d say yes without hesitation—because she loved him more than anything in the world.
I loved them both, always have, but deep down, I’ve known the bond between them is different—stronger, more unbreakable than the connection I had with either of them.If she can’t do this for him, if she won’t fight for him, then ...do I even stand a chance of fixing any of this?I’m not sure anymore.
I glance over at Halsey, sitting stiffly beside me, her posture tense, her eyes distant—fixed on something far beyond the walls of her living room.She hasn’t said anything since the call with Santos ended, and I can’t figure her out.Is she angry?Hurt?Trapped in her own thoughts?Probably all three.
It’s fucking sad that I can’t even read her anymore.It’s like we’re living in separate worlds, moving on completely different wavelengths.There was a time when I’d know exactly what was going on in her mind with just a glance.Now?I’m lost.If I could reach out and pull her into a hug, I would.But there’s this distance, this invisible wall between us.I’m terrified she’ll push me away—reject me because I’ve lost that right, haven’t I?
God, I’ve missed her.I miss that sharp, quick-witted fire, the way she’d laugh at my dumb jokes like she actually found them funny.I miss the way she could look at me and know exactly what I was feeling, even before I did.But that was a lifetime ago.And now, I’m not the person she once knew—and I doubt she even cares to know me at all.
Now, we’re strangers sitting in the same space, worlds apart.I could beg her, I should beg her for one last favor.I can pay her my entire fortune to save him.All of it, as long as he doesn’t lose the one thing that keeps him going.
She couldn’t possibly understand the fear clawing at me—the terror of what Jean-Luc could do to Santos, to his career, to everything he’s built.
I’m afraid of losing him again, not that I have him.He’s my friend and sometimes ...well, we lose ourselves in each other to try to fill the hole she left.It’s not like we can be together.He’d never come out of the closet, I ...I don’t even want to think what kind of life we would have if we had to hide all the time.
Would I lose my fucking mind again?Just like it happened when Santos left Blissful Meadows.And I feel it coming, the fear that gripped me then when I had lost Hals and San, it’s creeping back into my chest.Losing them was worse than anything I’d felt before, even when my parents died.
Back then, being in Blissful Meadows wasn’t an option.I had to get out.So I made the call—to my father’s old manager.I begged him to help me leave, to throw me into the music world I’d been groomed for since the day I could hold a guitar.My father had trained me relentlessly, made sure I had every tool to step onto a stage when the time came.I was a prodigy.Everyone knew it.But when he died, I disappeared.
Getting back to Los Angeles was easy.The trust fund was there, waiting.And so were the distractions—alcohol, drugs, anything I could use to numb the pain in my soul.I dove into it all, drowning out the noise of my past, silencing the ache that had been gnawing at me for years.I numbed myself until I couldn’t feel anything at all.
