Page 34 of Before We Break Again
I hearthe door click open before I see her.Halsey’s home.I snort to myself, realizing this isn’t my home—it’s hers.And yet, if I have my way, she won’t be back here much longer.I’ll convince her to stay close to us.But is that fair?Uprooting her life just because we need her more than we need air?
Fair would’ve been not taking her away from us the way her parents did.Fair would be my people giving me the fucking messages she sent through social media.Not having my team dismiss her because they thought she was some random fan trying to score a date withThe Dustin.Gavin’s words, not mine.
My social media team didn’t even think of asking Gavin what to do with the information.Nope, they just took a screenshot, logged and deleted it, like any other message that could potentially become a stalker.I had no idea we had a database with that, or that I have had stalkers in the past.The things one learns while trying to figure out an internal fuck up.
I think about the idiots who made that decision.It’s not like I can even fire them.They don’t even work for me anymore.One’s living in Idaho now, teaching.The other?In Hawaii, bartending and escorting beautiful women.Living the dream, apparently, if his social media is anything to go by.
The old me would’ve gone after them, made sure their lives fell apart.But now?I can’t bring myself to waste the energy.There’s no point.
The door shuts softly behind her, and Halsey moves through the room with a quiet calm.She drops her purse on the table, the thud barely registering as I take her in.There’s something in the way her shoulders relax, a quiet calm in her eyes as they meet mine.It’s over.
She really did it.She quit.
“Hey,” she greets me, her voice soft, no trace of anger or bitterness.Just ...quiet acceptance.
“Is it done?”I ask, standing up from the couch, stretching as I glance at her.This question isn’t just about her quitting—it’s about us, about everything that comes next.At least, that’s what I’m hoping for.
Halsey leans against the wall, crossing her arms tightly over her chest, like she’s holding herself together.Her eyes flicker with something I can’t quite read, but it feels heavy, complicated.
“Yeah, I ...I quit.”Her voice is steady, but there’s a subtle strain in it.This wasn’t easy for her—she’s never been the type to walk away from anything, especially not something she’s fought so damn hard to build.
But she did it.For Santos.
Part of me wants to believe she did it for me, for us too.That she’s come back for more than just helping him, but the thought feels too big, too improbable.Why would she care about me now?I’m not the guy people hold on to.I’ve never been that person.I’m the guy who lets everyone down, who disappears when they need me the most.
She’ll figure that out soon enough.She’ll see that I’m nothing like the Dusty she remembers.She’ll see what I’ve become—broken, unreliable, someone who couldn’t even hold his life together when everything fell apart.And when that realization hits her?I don’t know how I’ll survive it.I tried living without her once, and barely made it through.This time ...this time, I’m not sure I’ll make it at all.
I take a step closer, careful, as if one wrong move could break whatever fragile thing is between us.“Thank you,” I murmur, my voice low.“I’ll make sure you don’t regret it.”
Her eyes meet mine, and for a second, something flickers there.Something I can’t quite name.“You’re not surprised, are you?”she asks, her tone almost accusing, like she’s daring me to admit that I knew this would happen.That I expected it.
I wish I could tell her no.That I’m shocked she’d walk away from everything.But the truth is, I always knew.I always believed, deep down, that she was the one person who wouldn’t leave us behind forever.She’s loyal to at fault and more to those who she loves and I’m hopeful that there’s still real love in her heart for us.That love should glue us back together.
“You did send a text,” I reply, keeping it light, then add, “And I had faith you wouldn’t leave him hanging.”
“It’s not just for him,” she says quietly, her gaze shifting to the floor.“It’s for you and for me, too.”
She doesn’t add more, and I don’t press.She shifts her stance, arms still crossed, processing everything, thinking about what comes next.I’ve learned when to let her have that space.
Finally, she exhales, her posture softening just a little.“What is really happening between you two, Dust?You say you aren’t together because you can’t, but I’ve seen the pictures.You two, hanging out.I don’t think it’s just?—”
“Friends with fucking benefits,” I cut in, the words escaping before I can catch them.“A lot of fucking benefits.No flowers, no poems ...that was always reserved for you.”
Her eyes flicker, and for a moment, the silence between us is deafening, louder than anything we could say.
“You love him,” she says softly.“I don’t see why?—”
“Stop,” I cut her off sharply, my voice low but firm.I can’t go down that road again, not now.“Like I told you yesterday, the fact that he’s still in the fucking closet, hiding who he really is—that’s a major issue between us.”
“But if he weren’t?”she presses, her voice gentle but relentless, digging at something I’ve buried for years.
If he weren’t, how would things be?I don’t know.We’d still be missing her, the one piece of us that kept everything together.Maybe we’d be more aware of her absence, maybe we’d just end up blaming each other for the emptiness she left behind.
“You want to pull yourself out of this equation?Make it just the two of us—me and him?”My tone hardens, frustration creeping in, though I’m not sure where it’s coming from.“We—the three of us—are one soul.We always have been.That’s still true, even with you gone.Everything that’s happened since you left?It’s just a symptom of this shitty life, of all the pain we’ve been carrying.”
I pause, letting my words settle.“Santos and I—we’re surviving.But we’re not whole.Not without you.”
Her words, her questions—they hit me deeper than they should.I want to brush them off, but they linger, twisting something inside me that’s already fragile.I love Santos.I’ve loved him since we were teenagers, since we were too young to understand what any of it meant.But the truth?The truth is, I’ve always loved her too.We were a throuple, that’s three, always three.It’s all of us together—me, Santos, and Halsey.And when they took her away, they ripped out the piece that kept us whole.
