Page 66 of Before We Break Again
“You’re part of this—part of us,” I tell her.
Her eyes drift away, settling on the large windows that overlook the lake.The sunlight spills across the water, golden and serene.For a moment, she just watches it, as if searching for something in the reflection.
“It’s just hard,” she speaks after a long pause.“Being here, with both of you, and not knowing where we stand.Not knowing how to help.On weekdays it’s easy to breathe while I’m at work and on weekends, we just go to one of those crazy festivals happening in Baker’s Creek and I’m distracted enough I don’t think.Here, when it’s the three of us ...it’s impossible not to feel everything.It hurts that we can’t be the way we used to.”
I take a step closer, careful, deliberate, like I’m walking toward the edge of something fragile.“We can figure it out together, Halsey.But we have to be honest with each other.We can’t keep skirting around what we’re all feeling.”
Her eyes meet mine again, and for a moment, I see it—something flickers there, hope, fear?I can’t tell which.“But what do you want, Dustin?”
The answer hits me immediately: Sex.The need surges through me, raw and undeniable.I imagine pulling her close, pressing her up against the counter, feeling the heat of her body against mine.
I want to drown out all this uncertainty, all the tangled emotions, with the one thing that’s always felt simple to me.Using my mouth, my cock, my hands, that’s easy.Baring my feelings ...that’s too fucking hard.
So now, I’m dealing with a new craving.It’s not alcohol this time, not drugs.It’s him and her—their bodies—that I need.The thought of losing myself inside them pulls at me, a gnawing hunger that hurts with how strong it is.
But even as the desire courses through me, I know that’s not what she’s asking.She’s looking for something deeper, something I’ve been avoiding.I can see it in her eyes, I feel the pull of her expectation.
I draw in a slow breath, trying to steady myself, trying to push back the overwhelming urge that grips me.This isn’t the time for that.She needs something real.And maybe we all do.
“I want us to be ready,” I say finally.“I think we need to stop hiding.From each other, from ourselves.We need to start asking the hard questions, showing the parts of ourselves we’ve been afraid of.No more journaling in separate rooms, no more pretending everything’s fine when it’s not.”
“Sharing, we need to share us.”Her expression softens, but then she adds, “And what about Santos?”
I glance toward his room, then hear his voice cut through the air from behind the door, like he’d been listening this whole time.“He feels the same way.But he’s hesitant.He doesn’t want to push too hard, too soon.He’s afraid of breaking you, Dustin.Or crossing a line with Halsey.He doesn’t want to mess this up and lose either one of you.”
“There, you heard him,” I say, my lips twitching into a small, wry smile.
But Halsey doesn’t smile.Instead, she bites her lip, her arms wrapping tightly around herself as if she’s trying to hold everything in, maybe even trying to shield herself from what could be another tragedy.Her gaze drops, thoughtful, and for a moment, I can see the burden of it all pressing on her—the uncertainty, the fear, the hope tangled up in her heart.
“Maybe we need more time,” she says softly, her voice fragile, like she’s speaking a truth she’s been too afraid to face.“Time to heal.Individually, but also ...together.Avoiding this—avoiding us—won’t solve anything.”
I don’t think.I just move.In an instant, I step toward her, closing the space between us, and pull her into my arms.My hold is tight, desperate, like she’s my anchor in a storm that’s been raging for far too long.I bury my face in her hair, breathing in the familiar scent of her, clinging to the only thing that feels real in this moment.
Her body tenses for a second, as if unsure, but then she melts into me, her hands gripping the fabric of my shirt like it’s the only thing keeping her grounded.
“I just don’t want anyone to get hurt,” she whispers, her voice trembling against my chest.
I press my lips to the top of her head, holding her even closer.“No one’s going to get hurt, Hals.Not if we face this together.We’ll figure it out.All of us.”
ChapterThirty-Four
Dustin
By the time evening falls,the sky is a breathtaking canvas of pink and orange, the sun sinking below the horizon with a grace that feels deliberate, as if the world is holding its breath for what’s to come.
The restaurant by the lake is elegant in a quiet, unassuming way.Inside, the glow of candles flickers gently on the tables, the low hum of conversation blending seamlessly with the serene atmosphere, like the world is conspiring to give us this moment.
And then there’s her—Halsey.She’s sitting across from me in a short dress that clings in all the right places, her long legs crossed beneath the table, heels catching the candlelight in a subtle, sensual glint.Her hair falls loose around her shoulders, framing her face with an effortless beauty that makes my breath hitch.
She’s radiant, almost too perfect in the dim light, and all I can think about is how utterly fuckable she looks.But I push the thought aside, because tonight isn’t about that.Tonight is about fixing the suffocating silence between us, breaking down the walls we’ve been carefully building brick by brick.Opening up and ...how did my therapist put it?Oh yeah, “vulnerable communication,” the thing I’m worst at.
We settle at a table near the window, the soft glow of the candlelight casting warm shadows across our faces, giving everything an intimate feel, as if we’re the only ones in the room.Santos leans back in his chair, his usual tension softened, a hint of his old confidence returning as he smiles at her.There’s a quiet ease in him tonight, a slight shift, like he’s letting go—just a little.
“So, we need to be honest about how we feel.About what we want.”My therapist would be proud of me.Not only did I start the conversation, I’m setting expectations.I swallow, my voice a little steadier now.“How am I supposed to follow your lead if no one’s giving me a lead?”
Halsey looks up, her hazel eyes meeting mine, and in the dim candlelight, the gold flecks in her irises seem to shimmer, catching the light in a way that makes them almost glow.She’s beautiful in this moment, but there’s something deeper in her gaze—a vulnerability that pulls me in, makes me want to protect her, even though I know she doesn’t need it.
“I want us to find a way back to each other,” she says softly.“But I’m afraid.”
