Page 29 of Before We Break Again
I want to argue, to tell her it’s always been about us—what we could’ve been, what we lost—but the words get stuck in my throat.
“Okay,” I finally say, my gaze dropping to the food in front of me.The noodles blur as I drift back to the memories—the day she left, the day everything shattered.“I ...I’ve never known how to ask for help.I was always an inconvenience to my parents.And my grandparents ...they didn’t know what to do with me.It was easier to just ...ignore the bad stuff.”
Her eyes soften, but she doesn’t speak right away.Instead, she reaches for a dumpling, moving slowly, as if weighing each word before speaking.
“I thought about you, you know?”I say quietly, the words tumbling out before I can stop them.“All the time.But I ...I couldn’t.”
Halsey picks up her chopsticks again, and I follow her lead.
“I get it,” she says gently as she moves her noodles around the box.“You’ve always been the one to give, never to take.You hate taking up space, hate being a burden.But you’re not.Therapy can help you realize that.We’ll find someone who can remind your inner child that it’s okay to take up space.That he’s loved.And maybe, just maybe, we’ll get to know each other again.Fall back in love, if it’s possible.”
Her words hang in the air, but they cut deep.“Is this your way of telling me you don’t love me anymore?”I ask, hating how vulnerable I sound.
She gives me a sad, half-smile.“I’ll always love you, Dusty.But I’m not in love with you.How could I be when I don’t even know who you are now?”
Her honesty stings, but it’s a truth I can’t argue with.She’s right.How could she love me when I barely recognize myself?
But then she glances up at me, and for a split second, I see it.That spark.That connection.It’s still there, buried beneath the years and the hurt and the distance.And maybe—just maybe—it’s not too late to find our way back.
ChapterFifteen
Unknown Number: What hospital are you at?
Santos: Who is this?
Unknown Number: Halsey.I tried to go and check on you and no one has a record of you.Did they register you under a different name to keep the fans and media away?
Santos: Are you in Oregon?
Halsey: You’re not in Dallas?
Santos: Nope.They moved me the morning after the accident to Portland.The team physician wouldn’t let just anyone touch me.
Halsey: I take it Dr.Aldridge is your surgeon then?
Santos: Your guess is as good as mine.Do you think I was paying attention when I was high on pain meds and fear?
Halsey: Do you abuse pain medications?
Santos: Like Dust?No.My addictions are different.Run away, pretty lady.Don’t get stuck with the broken men of your past.
Halsey: Is that what you want?For me to leave him?I can’t just leave Dust like that, he had a rough night.
Santos: Is he using again?
Halsey: No, but the cravings hit him hard.
Santos: I wish I knew how to help him.
Halsey: We’ll figure it out.
Santos: Don’t say “we” if you don’t plan to stay.
Halsey: You want me to leave?
Santos: I don’t want you to be around out of obligation.
Halsey: You’re being a pretty lousy moon, Santy.
