Page 35 of Before We Break Again
I glance at her, seeing the same fire in her eyes that was always there when we were kids—the spark that pulled me in from the start.She has to understand that she can’t leave or that if she leaves us ...I keep telling myself I don’t need her.That I can live without her.But that’s a fucking lie, isn’t it?
I sink back into a memory, one that’s so vivid it feels like it happened yesterday.
We were fifteen, San and me.It was Hals’s birthday.She was born in the middle of July when it was always hot and sticky.Time moved slower then.We snuck out to the lake—just the three of us—because that’s what we did.No one else mattered when we were together.
The sun was setting, casting an orange glow across the water.Halsey stood at the edge of the dock, laughing at something Santos said.She was barefoot, her curls wild from the humidity, her skin glowing in the fading light.I couldn’t stop staring at her.My pulse raced, but it wasn’t the same rush I felt around Santos.This was different.Softer.
We always spent the day talking about stupid stuff—home drama, music, our dreams.But that evening, everything felt different.There was something in the air, like we were standing on the edge of something we didn’t quite understand yet.
Santos was the first to jump into the water.He swam out a little, calling for us to follow him.Halsey turned to me, her eyes bright with that familiar glint that pushed me to do almost anything, and before I knew it, she grabbed my hand.
“You coming?It’s late, but nothing is going to happen.Don’t be scared,” she asked, her voice soft, not teasing like before.There was concern in her tone, like she could sense the hesitation gnawing at me.
I was scared.
Not of the water.Not of Santos.But of her.
Of Halsey.
My feelings for her terrified me.I’d always loved her in some way, but that summer?Something changed.I was falling for her—hard.And I didn’t know how to stop it, or if I even wanted to.Every glance, every touch, pulled me deeper into something I wasn’t prepared for.
But it wasn’t just Halsey.I was falling for Santos too.That was the real fear.This wasn’t just some simple crush.It was messy and tangled and intense, like we were caught in a current we couldn’t swim out of.My heart felt too big, too full, as if there wasn’t enough room for all of it inside me.
It was all so complicated, yet so natural.My emotions were spiraling, wild and out of control, making it almost impossible to breathe.The love, the fear of losing them, the memories of losing my parents—it was like being dragged under, gasping for air, not knowing which way was up.
She tugged at my hand, pulling me toward the edge of the dock.“You and me, Dust.We can do it together,” she said, her voice steady, like she was offering more than just a jump into the lake.Like she was promising we’d face whatever this was—together.
“I don’t think I like falling,” I admitted, my voice barely more than a whisper.But I didn’t mean falling off the dock.I meant falling in love.
It was terrifying.
What if I fell too hard and lost them?What if I loved them so much and then, they slipped away, the way my parents had?I didn’t think I could survive that.
“Trust me,” Halsey said, her eyes locking onto mine.“I love you, and because I do, I’ll always be with you.And if we can’t swim, Santos will keep us afloat.”
She wasn’t just talking about the water.I knew that.She was talking about all of it—about us, about falling, about Santos loving us too.
I wanted to believe her.I wanted to trust that we could do this—together.
I looked at her, her curls catching the last glimmers of the sunset, her eyes soft and full of something that made the fear seem smaller.My feelings for her, for both of them, were stronger than the fear.I let go.I jumped with her.
The water hit us in a cool rush, the shock of it chasing away the heat of the day.When we surfaced, Santos was already swimming over, grinning like he always did.He splashed us, sending waves of water crashing around us, and for a moment, everything was easy.We were just kids again—laughing, playing, floating together in the lake, like nothing else mattered.
But deep down, I knew everything had changed.
Later, as we lay on the dock, drying off in the fading twilight, Halsey rested her head on my shoulder.Her arm draped across mine and Santos’s chests.He was holding her hand, playing with her fingers the way he always did, his quiet intensity fixed on the stars above.I was sandwiched between them, their warmth sinking into my skin, my heart racing with something I couldn’t name but knew was deeper than anything I’d ever felt before.
“If we were stars, what stars would we be, Hals?”Santos asked, his voice low and soft, cutting through the stillness of the night.
Halsey smiled against my shoulder, her breath warm on my skin.She gazed up at the sky, eyes scanning the constellations like they held some hidden answer.“We’d be Alcor, Mizar, and Alkaid,” she said thoughtfully, her voice almost dreamy.
Santos turned his head slightly, curiosity flashing in his eyes.“Why those?”
“Because Alcor and Mizar are binary stars.They look like one, but they’re two, orbiting each other so closely they’re forever connected.And Alkaid ...it’s the third star, close by but standing alone.”
“So who’s who?”I asked.
Halsey paused, her fingers lightly tracing the sky.“You’d be Alkaid, Dustin.Strong and steady, always there but sometimes feeling alone.I’d be Alcor, the smaller, quieter one, and San ...”She turned her head, meeting his eyes, “You’d be Mizar—the one who holds it all together.”
