Page 50 of Before We Break Again
And I can’t let that happen with Halsey.Not with her.She means too much to me—to us.We need to fix this first—us—before we lose ourselves to the same cycle.
I gently brush a strand of hair from her face, kissing her forehead as my hand rests on her waist, pulling her closer.Her body molds perfectly against mine, but I force myself to take a breath.“Not tonight, baby,” I murmur, my voice soft despite the fire raging inside me, urging me to give in.“We’re not ready.I’m not letting this become just sex between us.Not with you.”
Her brows knit, a little pout forming on her lips, and I can’t help but chuckle.God, she’s cute when she’s frustrated.
“And besides,” I add with a grin, “we need him.We need our guy too.There’s a lot we have to fix, but I promise you, I’ll keep you satisfied.”I let my hand slide lower, fingers brushing over her skin as I press my lips to her ear.“My mouth will make you come whenever you want, and so will my fingers.”
Her breath hitches, and I can see the conflict in her eyes—the need, the desire, and the understanding of why we can’t rush this.Not yet.
I keep her close, feeling her warmth against me, and she rests her head on my chest, letting out a soft sigh.The tension in her body slowly fades as I hold her, kissing her hair, her temple, anywhere my lips can reach.“You’re perfect,” I whisper, my fingers tracing lazy patterns on her back.“You have no idea how much I want you.But I want us to be right, too.We’ll get there, I promise.”
She hums softly, her breath slowing as she relaxes completely, her body melting into mine.I smile to myself, feeling the trust she’s placed in me, knowing that, for now, this is enough.I’ll keep her close, and when we’re both ready—when we’re all ready—we’ll be unstoppable.
For now, though, I’ll hold her like this, content in knowing I’m not just in this for the physical.I’m in this for her.
ChapterTwenty-Six
Santos
The vibrationof my phone breaks the silence, jolting me from the half-asleep state I’ve been in for the past hour.I grab it off the nightstand, squinting at the screen.Dustin.Of course, it’s him calling at this hour.I swipe to answer, pressing the phone to my ear.
“I almost fucked her.”Dustin’s voice comes through the line, low and thick with something I can’t quite place—regret?Longing?Maybe both.
I stay quiet for a second, my brain struggling to catch up with his words.Almost fucked her?Seriously?I was feeling bad enough for kissing her, for almost making out without talking to him, and now he tells me he almost went all the way?I should be saying something right now, but what the hell am I supposed to say to that?I fucking hate you?Why didn’t you wait for me?Or maybe just,What the fuck happened?
“What do you want me to say?”I finally mutter, my voice rougher than I meant.The words hang between us, heavy, like they’re supposed to mean something more.
I pinch the bridge of my nose, leaning back against the pillow, trying to wrap my head around it.Why didn’t he just do it?What made him stop?
“Should I be upset, give you a medal ...What do you want from me?”I ask, unsure how I’m supposed to react here.
He sighs, the sound filled with frustration and something I can’t quite place.“I couldn’t do it, man.I—I wanted to.Fuck, you know I wanted to.But I stopped because ...because I know where this is heading, and it’s a slippery slope.”
I grip the phone tighter, waiting for him to explain because I’m still not getting it.It’s not like we’ve got any clear rules about what we are.What the fuck are we, anyway?Are the three of us really back together?Were Dustin and I ever anything at all?But then it hits me: This is Halsey.
“Slippery slope?”I ask, pushing down the rising tension in my chest.“With her?”
“Yeah,” he says, his voice quieter now, like he’s thinking it through.“It’s what happened to us, Santos.We got lost in it—just sex, nothing else—and it didn’t fix anything.It didn’t fix us.I didn’t want it to be the same with her.I don’t want us to lose her like that.Sure, we’re drowning in desire, but we can’t give in, not until we’ve got something solid.”
I run a hand through my hair, letting his words sink in.It’s strange hearing this from him, but damn, it makes sense.I can hear the regret in his voice, and I feel it too.I know exactly what he means—how we used sex as a distraction, thinking it would fix things when it never really did.And it messed us up more than once.
“So, you think stopping is going to fix everything?”I ask, half curious, half annoyed.We’ve spent years in this cycle, and now he’s trying to break it—with her, of all people.
“No,” he admits, “but it’s a start.We’re not ready for that, not yet.We’ve got to fix more than just what’s between the sheets.I want her—fuck, I need her—but I want it to be real.Not just a temporary fix.Plus, I need you to be there when it happens.We both do.”
I huff out a breath, a smirk pulling at the corner of my mouth despite myself.“You two can make love when I’m not around, you know.I’m expecting some one-on-one time, too.This isn’t just about the three of us.It’s whatever we want.”
He chuckles softly.“Maybe the first time, when we’re really together.Or ...”He pauses, his voice softer.“I just want my heart to be in the right place before we get there.”
There’s a beat of silence, his words settling in, and for the first time in a long time, I get it.He’s trying to protect something more important than just the physical connection, and maybe—just maybe—I should be thinking the same way.
“So ...where are you right now?”I ask, trying to shift the conversation, but curiosity gnaws at me.
“At your place,” he replies, and I can hear the tension in his voice easing a little.“I came over to mess around with my guitar, clear my head.It’s all too convoluted, you know?I was thinking a glass of bourbon would fix this, but then I went for the next best thing—music.”
I smirk, leaning back.“What’s the first best thing?”I ask, half-expecting the answer to be something darker, like cocaine or some other escape.
“Sex, of course,” he says, almost matter-of-factly.“But I can’t have it right now, so here I am, at your place.But instead of getting lost in music, I ended up in your room, jerking off, thinking about the things I did to Halsey ...and all the things I still want to do to her—while you watch.Thinking that I might not let you have her pussy.”
