Page 46 of No Apologies
Chapter Nine
He’d been fighting with himself for hours. Ever since he tripped over that line in the sand he’d drawn and gone tumbling down the rabbit hole. Ever since he’d done the right thing and forced himself to push Skylar away again, to send her away again. He’d been fighting with himself, with the demons that haunted his every dark shadow, and for the first time in his life he was losing.
He’d already crossed the line. He’d kissed her. He’d touched her. He could have had her right there in his chair.
He’d known for a while now that Skylar wanted him the same way he wanted her. He’d known that they would be good together. Their chemistry was too good not to be explosive. But the moment he’d touched her, she’d reacted with even more fire and desire than he’d ever imagined she would.
He’d barely been able to keep himself under control before. Now he had the memory of Skylar’s taste, the sound of her moans, the feel of her hands on him to drive him mad. He still wasn’t sure how he had kept himself from taking her right then and there.
He couldn’t imagine not kissing her again. Not touching her again. It was a bad idea. Terrible really. But he couldn’t seem to wrap his head around walking away from her without ever really having her. He wanted her. She wanted him. And he wasn’t a good man, not good enough for her, not nearly good enough to walk away from her.
That was why, instead of doing the right thing and going home, he found himself marching to her door the second he got off work. He’d spent hours trying to convince himself not to do what he was about to do, but he’d lost the fight. If he was going to hell, he wouldn’t drag his angel down with him but he would have her, just this once, so he could always remember her light in the darkness.
Colt took a deep breath for courage as he raised his hand and banged on her door. He had his speech all prepared. He would apologize for yelling at her earlier. She hadn’t deserved that. He was the one fighting what he felt and that wasn’t her fault. He would explain, calmly and rationally, why it was a bad idea for them to get involved. He couldn’t offer her anything more than…
The door flew open, framing Skylar in the glow of the yellow porchlight and words deserted him. She was barefoot, still in nothing but that sexy white dress, and everything he’d prepared himself to say evaporated. Gone. Just like that. One look at her and the entire world disappeared right along with all of his reasoning and the last vestiges of his sanity.
“Colt?”
Her voice drew his attention to her mouth. That sweet, pouty mouth that he now knew was just as soft as it looked. The mouth that tasted like heaven but would be his ultimate downfall. Because the second he registered that mouth saying his name again in that breathy voice he knew she was right.
He was a liar. One would never be enough. Because once would always leave him wanting one more with her.
“Colt, what are you doin…”
He never gave her a chance to finish her question. He was moving before the words left her lips. He moved into her with one step, cupped her face and swallowed the last syllable when he pressed his mouth to hers.
It was a bad idea. Kissing Skylar again was an even worse idea than coming here had been. Because her taste exploded something inside of him and sent all of his walls crashing down. And when she let out a small squeak of surprise as he pushed his tongue past her parted lips, he knew that walking away from her now would be the hardest thing he’d ever done.
Maybe it shouldn’t have surprised him how fast she recovered from his bold move. Shouldn’t have shocked him when she wrapped her arms around him instead of pushing him away. Shouldn’t have destroyed him when her hot, wet tongue stroked eagerly against his but her willing welcome did.
No matter how many times he pushed her away, was rude and crude and downright mean to her, she always let him back in. And he didn’t deserve it. Not one bit of her kindness or goodness, but God he wanted it, needed it.
He was so lost in her drugging kiss he barely noticed when Skylar’s hands left his neck and began moving over him. Around and down his chest, she found the bottom of his t-shirt and he only jolted back to reality when her nails scored his abdomen. She was pushing his shirt up, trying to get his clothes off, and they were still standing in the open doorway.
The move forced him into action and he was crowding her back into the apartment even as he released her face to tug her against him. In a matter of moments he had the door kicked shut and he pivoted, pinning Skylar against the hard surface. He was panting, struggling for control, and looking down at her did nothing to help steady him.
Her lips were swollen again. Pink and full and pouting for more of his rough kisses. Her cheeks were flushed and she was sucking in air as well, her chest heaving with the effort. Her blue eyes were glazed, heavy with desire, but it was the disappointment that flashed in them that kept him from moving away from her like he’d been intending.
That was what she expected of him. He’d touched her, again. He’d kissed her, again. And she expected him to lash out at her for it, again.
Only he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Not this time. So he made sure to keep his eyes on her, so she could see what he was doing, even as he lowered his mouth back to hers and pressed a soft, gentle kiss to her lips.
“One night.” He whispered.
“What?” Skylar’s eyes searched his face.
“I can’t give you what you deserve, but I can give you this. One night.”
He saw it the moment his words sank it. The disappointment was still there along with a jumble of other emotions that threatened to break him apart. He could see her desire and longing battling with her hurt and he had a sinking feeling that he was losing her so he pressed his advantage while he still had it.
“I want you, Sky.” He admitted as he let his hips fall and rubbed their lower bodies together, “You asked me to admit that we’re more than friends. I don’t know what we are but this is me admitting that I want you. I want to feel you, every inch of you. It’s all I fuckin’ think about all the damn time.”
She sucked in a gulp of air and a soft moan escaped her lips when he pressed his erection against her. Colt planted more kisses across her jaw and her head fell back against the door. He risked a glance up to see she’d closed her eyes. She wasn’t shoving him off but she wasn’t saying yes either so he kept talking.
He was good at talking. Always had been. Good at distracting people from what he didn’t want them to see by using pretty words or mean words or simply loud words. He talked and he lied and he bullshitted but this time, with Skylar, he simply told the truth.
“Touching you, really touching you, I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to come back from it but I need to hear you moan my name as I sink inside you. I need to feel you come apart in my arms. Say yes and I’ll make it so good for you, angel. I promise you won’t regret it if you give me one night.”
