Page 97 of No Apologies
“Yes.”
“And what did he say?”
He frowned as if even the words tasted bad, “That I needed to think about it and talk to you before I did anything.”
She took a shaky breath, “Then I think you need to go home and do that.”
His eyes snapped to hers, “What?”
“Go home, Colt. Go home and think about what you’re doing. Think about what you’re saying. Think about what you would be willing to do if I was hurt and bleeding and I needed help.” She help up a hand when he looked like he might say something, “No. I’m not done. You go home and think about it and if you can honestly tell me that you wouldn’t do the same damn thing for me, then I’ll let Lincoln rip up the papers and take my money back.”
“Skylar…”
“But…” She cut him off before he could say something that might hurt her even worse, “But if you decide that you wouldn’t do the same thing for me, that you wouldn’t give up anything and everything to protect me and keep me safe, you should know that I’m not going to be here for you anymore.”
The words cut her throat. Just saying them left her feeling raw and exposed. But she meant every word and from the shocked, pained expression on Colt’s face, he knew she meant it.
She had to stand up for herself, here and now. She loved him but other than his admission when he was half-unconscious he hadn’t said the words back. She knew he loved her but if he couldn’t say the words, if he couldn’t choose her over that dangerous deal he’d made with Lincoln when he was nothing more than a stupid kid, then she shouldn’t be with him. He was the one for her but if she wasn’t that to him, then she would have to move on.
Her own self-respect demanded it.
Colt’s jaw tensed, “Are you giving me an ultimatum?”
“I guess I am.” She managed, “You said we couldn’t really be together until you were free from Lincoln and your debt to the family. It’s gone now. I made that happen. You’re free and if you go back, if you choose that life then you said yourself that I can’t be a part of it.”
His jaw was jumping and his eyes had narrowed. He crossed his arms over his chest, a defensive move that put extra space between them. And more than anything she wanted to go to him and touch him, hug him, tell him that she hadn’t meant it and he didn’t have to choose because she was so damn scared that he wouldn’t choose her, but she couldn’t.
“You should go home and think about it.”
His jaw jumped again, “You want me to go?”
“I hope you’ll come back, that you’ll realize I did what I did because I love you and choose me, but yes I think you should go right now.”
Colt stared at her for a long moment but she couldn’t read him at all. His usually expressive eyes were hard, cold steel at that moment. Other than his jaw jumping with the stress of him gritting his teeth, he would have looked like a statue. She wasn’t even sure he was breathing.
“Fine.” He finally said, and then she had to watch as he simply turned away from her and walked out her front door.
Skylar winced when he slammed the door shut behind him and then he was gone. Colt was gone from her apartment and she could only pray that he wasn’t gone from her life. She loved him and she wanted him and she needed him. But she wouldn’t give in, not on this.
He had to choose her the way that she’d chosen him. No more sneaking around it. No more denying it. No more codifiers of one night or waiting until things were perfect to really be together as a couple. He had to want her enough to put her first the same way she’d put him first when she made the decision to buy his freedom.
She collapsed to the couch and hugged her knees to her chest. There were things she needed to do. She still needed a shower. Her stomach still growled because she hadn’t eaten all day. But she couldn’t bring herself to move from that spot, wasn’t sure that she wouldn’t fall apart if she did any of the things that she’d been doing with Colt for the last week.
Jesus, had it really only been a week since her entire life changed? She felt like she’d already had a lifetime of her and Colt together. The thought of not having the rest of her life with him was terrifying. It would feel lonely and empty and wrong. How was it possible that in one week everything could change so much that going back, going without him, could seem like an impossibility?
She was still sitting on the couch when the door to the apartment opened again. She glanced up, her breath catching in her chest, but it whooshed out when she saw that it wasn’t Colt. Jemma and Cash stumbled through the door already wrapped around one another and the pain that lanced her chest was equal parts jealousy and longing. Because that might never be her and Colt again.
The happy couple had their lips locked together and their hands were racing over each other. Clearly they thought they were coming home to an empty apartment and why wouldn’t they? She’d been spending her nights next door with Colt so even though it was Jemma that was moving, not Cash, they’d been temporarily displaced. She was about to clear her throat to make herself known before clothes started coming off when Cash broke the kiss and his eyes found her.
“Fuckin’ hell.” His face flushed red which was kind of adorable and she couldn’t help but smile at him.
“Hey.”
“What the…” Jemma whirled to face her and despite her own flushed cheeks and bruised lips, the pleasure instantly left her face, “Skylar? What are you doing here?”
“I live here.”
“No. I….” Jemma shot Cash a look and then stepped away from him and towards her, “What happened? Why aren’t you with Colt? What’s wrong?”
