Page 32 of No Apologies
She blew out a breath, “I know. You don’t smell like fish.”
“Gee, thanks hon.” He chuckled, “Neither do you.”
Despite everything, she smiled. He really could be funny. And she liked him, she really did. She just didn’t love him and she didn’t think she ever could. Not when her heart belonged to someone else. That wasn’t Trey’s fault, it was hers.
She was the one that couldn’t stop cataloguing all the ways he was different from Colt. His dark hair and dark eyes didn’t do a thing for her. Reasonably she knew that he was attractive, could admit that she had been attracted to him when she first met him, but she thought now that might just be something biological. His dark good looks did nothing for her libido these days but remind it that what she really wanted was golden and gorgeous instead.
He tilted his head now, “Hey? What’s wrong?”
She blinked, realizing she’d been staring at him silently, “Nothing.”
“You sure? You spaced out there for a sec.”
“I’m fine, still a little tired.”
“From being sick? Yeah, I forgot to ask. How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay.”
He raised a dark slash of eyebrow, “Pretty standard response there. I wish you’d let me come over and take care of you. I was worried.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I just like to be alone when I’m sick.”
And she did, usually, but of course her stupid conscience had to remind her that she hadn’t been alone this time. Colt had come over. He’d taken care of her and she hadn’t minded in the least.
“Were you…” He tilted his head again when she remained quiet, “Alone, that is?”
“I…” She fumbled with what to say to that, not wanting to lie, “Yes, I was alone most of the night. A friend of mine stopped by to check on me but otherwise I just slept off the sickness.”
His dark eyes studied her for a long moment and then he nodded, “Was it him? The friend?”
She furrowed her brows, opened her mouth and then closed it again. Him. She knew who Trey was talking about of course. The only him that she really considered a friend. Colt. But she wasn’t sure how Trey could have figured that out so she remained silent.
Trey sighed, “Yeah, you’d think I would be used to you shutting me out by now. I keep thinking you’ll let me in, eventually, but you never do. It took me longer to figure out why than it probably should have considering the way you two look at each other.”
His words felt like a slap and she physically stepped back before she even realized what she was doing. She couldn’t believe he had said that to her. Trey, who never rocked the boat, had just called her out. She wanted to argue, to tell him that he was wrong, but she knew that he wasn’t.
She did shut him out. She kept him separate from her life as much as possible. It helped that he was gone half a month at a time working on the rig but even when he was in town she didn’t see him every night. They’d been dating for months but she didn’t sleep over at his place and had never invited him to stay over at hers. Even the hot and heavy petting they’d done when they first started dating had fallen by the wayside in the last month or so and she knew why that was.
She’d started pushing him away the instant Jemma came back to town. There had been a lot going on. She’d gotten a new roommate. Jemma had been running from her abusive ex. There had been shit to do and emotional baggage to work through with her BFF. She’d been upset that she was out in the woods, camping of all things, with her boyfriend instead of home where she could have helped Jemma when she first arrived, and maybe part of her had been blaming Trey for that.
But the bigger part of her had pushed him away because she’d gotten to see what true love looked like and she knew that wasn’t what they had. Jemma and Cash had just clicked from the moment the universe shoved them back together. Made for each other didn’t even begin to cover it. They were soulmates in the most basic and fundamental way. They were two halves that together made them whole.
Being around them and seeing that kind of love was both a blessing and a curse. It made her want it, badly, even as it made her admit that she didn’t have it, not yet. It made her see that the person she could have it with was standing right in front of her too… he was one of her closest friends, he just wasn’t her boyfriend.
And she should have broken up with Trey right then and there but she hadn’t. Instead she’d been slowly and steadily pushing him away. She’d been distant and even harsh with him. She had, she now realized, been doing all of the same terrible things to him that Colt had been doing to her.
As if she didn’t already feel like shit. She was a complete bitch. She knew that. But having the mirror held up to her face by the man she was hurting was a whole new level of awfulness and she hated it.
“I’m sorry.” She shook her head, “I’m sorry, that doesn’t even begin to cover it but I am.”
“It’s okay.” Trey shrugged.
“No. It’s not. It’s really not. You deserve so much better than what I’ve been giving you. I…”
“Sky.” He stepped towards her again and shook his head, “Let’s not do this now. It’s not really the time or the place.”
She swallowed the words and nodded, “You’re right.”
