Page 68 of No Apologies
Because he did love her. It scared the hell out of him. He had no idea how to voice it or even admit it but he did. He loved her but that word meant something different to him than it did normal people. It meant hurt and pain and he was usually the one left wanting. He didn’t want to reduce their relationship to that, didn’t want to break her the way he’d been broken.
So he hadn’t told her and he wouldn’t, not until he figured out how to be free of his familial responsibilities, to be the man that she deserved, not until being with him wouldn’t be a threat to her very well being.
He wanted to crawl back into the bed beside her. He wanted to hold her and forget all of the reasons it was a bad idea. He wanted to get lost in her again and ignore the fact that having her here put her at risk. But needing to protect her would always be more important than touching her so instead of sliding back in beside her, where he wanted so badly to belong, he perched on the windowsill and watched her sleep.
Only, he had barely gotten settled when her lids flipped up and he was met with two sharp blue eyes. He sucked in a startled breath. Not asleep. She was awake and he hadn’t worked out what he was going to say to her yet.
Skylar’s long lashes fluttered, “You came back.”
“Of course I came back. It’s my place.” He frowned when she shrugged as if it had really been a question, as if he would really leave her here after what they’d shared tonight. Then he remembered he’d done just that yesterday and sighed. “I went to pick up our clothes. I thought you were asleep.”
“I’m not.”
“I see that.”
She bit her lip and slowly sat up, pulling the sheet up around her naked breasts, “You looked like you were thinking something pretty serious there. Want to talk about it?”
God, she knew him so well. When had that happened? How had that happened? Usually he kept people at arm’s length. He threw them off with his changes in moods until eventually they stopped trying to figure him out. But not Skylar.
“I was thinking about that day on the street when I first approached you outside Split Ends.”
Her head tilted slightly, “You mean the first time we fought?”
His lips twitched, “Argued. I don’t like using the term fight when it comes to you.”
“Oh, it was definitely a fight.” She smiled softly, “I yelled at you, called you every name in the book and told you if you knew what was good for you then you’d keep your distance.”
“I knew what was good for me and it wasn’t staying away from you.”
Skylar’s answering smile to that admission made it more than worth it. She lit up. Her eyes sparkled and he wanted more than anything to go to her when she tucked her legs up and patted the empty space beside her, asking him to come back to bed with her. It took everything in him to shake his head and force out the words that would ruin the moment.
“But it would be better for you if I stayed away now.”
Skylar’s smile dimmed slowly, “What?”
“I need you to give me some time, Sky.”
“I.. but… what does that mean?”
“It means I need some time before we take this any further than tonight.” He winced when she recoiled as if he’d physically shoved her away, “I want you. You know that, or at least I hope you do by now. It’s you. It’s always been you for me.”
“But?” She prompted, her voice carefully even.
“But it isn’t safe for you to be with me right now.”
“Safe? Are you kidding me? You’re really going to use my safety as your excuse?”
“It’s not an excuse, Skylar.” He groaned at her incredulity, “My shop was attacked. Yours was hit simply for being in close proximity. It would go down the same way if they came after me and you were at my side.”
“Colt, that’s ridiculous!”
“Maybe, but that’s my life right now. There are people out there that want to hurt me and if they figure out how much you mean to me, they’ll use you to do it. I won’t let that happen. I can’t.”
Skylar opened her mouth, shut it again, and he watched her brows furrow. Colt swallowed past the lump in his throat. He hated that he had to push her away again, especially after what she had said earlier. He pushed her away to protect her but he only ended up hurting her when he did it. A little heartache was better than what his enemies would do to her though.
“I can’t put you in harm’s way. Don’t ask me to. I want to be with you but not if it puts you at risk.”
“Don’t you think that’s my choice?”
