Page 95 of No Apologies
“Colt?”
“I…” He turned back to face her and that horrible grief-stricken look was back on his face, “I can’t do this, Skylar.”
Everything inside of her twisted up into a knot. Her hands had started to shake too. Now she couldn’t cross to him because she wasn’t sure her legs would hold her.
“You’re right. We should talk later, after you’ve rested and recovered. You’re still hurting and…”
“No.” He gave a firm shake of his head, “I don’t know that I can do this. Us.”
“What?”
“I don’t know if I can do it, not like this.”
She struggled to breathe because it felt like her throat was closing off. She’d known he would be mad. She’d known he would be angry and even hurt. But she’d thought that he would understand when she explained herself. She’d never have imagined that this would be the reason he walked away from her.
She must have misunderstood him. Must have. There was no way that he was saying what she thought he was saying but she had to ask, just to make sure.
“You’re breaking up with me?”
“No.” He wiped a hand over his face and groaned, “I don’t know.”
“Colt?”
“Damnit Sky, why would you do something like this? I don’t understand. Explain it to me. You know how much I wanted to keep you separate from this Bomar shit. I didn’t want to drag you down into my hell and now you’ve made a deal with the devil.”
“You’re the one that said Lincoln’s not nearly as bad as he’s accused of being. He gave you what you needed, when you needed it and yeah, that came with strings, but what I did, doesn’t. I’m not stupid and I made sure our deal was clear. My money gets you out, for good.”
“You paid off a known criminal. That makes it dirty money. You dirtied yourself and for what?”
“For what?” She raised her eyebrows, “For you! I did it for you!”
“Exactly, and I already told you that I’m not worth it.”
God they were back to this, again? She’d thought when he gave in and admitted that he wanted her, intended to be with her that they’d worked past this but now she realized how foolish she’d been. His worthless self-image was well ingrained and it was going to take a lot more than hot sex and a declaration of love to change it.
“I think you are.”
“You’re wrong.”
“I’m not. You’re worth saving and I’d give Lincoln double, triple that amount of money to do it if I had to. The money doesn’t mean anything to me. You do.”
“I didn’t ask you to spend your money on me.”
“You didn’t have to. I offered.”
“You shouldn’t have.”
She groaned and rubbed her temples. They were getting nowhere. He didn’t think he was worth it. Fine. But it was too late to change the dollar amount on his head. It was what it was and no amount of arguing was going to change either of their minds at this point.
“I’m not going to apologize for trying to save you, Colt. You said you wanted to be free of your family. You said you wanted to put all of the Bomar bullshit behind you. I saw a chance to make that happen and I took it. It was my choice.”
“It wasn’t your choice to make. It was mine.”
“You were unconscious!” Her voice rose of its own accord and she had to consciously rein it back in, “Someone nearly beat you to death. You can’t hold it against me that I made the decision when you couldn’t. You needed out. Now. Not in some distant future. Now, before somebody else tries to kill you and don’t try to say it won’t happen again, if you honestly believed that you wouldn’t be trying so hard to keep me safe. It’s a dangerous world and it’s safer for both of us if you’re out of it.”
Colt rubbed his hand over his face again, “Okay, I get why you would do it. I just… I can’t wrap my head around how you managed it.”
“Why?”
