Page 90 of No Fear
Chapter Seventeen
Rachel lay in the dark, watching the man she loved more than anything sleep, trying to convince herself that she was doing the right thing. He would understand. He would have to. This was the only way. She had to prove that she was strong enough to stand with him, to be a part of this family and that meant she had to make this choice herself.
No matter how much he might hate it. How mad he might be. He would have to understand that this was her decision to make. She would have to make him see but she knew that she couldn’t get into another argument about it right now.
He’d threatened to tie her to the bed and she didn’t doubt that he’d do whatever was in his power to keep her here with him where he thought she was safe. She loved him for that. Even as she knew that she was taking a huge risk by betraying him, again, by not talking to him, but she knew that not calling Lincoln wasn’t an option.
She needed to do this. Not for Lincoln. She knew she didn’t owe him anything. But she did owe Remy no matter what he said. Relationships were about give and take and all she’d been doing since the moment she approached him was taking. It was her turn to do this, to give him the peace of mind of knowing that the person who had hurt his brother was taken care of.
Even if it meant turning on her own brother.
After their last bout of lovemaking, Rachel had lain awake in the dark for a long time thinking about what calling Lincoln would mean. She wasn’t just offering to help him get in touch with Craig. She would likely be used as bait to lure him out to his almost certain death.
Could she deal with that? Live with knowing she was responsible for his death? She wouldn’t have thought so but the more she thought about all she’d heard that night, the more she thought about how bad Colt had looked after being attacked at his shop, the easier the decision had become.
She hadn’t stood up for herself at all. Not once. Not ever. She’d let Craig get away with taking everything that should have rightfully been hers. The trailer and everything inside it and even what little money had been left in the bank after her mother passed away. He’d taken it all and he’d given her nothing but grief and pain in return.
He treated her like she was nothing to him. A roommate he wished would disappear. A punching bag for when he was angry. Someone to taunt and lord his power over when he wanted to feel important. He hadn’t treated her like she was his sister, a member of his family, in a really long time and no matter what he may have done for her in the past, saving her from those girls on the playground or saving her from his drunk, shitty friends, those good moments didn’t make up for all of the bad no matter how much she wanted to cling to them.
Talking with Remy about his mother and that tattoo had more than confirmed that for her. She could hold onto the good moments with Craig and still let him go. Because he wasn’t that same boy anymore and she knew that he’d turn on her given even half a chance.
Rachel winced slightly as she rolled to the edge of the bed and pushed to her feet. Despite what she’d said, she was definitely a little bit sore from their multiple rounds of lovemaking. But she loved the slight sting of knowing that Remy hadn’t been able to help himself, that he’d needed her so badly he’d forgotten his worries and taken her again. She would always want him like that. Desperate for her, soft and needy and murmuring words of love as they came together.
She only hoped after what she was about to do that she would get to have him again. That he would forgive her. Again. That he would understand why she was putting herself at risk and simply accept that after this, she would never have to do it again.
As quietly as she could, she tiptoed around the bed to find some clothes. They’d never gone back to her trailer for more so she’d been slowly buying pieces from the thrift store to mix in with the small stack she’d kept stored at Skylar’s salon in case of emergency. She’d known it wasn’t a forever kind of fix, that she would have to go back someday, but she’d never thought it would be under these circumstances.
After grabbing a pair of panties and a bra and what she hoped was a t-shirt and jeans, she shot the bed one last look. Remy hadn’t moved. He was sprawled across the middle of the bed on his back. One arm was slung out beside him, where she’d been laying only minutes ago, and she itched to crawl back into the bed beside him and snuggle.
For a moment, she thought about walking back over and kissing him goodbye but she knew that she couldn’t. He would wake up. He’d figure out what she was doing and he wouldn’t let her leave. She couldn’t let that happen so she couldn’t say goodbye, which was okay. Because she didn’t want it to be goodbye anyway.
If she had any luck at all, she would go and take care of this and be back before he even knew she was gone. She didn’t expect it to happen that way. She had crap luck at best. But without hope, she didn’t have much of anything.
After one last look, she took a deep breath for courage and then she left the room. She shut the door behind her softly and then went into the living room. Quickly and quietly, she tossed on the clothes she’d grabbed. Luckily, there was a bra and panties and jeans, just as she’d thought. The t-shirt however was one of Remy’s, a big oversized thing that draped her like a dress and fell off one shoulder. Despite the size, she smiled as she hugged it to her, loving that it smelled like him. Maybe that would make being apart from him tonight easier. He would be with her in spirit even if he wouldn’t support her doing this.
After dressing, she went to the kitchen and retrieved Remy’s phone from the charger where she knew he kept it plugged in at night. It was fully charged and she assumed he’d never unplugged it after the events of the morning. They’d spent the rest of the day in bed. A lost day, really. But so much had happened, it felt like they’d been at Cash and Jemma’s wedding weeks ago instead of a mere twenty-four hours ago.
She easily found Lincoln’s number among the limited contacts in Remy’s phone and transferred it to her own. She pulled on a pair of shoes at the door, wincing when her elbow collided with the wall and sent a loud reverberating noise through the trailer. She rubbed the sore spot and held her breath as she waited to see if Remy stirred, if he called out or came out of the room looking for her.
When he didn’t and the trailer remained quiet, she blew out an unsteady breath and unlocked and opened the door. As quietly as she could, which wasn’t all that quiet considering the age and shape of the rusted old trailer, she moved downs the steps and only once she was on the dirt ground did she gently snap the door back shut behind her.
After another full minute of standing there, waiting to see if she’d disturbed the quiet night, the rest of the world continued to move around her and she finally started moving a little faster. She headed up the driveway at a brisk walk, hugging her arms around herself and wishing she’d thought to grab a jacket because it was actually pretty damn cold during the dead of night this time of year.
She shivered and ignored the sounds of the wildlife all around her as she walked. It was birds and squirrels and nothing too harmful. That’s what she told herself. The howl of a coyote somewhere in the distance made her jump and she picked up her pace. She was used to walking since she didn’t have a car but once she thought she was a safe distance away from the trailer so that Remy couldn’t hear her, she stopped walking and put the phone to her ear.
It only rang twice before a rough, familiar voice came on the line, “What?”
“Uh… Lincoln?”
“Yeah.” He snapped, “Who is this? How’d you get this number?”
“Um, it’s uh… Ra-Ra-Rachel.”
There was a loud noise on the other end of the phone that she couldn’t make out and then a low chuckle, “Oh, yeah, hey Ra-Ra-Rachel.”
She hardened her jaw, “Don’t make fun of me like that.”
“Or what?” There was a sneer, “You gonna sic my cousin on me? Because I gotta say, you don’t scare me little girl.”
