Page 73 of Should've Been Us
Chapter Seventeen
Lulu curledher arms around her legs and stared out into the darkness. The sound of the ocean waves rising and falling was the only sound and the rhythm was peaceful, calming even. When she’d stumbled onto the beach she hadn’t known where else to go. She’d only wanted to get away, to be alone, to deal with the mix of emotions that were roiling inside of her. She’d collapsed in a heap on the warm sand, lost in her thoughts, and she couldn’t be sure how much time had passed. All she knew was that the heat of the day had faded, the breeze off the water chilled her skin, and that she was stillalone.
She’d decided that the man she’d fallen helplessly in love with was a complete dumbass sometime in the last… however long it hadbeen.
She was still upset with Connor. She was angry and hurt and confused. She was also pissed that he hadn’t come after her, or, if he had, that he was too dumb to figure out she’d gone back to the bungalow they’d shared all week and then, unable to stand the smell of him on her sheets, she’d wandered outside to sit on theshoreline.
It wasn’t as if she was hiding from him. One glance from inside her room out the sliding glass doors and he’d be able to see her sitting out here. Only he hadn’t come out to talk to her so he hadn’t come to her room, which meant he was either really, really stupid… or he hadn’t come after her atall.
The lump in her throat was hard to swallow past. Because if he hadn’t come after her then maybe the doubts that had been eating at her were real. Maybe all the things she’d been feeling had been one-sided and she’d wrongly convinced herself once again that she was in love with a man that didn’t love her inreturn.
Had it all been in her head? She’d thought Connor was in love with her. She’d thought the way he looked at her, touched her, even talked to her had been proof that he had feelings for her. He’d told her that he wanted to be with her, for real, for the long haul. Hell, he’d practically asked her to move in with him. He wouldn’t have asked her to move in with him if this was all just a game,right?
She closed her eyes and let out the breath she’d beenholding.
Being wrong about Derek was just messing with her head. She was doubting her own feelings now. Her brain was still wary, especially after what she’d overheard, but her heart knew thetruth.
It had been a crazy week. She hadn’t expected anything that had happened after she got off the plane in Mexico. She hadn’t expectedConnor.
She hadn’t expected him to try to take care of her or to admit he wanted her. She hadn’t expected the fire that had always burned between them to turn from sharp remarks to sizzling heat. She hadn’t expected the connection between them to grow so strong and she hadn’t expected to fall head over heels for the man she’d always seen as nothing but a pain in theass.
But the fact of the matter was, she lovedhim.
Maybe that was crazy. Maybe it made her seem silly or immature that she’d gone from thinking she was in love with Derek to falling for Connor. But she’d already accepted that she’d been deluding herself about her feelings for Derek. She hadn’t been in love with him. Only the idea ofhim.
It was Connor that had always been there for her. It was Connor that had always put her first. It was Connor that had always told her the truth, even when she hadn’t wanted to hearit.
Even when she’d hated him for it, he’d never lied toher.
Lulu blinked at the tears that tried to overwhelm her again. Connor had never lied to her. He wasn’t a liar. He’d always given her the truth. Even when she’d hated him for it. Even when she’d pushed him away because of it. Even when she’d yelled at him. He’d never softened the truth or given her pretty white lies for his own benefit. Yet she’d immediately believed the worst of him, believed that he’d lied to her, instead of believing that he had been honest withher.
She hadn’t even given him a chance to explain. She hadn’t given him a chance to tell her the truth. He could have lied when she’d asked him about the bet but he hadn’t. He’d said it wasn’t as bad as it sounded. She’d only heard the worst and then run away before allowing him to tell his side of the story, the true side and the fullstory.
Shit. Lulu cursed her own stupidity now. She cursed her naivety. She cursed her head for always seeming to conflict with her heart. Damn it, she was the stupidone.
Of course Connor hadn’t come afterher.
She was the one that had freaked out after only hearing a snippet of conversation. She was the one that had turned her back on him. She hadn’t listened to a word he’d said. She was the one that had walked away and she couldn’t blame Connor at all for finally giving up onher.
But she couldn’t lethim.
Lulu uncurled from her spot in the sand. Her ass was damp and she wondered if the beautiful bridesmaid dress was ruined. It didn’t matter, she decided. She swiped her hands over her backside and her hips, wiping the sand away. She was never going to wear this dress againanyway.
She had to go and find Connor. Now. No matter where he was. She would find him and she would apologize and hope that he would forgive her. It was all she could do. Hope and pray that she hadn’t completely thrown away her chance at being with the one man that seemed to understand her and care for her despite all of herneurosis.
Lulu wasn’t so unaware of herself that she thought she was an easy woman to deal with. She wasn’t. She knew that. She had a tendency to get lost in her own head. It was a terrible side effect of her overactive imagination and her love of books and music. She could just as easily disappear into the pages of a good story as she could the beat of a song and lose all track of time. She also believed in fairytales and happily ever afters and soulmates because of her books and because the world loved a good love song. So did she and she wanted what all of her books and songs had promised forherself.
With Connor. She wanted her fairytale to be with Connor. A whirlwind romance that blossomed on a trip to Mexico when she least expected it, and she’d thrown it all away in a fit of outrage and despair. She had to find Connor. She hadto…
Lulu turned back towards the bungalow and her breath caught in her chest. Connor. He was there. He was sitting on the edge of her bed on the other side of the glass doors. She had no idea how long he’d been there but from the look of him, he’d been there a while. He was curled over his legs, his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. He wasn’t looking up so he hadn’t seen her yet and she worried, momentarily, that if he did look up she’d see the fact that he’d given up on her, on them, in his beautiful blue-greeneyes.
He was here. He’d known where she was all this time. He’d come after her but he hadn’t come out and confronted her. Was that because he was done withher?
Connor must have felt her eyes on him because his head rose slowly as she watched and when his gaze met hers the breath she’d been holding shuttered out on a sob. There wasn’t hate or anger there. He looked sad and wary and worried. He looked like a man that had been hurt and was expecting more pain at anysecond.
Lulu forgot all about her damp dress. She forgot about the sand on her hands. She kept her gaze locked on Connor as she rushed up the sandy beach. She tripped and stumbled in the loose sand but she kept her footing and jerked the sliding dooropen.
By the time she stepped inside, Connor had pushed to his feet and opened his arms for her. She went into them without hesitation, throwing herself against him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face against his chest. She didn’t breathe again until she felt his strong arms circle her waist and pull her in tight with the same desperation shefelt.
