Page 74 of Should've Been Us
They stood there like that for a long time. Wrapped around one another, silent, just breathing and holding on. Connor rubbed her back in gentle strokes and held her like he didn’t want to let go. It felt like an hour had passed by the time she worked up the courage to try andspeak.
“I’m sorry.” Her voice came out, thick and hoarse from all hercrying.
“Shh.” Connor stroked her hair but she shook herhead.
“I’m so sorry.” She tried again but this time Connor sighed and began to pull away from her. She held on tight, not wanting to let go of him. He didn’t push her out of his arms though, only shifted enough he could meet her gaze when hespoke.
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for, Lu. I’m the one that’s sorry. I’m the one that screwed up. I should have told you about that stupid bet from thestart.”
“But I should have heard you out instead of thinking the worst.” She whispered back as he dropped his forehead to hers. “I’m sorry I ran away fromyou.”
“I’m sorry I hurt you. I hate that I made you doubt my feelings for even a second.” Connor cupped her cheeks between his big palms and met her gaze seriously, “I love you, Lulu. I’ve loved you my whole damn life and I don’t want to lose you. Please, please give me a chance to explain that stupid bet. I swear it isn’t as bad as itseems.”
Her throat felt too tight to speak so she nodded. He loved her. Somewhere, deep inside of her, she’d known that he did. She’d known that the way he took care of her, the way he made love to her, the way he looked at her, meant that he felt for her just as deeply as she’d realized she felt forhim.
Still, hearing the actual words did something to her. Her heart felt like it swelled in her chest. Being loved, by Connor, made her feel full and whole in a way that she’d never felt before, a way that she’d longed for when she read her romance novels. This was the kind of love that they wrote all those books and songs about. The kind that completed aperson.
Connor sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled her down onto his lap. He didn’t seem to want to let go of her and since she hoped he never did she didn’t complain. She settled against him and listened to his heart beat strong and steady in his chest as he took a deep breath and then spokeagain.
“That first night when we got here, when all the guys went out on the patio, Dean and his cousins mentioned the bet to me. I told them it was stupid and insulting but they were dead set on having somefun, as they called it. I mostly ignored them but then…” Connor frowned, his jaw twitching as he grit his teeth, “Then they mentioned you and the top of my head just about blew off. I couldn’t convince them to ditch the dumb bet but I couldn’t let any of them near you. Not when I finally had a chance to show you how I felt. You were just starting to face the reality that you and Dare weren’t meant to be and all I could think was that if one of those damn Harper boys that looks so much like him tried to get you in bed that you might choose them instead ofme.”
Lulu bit her bottom lip as she listened to Connor relate how the bet had come to be and her heart clenched with pain when he mentioned Derek. It made sense to her now. The reason Connor had suddenly insisted on being paired with her and rooming beside her. He’d finally seen a chance with her, one she’d never given him before because she’d been too focused on their best friend. His part, and hers, in the bet suddenly made sensetoo.
“That’s why you had to act like you were joining the bet.” She stroked his cheek when he winced. “You were… staking your claim. To keep them away fromme.”
“That’s all it was, Lu. I swear to you. I’d already asked Dare to pair us up for the week. I already had the room next to you. None of it was just to get you in bed. None of it. I just wanted to be near you. I wanted to be with you. And dammit, I wasn’t going to lose out on my chance with you because of some little Harperprick.”
She softened in his arms and gave him a reassuring hug. He’d told her the truth. Again. Just like he always did. He was right. When she took the time to actually hear him out, it didn’t sound as bad as she’d feared. Not at all. In fact, in a way, it was actually kind of sweet that he hadn’t wanted to let one of those immature assholes bet on getting between her sheets when he wanted to get under her skin and into herheart.
She was still annoyed that they’d bet on the bridesmaids. She still intended to rip Dean a new one for being so stupid and trying to impress his douchebag cousins. She figured when she told Krysten about it her friend would have a thing or two to say to Dean about it as well. But the truth of the matter was, Dean wasn’t her problem and neither were Reed or Ridley. The only man whose actions were hers to care about was the one that had said he loved her. The man she loved too, the one who was spilling his heart and soul to hernow.
“I believe you.” Lulu cupped hischeek.
Connor blew out a shaky breath and his eyes searched her face, “Youdo?”
“Of course I do. You’ve never lied to me. Never. You told me the truth even when I hated you for it. I should have let you explain earlier instead of jumping to the worst possible conclusion.” She swallowed past the knot in her throat, “I’m so sorry,Con.”
“Don’t be.” He caught her hand and kissed each of her knuckles, “You have nothing to be sorry for. It sounded bad. I know that. Just like I know that I should have told you about the bet from the start. That night when I put you to bed and you were so sad because you felt left out of that damn bet, I should have told you then but I just… couldn’t. I…You…”
“I wouldn’t have believed you then.” She finished for him and his eyes closed for a moment in what she’d learned was his attempt to hide his pain from her. She caught his face again, “I’m so sorry for all the times I hurt you. I can’t take it back but I can promise you that I’ll try to do better from now on… if you’ll letme.”
He pressed their joined hands to his chest, “You don’t ever have to worry about that, Lu. I’ll always come back to you no matter how many times you push meaway.”
“No more.” She met his intense gaze and tried for a smile, “No more pushing you away. No more lying to myself. It’s you, Connor. You make me feel… everything. Of course itsyou.”
“What are you saying, Lu?” His Adam’s apple bobbed when he swallowedhard.
“I’m saying I love you too. I love you, Con. You make me crazy. You make me mad. You make me smile and laugh. You make me happy and I love you for it. I love you for always choosing me. Even when I was too blind to see it, even when I was too stupid to choose myself, you always put me first. I’m only sorry that it took me so long to take the blinders off. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Ipromise.”
“You don’t have anything to make up for. You don’t owe me anything. I don’t want you to choose me because you’d feel bad for hurting me if you didn’t. That’s not what I want.I…”
“That’s not it.” She shook her head, “I do hate that I hurt you but, it’s not why I want to be with you. I want to be with you because you make me happy. You make me feel loved and special. You made me fall in love with you Connor and now I can’t imagine leaving this place and going home, if I’m not going home withyou.”
Connor’s eyes brightened, “You want to go home withme?”
“Well, I mean, we’re both going home to the same place and on the sameflight…”
“But you’ll go with me? Home. So we can start making a home and a lifetogether?”
