Page 5 of Safe
“Not like this,” he repeated, allowing himself to skim his lips over Cruz’s jaw before pulling back. “Not drunk. Not in an elevator. When I kiss you for the first time, you’re damn sure going to be sober enough to remember it.”
Cruz opened his mouth to say something, most likely to whine or beg or try to cajole Trevor into giving him what he wanted. Luckily, the ding of the elevator stopping on their floor interrupted him. Lucky because Trevor had never been very good at ignoring Cruz when he wanted something from him; whether it was a bite of his burger or the window seat on the bus, he usually gave it to him. He consoled himself with the unshakeable truth he could no longer deny. He was going to give Cruz the kiss they both wanted too, just not right now.
Not tonight.
“Come on.” He pushed away from Cruz and moved toward the door of the elevator. “Time for bed.”
A half-smirking smile tipped up one side of Cruz’s lips. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear you say that.”
Trevor chuckled again. “You’re going to sleep. Alone.”
Cruz pouted again, and Trevor dragged him out of the elevator and down the hallway. It wasn’t easy. Cruz was drunk and horny. He kept trying to pull Trevor back toward him, to pin him to the wall or slip his hands around his waist. Trevor was still trying to get the key card to work when he felt Cruz hug him from behind. He smiled because he knew Cruz couldn’t see it. More than anything he wanted to slide a hand down and thread their fingers together, especially when Cruz rubbed his cheek against the muscles in Trevor’s back. It wasn’t just sexual. It was intimate. Hugging, cuddling, it was about more than just the possibility of sex.
“I knew it,” Cruz whispered softly from behind him. “I knew it couldn’t just be me.”
The ding of the elevator at the end of the hall knocked Trevor back into reality before he could reply. Reality. Where anyone could come through those doors when they opened and see them like this. See them wrapped around each other. And even if Trevor had always been careful, Cruz had never hidden who he was. The rumors would be swift and brutal, and Trevor hadn’t decided if he was ready for that or not.
He groaned and pulled away, opening the door and shoving Cruz inside unceremoniously. He shouldn’t have led Cruz on in the elevator. Not when he hadn’t made his decision yet.
He couldn’t continue to play baseball and be gay. Cruz got away with it because he was bisexual, because he was young and flashy and signaled a new era in the league. Trevor was old school. He was on his way out. He was at the end of his career, and he’d been lying to his fans for years about who he was. They’d never accept he was gay, so he had to decide.
Retire and let himself have Cruz? Or keep playing the game he loved and let the man that might be his soulmate go once and for all?
“Trevor?”
“Hmm?” He guided Cruz toward his bed, but their legs ended up twisted all together and he groaned as Cruz managed to pull him down on top of him as they collapsed to the bed. “Dammit…”
“Sleep with me.”
“No.”
“Why?” Cruz whined, shifting his hips and grinding them together.
“Because you’re drunk.”
Trevor paused in the midst of admiring the way Cruz’s full lips pouted beautifully. Drunk. Cruz was drunk. He’d never seen Cruz drunk, not like this. And as his own fog cleared he couldn’t help but wonder why that was.
“Cruz?”
“Mmm. Like the way you say my name.” Cruz smiled from beneath droopy lids. Adorably, cuddly drunk. He was hugging Trevor again, rubbing his face against his shoulder. As if he could mark Trevor by leaving his scent on him. Trevor ignored the way that thought made his chest flutter.
“Why are you so drunk?”
“Because tequila’s a bitch?” Cruz snorted, but Trevor didn’t laugh.
“I’m serious. Why’d you get so drunk tonight? I thought we were just having a drink or two… What happened?”
Cruz stared up at him, his eyes dark and mysterious, and Trevor held his breath. He didn’t know what he expected Cruz to say. But when Cruz finally spoke, he should have known it would be nothing but the truth. Cruz didn’t know any other way to live.
“I don’t like seeing you upset. I thought a drink would make you feel better, but it just made me feel worse.”
“Why?”
“Because everyone else got to touch you. The waitress and the other guys, and it didn’t matter if they were just giving you high fives or smacking you on the back; you smiled at them, and I wanted it to be me. I want to be the one that makes you smile.”
Cruz turned his head away and closed his eyes, as if the admission had drained the last of his energy. Trevor bit his lip. Dammit. Cruz was always so damn honest, and Trevor didn’t understand how he let himself be so vulnerable like this. But he loved him for that too. Because he was all of the things that Trevor had never let himself be.
“You do make me smile. All the time.” He leaned down and carefully brushed his lips against Cruz’s cheek. “Now sleep. Sleep and we’ll talk tomorrow before the game.”
