Page 40 of Imperfect Saint
He might never forgive himself but he would take care of Millie. Not because it was his job. Not because he’d failed her once already. He was going to take care of her now because it was the only thing he could do, the only thing he wanted to do. He wanted to hold her close and tell her that everything was going to be okay. He wanted to tell her that he loved her and that nobody would ever hurt her again if she’d just let him be part of her life, but he didn’t dare utter those words right now.
The only other man that she’d ever heard them from had just busted her lip open and left a bruise on her face for the world to see. Joshua Bell had tainted love for her with his cruel words and violence. Hunter would do better than tell Millie he loved her. He would show her and he would start by helping her get through the terrible aftermath of what had just happened.
“Come on babe. A warm shower will help calm your nerves. Sit here while I get the water warmed up.” He sat her on top of the vanity in their bathroom and pulled away.
She clung tightly to him for a minute and he slowly and carefully pried her fingers from his shirt. He raised her hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles one by one. He muttered to her as he did it. He swore to her that she was safe. That her ex couldn’t hurt her anymore. That he would never let anyone hurt her ever again.
Finally, her hand slipped from his and he made quick work of turning on the shower and twisting the knobs until steam began to build.
He returned to her side, “Okay, Mills. I’ll be just outside the door if you need anything-”
“No.” The word came out hoarse and desperate and her hands were crumpled in his shirt again so fast he hadn’t even seen her move. She gripped the material and pulled, keeping him close. Her face was red and splotchy. Her eyes glassy and tear filled again. It was only then that he wondered where her glasses had gone but when her bottom lip trembled, he forgot all about them again. She looked up at him, “Please. Hunter. Please, don’t leave me.”
“Baby I’m not. I’m just giving you some space to take a shower.”
“I don’t want space.” A tear slipped down her cheek and everything inside of him ached as he reached up to gently wipe it away. “I don’t want to be alone right now. Please stay. You make me feel safe and I-I-I need you here.”
“Millie…
“Please.” Another tear fell and with it, so did his resistance.
“Okay.” He nodded, easing her hands away from his shirt, “Okay. I’ll stay. I’m not going anywhere.”
She gave a small nod but didn’t move. She stared at him, bottom lip trembling, and he wiped another tear from her cheek. She was in shock. He knew the look well after spending so many years in the military. Her world had just turned upside down and he was the only thing making her feel safe. She wouldn’t let him go but beyond that, her brain wasn’t working through the next logical step.
Hunter closed his eyes and silently willed his dick to behave. He prayed for more willpower than he’d ever needed in his life. He reminded the head between his legs that it wasn’t in control and that now was not the time. This wasn’t about sex. Not even close. But he was about to get Millie naked and put her in the shower and he needed his body not to betray him or else he might ruin the feeling of safety she was getting from him.
“Okay, Mills. Okay.” He nodded, speaking softly and moving slowly as he removed her hands from his shirt again, “Let’s get these clothes off and get you in the shower. You’ll feel better once you get under the warm water. I promise.”
She nodded but still didn’t move to help him so he slowly slid his hands beneath the vest she’d been wearing all day and pulled it off her shoulders. She didn’t even flinch when his big, clumsy hands brushed her breasts as he focused on pulling her top off and putting it aside. He didn’t let himself look. He couldn’t. She was wearing a simple cotton bra in a light peach color and it covered her. Thank God. He left it where it was, not daring to reveal more, and instead zeroed in on her riding boots. He unzipped each and pulled them off, adding them and her socks to the growing pile of dirty clothes. If he focused on the task and not the body he was revealing, it was easier so that was what he did, even as he helped her off the counter to stand so that he could peel her out of her tight jeans. She was left standing in that peach colored bra and navy underwear that mercifully kept her most intimate areas hidden from his wandering eyes.
Millie still didn’t move though. She stared at him. Waiting. He groaned and did the only thing he could. He pulled his sweater off and dropped it to the floor. He kicked his shoes off and quickly shucked his jeans as well. He left his boxer briefs in place, attempting to adjust his cock so that it wasn’t quite so prominent and then he took Millie’s hand and stepped into the now steaming shower, shutting the door behind them and enclosing them in the small space.
He could do this. He could help her through his. He could calm her down and bring her back to reality. But he damn sure couldn’t do it if they were both naked so he ignored the way the water soaked into his underwear. He wasn’t a saint no matter what his last name might be and despite the circumstances his body knew he had the woman of his dreams half naked and in his arms. He forced those thoughts away and backed Millie under the tall, pulsing, stream of water from the showerhead. She gasped as the hot water hit her and he winced.
“Too much?”
She shook her head and surprised him further when she wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her head against his chest again. Hunter sighed and wrapped his own arms around her, holding her close, taking care of her the only way he knew how. He held her and murmured softly that she was going to be okay, that she was safe, that he would take care of her, and when he felt her small body shake, he tightened his grip on her and tucked her under his chin.
She cried for a long time. Her body shaking as it was wracked with sobs. He could feel the tears sliding down his chest where she hid her face but he didn’t force her to look at him. He held her and let her cry as his heart ached and he prayed that whatever dam had broken free inside of her, that they could repair it, together. Finally, the shivering slowed and she softened, breathing shaky breaths and melting against him. He held her for a while longer once the tears subsided; held her until the hot water turned lukewarm and he knew their time was almost up.
Before the hot water ran out and the shock of the cold could hit them, he slowly turned the faucet off and pulled Millie out of the shower. Her eyes were swollen and red. Her cheek was starting to bruise already. The water had washed away the blood from her split lip but it was still puffy and he knew it would be sore for a while. She looked small and pale and fragile in the harsh light of the bathroom and he quickly grabbed a towel and began drying her and himself. She let him, swaying slightly when he moved from one appendage to the next and rubbed the soft cotton over her skin. He brushed her wet hair back behind her ear and then, since she hadn’t. protested anything he’d done yet, he picked her up again and carried her back into the bedroom.
He tucked her into the bed, wrapping the blankets around her and then turned to go back to the bathroom for his clothes. Her hand caught his. He glanced down and he saw the same fear there in her eyes as he had before, when he’d told her he would give her some space. She didn’t want to be alone. She wanted him to stay with her and make her feel safe. So he crawled into the bed beside her, curling his big body around her much smaller one, and kissing the top of her head. She didn’t say anything so he didn’t either. He just held her as she let out another shaky breath and when her small hand found his and laced their fingers together, he let her pull him even closer, letting his big body cocoon her in the safety she needed most.
Hunter sighed when a few minutes later he felt her breathing go even. He knew that the rush of adrenaline and then shock had finally faded. She was exhausted from the emotional outpouring. She was asleep now, which was good. She needed to rest and recover. She needed to get her strength back. Even still, Hunter didn’t move, worried that he would wake her or worse, that if he left the bed and she awoke alone that she would panic.
He lay beside her for a long time, watching her sleep and wondering what the hell he was going to do now.
He’d thought he had it bad for the girl before this weekend. He’d thought she had it all together, that she lived some perfect little life that was organized and clean and scheduled. He’d thought she was adorable and he’d wanted to know more about her. Now that he knew she wasn’t at all the girl he’d thought her to be, he wasn’t just fascinated.
He was in love with her. He loved this girl that tried so hard to look and be the perfect daughter, sister and assistant. The girl that hid the dark and dirty parts of her life away, the one that was just barely holding it all together but somehow made even that look easy.
She was the girl he wanted.
When he’d thought she was perfect, he’d wanted to muss her up. Now that he knew she was damaged, he wanted to be the glue to help put her back together. He just wanted to be whatever it was she needed. He wanted to be her counterbalance, her other half, the one that made her whole.
That was the kind of relationship he’d seen between Reed and Colin this weekend and he knew, with one hundred percent certainty that their kind of relationship was exactly what he wanted with Millie.
