Page 7 of Once Upon A Valentine
“Of course it does.” Bran took a step forward but Julian took a step back.
“No. It doesn’t. Because what I want and what I’ll allow myself are not the same thing. It’s called self-control. You should try it sometime.”
Bran’s dark brows knit together, “Wait… are you… are we not doing this?”
“Jesus.” Julian turned away from him and scraped a hand through his hair. “No, Branson. No we are definitely notdoing this.”
“But I thought…” Bran’s voice had taken on an adorable pouting tone that made Julian’s teeth clench.
“You thought what? That you always get what you want and tonight, since you decided that you want me, I would just go along with it? That I’d throw my morals out the window and become just another notch on your bedpost because you’re so fucking irresistible that I wouldn’t be able to help myself? That I’d let you use me to forget who you really are for a little while and then we’d just go back to being friends or whatever the hell we are? Sorry to disappoint Branson but I have more self-worth than most of your hook-ups.”
Hurt crossed Bran’s face, “It wasn’t like that.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really.” Bran went defensive, his tone rising. “I like you, Jules. I’ve always liked you.”
“And yet, you’ve never tried to make a move on me, not until tonight. Not until after I told you to grow the hell up and stop acting like you’re worth less than you actually are. Can you really stand there and say you didn’t decide to kiss me because of what I said?”
Bran’s lips pursed, “Can you really stand there and tell me that you don’t want me just as much as I want you?”
This was a bad idea. Julian had known it from the start. He should go. He should just turn and walk away and tomorrow everything would go back to normal. They’d go back to their meaningless flirtation and forget all about that kiss. Only, as he looked at the disappointment and hurt on Bran’s handsome face, he realized that he couldn’t do it.
He couldn’t walk away without explaining a few things to this man. If he explained and nothing came of it, then so be it. At least he would know. At least he could stop wondering. He told himself that was why he let the words fall out of his mouth and not just because he was desperate for proof that Branson Frost was the other half that he’d been looking for all his life.
“Bran…” He sighed, meeting the other man’s eyes, “You know I want you.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“I’m not like other guys you’ve been with.”
Bran’s lips quirked but it didn’t seem like an actual smile when he spoke, “Yeah, no shit. I actually like you, Jules.”
Julian frowned. Did Bran usually sleep with people he didn’t like? Jesus. He was more damaged than Julian had even realized. He disliked himself so much that he slept with people he didn’t like, probably so that it wouldn’t hurt when they left the next day.
Julian wanted to go to him in that moment. He wanted to wrap him up in his arms and tell Bran that he liked him too and that he would never have to worry about people leaving him again. He wanted to be there for him. He wanted to take care of him. But he couldn’t do any of that until he told Bran the truth of who he was and what he wanted.
“You know what I like, Bran? Control.”
“Yeah I know you…”
He cut him off with a growl, “You don’t know shit. That kiss just proved it because you don’t have any self-control. You see something you want and you take it and that’s not how I play. We aren’t on the same page. Hell, we aren’t even in the same book.”
“So give me your book. Let me get on the same page.” Bran persisted. “Tell me what you want from me.”
Julian nervously licked his lips, “I just did.”
Bran’s eyes narrowed and Julian could practically see him replaying their conversation in his head before he spoke again.
“Control?”
“Yes.”
“You’re dominant. I get that. I like that about you. Fuck, I’ve known that about you since we met. It practically oozes out of you like pheromones, Jules. You want to top? Great. I want that too.”
Julian rubbed his temple, feeling a headache coming on, “It’s more than that for me. I would want… need, more than that. I like having control of everything I do, including my relationships. You’re out of control and everyone knows it. I can help you, ease that burden even, but you’d have to do what I tell you, follow directions in and out of the bedroom. You’d have to listen to me and take care of yourself. You’d have to trust me to take care of you too. You’d have to let me love you, Branson.”
Bran’s brows knit together again and he remained quiet. Julian blew out a rough breath. He wasn’t sure exactly what response he’d been expecting but it hadn’t been silence. Maybe he’d overestimated Bran’s need to be taken care of. Maybe they weren’t the match he’d always thought they would be, or maybe Bran simply wasn’t ready for a relationship like that and Julian had rushed it and ruined everything.
