Page 53 of Impulsive Saint
“Just listen to your heart, sweet girl. It’s all any of us can do.”
Ashtyn snorted, “Listening to my heart is what got me into this situation.”
“No, it’s what got you out of a bad situation and gave you the chance to explore the world and yourself and any other opportunities that might come along for you. Remember that.”
Ashtyn’s throat felt tight again but she nodded even though her mother couldn’t see her, “Thanks Mom.”
“I love you, baby. Take care of yourself and if you need anything, call and I’ll be there on the next plane out.”
“I know. I love you too.” Ashtyn wiped at her cheek where a stray tear had fallen, “Bye Mom.”
She hung the phone up and put it back in her pocket. She stared all around her at the dark night on the edge of a city she’d never visited. She was alone but she could feel her mother’s warmth and acceptance wrapped around her like a hug. No matter what Ashtyn did, who she chose to be or where she chose to go, she knew she’d always have her mother’s support.
It wasn’t something she’d known she even needed but she had. Especially after the day with Tyler and the argument they’d just had. She’d told her mom it was complicated but in truth, she wasn’t entirely certain that it was.
They were two strangers whose paths had merged for a short time and in the end, they would go their separate ways no matter what her body or her heart might want. She wouldn’t press him for more than he was willing to give. They could be friends and see this trip out to its finale. And when she did go home, eventually, it would be with a permanent reminder not just of who she had been during this trip but also of who she had gotten to spend it with, the man that had helped her become the best possible version of herself.
She managed her first true smile of the day as she walked into the tattoo studio.
16
As the door slammed closed behind Ashtyn, Tyler felt like some sort of lifeline had been severed. He knew it didn’t make any sense. Still, it didn’t make it any less true that he’d gotten accustomed to spending every single moment of the day with her, of always being able to turn around and see her smile, or glare at him as the case may be. Watching her walk out of the motel room without him felt like she was walking out of his life and that disturbed him far more than was normal or reasonable for the short amount of time they’d spent together.
He wanted to go after her. He wanted to grab her by the arm, spin her around and pull her against him. He wanted to kiss her until she promised never to leave him but he couldn’t do any of that and he knew if he tried that she’d be just as likely to slap him as she was to kiss him in return.
It was one of the things he liked best about her.
So instead of following her, he picked up his shower bag and headed to the small motel bathroom to take a hot shower and try to come to his senses. It had been a hell of a day, one that he would love to put behind him, but it wasn’t over yet. Ashtyn was out there somewhere, alone in a new city in the dark and he wouldn’t be able to relax until she was back safely by his side, where she belonged.
Tyler cursed the thought as he turned the water on as hot as it would go and then shed his clothes and stepped under the steaming torrent. The pelting water hurt at first as his skin tried to adjust to the heat but it was nothing compared to the pain that clamped around his heart whenever he thought of Ashtyn and the way she’d looked at him just before she walked out the door.
She’d been angry with him all day. He knew that. She’d been quiet and distant and he’d thought it was for the best. But she hadn’t been angry when she left the motel. She’d seemed far more resigned than upset, as if he’d let her down, and damn if that didn’t fill him with a sense of failure like nothing he’d ever known.
He was used to letting people down. He never lived up to the standards Vaughn set for him. Hunter was always covering for him, in one way or another. He wasn’t the reliable St. James brother and everyone knew it. But damn if he didn’t want Ashtyn to know that she could rely on him, that he would have her back, that he would always be there for her and would do his best to make her happy.
He realized as he stood under the steaming water that Ashtyn was the one person in the world that he didn’t want to let down.
Only he already had because he’d lied. He’d lied about so many things either directly or through omission. He’d never told her why he’d been at the wedding or what he did for work. He certainly hadn’t come close to revealing that he was still working for her family, that he’d only agreed to take her to Las Vegas on this trip because it was his job. He couldn’t even begin to explain to her how his job, taking care of her, protecting her, was the reason he couldn’t be with her the way he wanted. He couldn’t put into words that wanting to protect her and be there for her and make her happy had nothing to do with the job at this point.
He liked her. He liked her and he’d hurt her. And he wasn’t sure she would ever forgive him but he knew that he had to at least try to make things right between them, otherwise it would eat him up from the inside out and destroy him.
He could ignore a lot of things. His mother preferring booze to the presence of her sons. His father’s inability to care about anyone’s happiness but his own. Vaughn’s never-ending demands that Tyler grow up and be more responsible. Hunter leaving him behind to build his own life with Millie and even Tatum’s tantrums about not being the center of everyone’s attention anymore. Tyler had always been able to tune them out and do his own thing but it was a shocking realization to him that he wouldn’t just be able to ignore Ashtyn’s hurt.
Her hurt was his hurt. Her pain was his pain. And he had to fix it.
Tyler washed his hair, rinsed off and then, finally, turned the hot water off and stepped out of the shower. He felt better than he had all day and he knew it was about more than just the refreshing shower. He knew what he had to do, namely get Ashtyn to talk to him and agree to be his friend again, and now that he had a plan to make things better between them, he felt lighter.
He shaved and brushed his teeth and then found a clean pair of clothes in his bag. Luckily the motel in Oklahoma City had been right next to a laundromat so he and Ashtyn had been able to do laundry and now the small pack of clothes they’d each brought with them were freshly clean instead of stale and dust-covered from their days and days on the road. He pulled on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and was just shrugging back into his jacket when his cell phone buzzed on the bedside table where he’d left it to charge.
He took one look at the name on the screen and grinned as he picked up, “Tell me you’re just calling to say that you’re home and not to check up on me.”
Hunter’s laughter rolled down the line and Tyler’s grin widened. He and Hunter had always been the closest out of the siblings. They were the closest in age and had the same mother and father so they’d grown up with the same troubling sense of not belonging after their dad got back together with Vaughn’s mom and they had Tatum. Hunter understood him better than anyone and he had truly missed his big brother while he’d been away on his honeymoon for the past two weeks.
“Can’t a big brother do both?”
Tyler groaned, “Vaughn told you then?”
“The second he had me strapped into the passenger seat of his car at the airport.” Hunter chuckled.
