Page 58 of Impulsive Saint
She wasn’t ready to say goodbye to this man that had become her savior and her friend and maybe, if they’d met in another place or time, he could have been her everything.
“Hey, you done in there?”
Ashtyn blinked in the mirror, glancing up to see that Tyler was standing in the doorway. She’d been lost in her thoughts and hadn’t heard him approach. He was bare-chested and his jeans were slung low over his hips. He had his toiletry bag in one hand and when she met his eyes again, he raised a curious eyebrow.
“Ash?”
“Sorry, yeah.” She shook away the shot of desire that had nearly overtaken her. “I’m done. It’s all yours.”
He scooted out of the way as she grabbed her things and all but fled the bathroom. She didn’t miss that he pressed himself against the wall to make sure no part of them touched as she passed. She bit the inside of her cheek and reminded herself that the more distance he put between them now the easier the distance would be when he was gone for good from her life.
Tyler went into the bathroom and shut the door behind him. She dug through her things until she found the simple boxer shorts and tank top that she’d been using as pajamas and changed from her jeans and tank top into them as quickly as possible. She repacked her bag, plugged the small phone into a charger and then climbed into bed, flipping the small lamp beside her off as she did. She was just rolling onto her side when Tyler came back out of the bathroom.
Her breath caught and she squeezed her eyes shut almost painfully tight. The room was dim, with only the lamp on the other side of the bed giving off light. Still, she’d seen enough to know that her dreams were going to be sweaty again tonight.
Tyler was only wearing his boxers. She knew that’s what he slept in. They’d spent every night of the trip together in the small confines of crappy motel rooms, most of them with only one bed, just like this one. She’d even seen him naked the night before when they’d been intimate but somehow, seeing him like this was worse. Maybe because now she knew what those hard muscles and big hands felt like on her body, just like she knew she’d never experience the pleasure he’d brought her ever again.
She kept her eyes squeezed shut until she felt his weight shift the mattress on the other side of the bed. The lamp went off and she could hear the rustle of linens as he slid between the sheets. She bit her lip and bunched her hands into fists beneath her pillow to keep from reaching for him. He didn’t even come close enough to her that she could feel his warmth and her heart ached with a loss she hadn’t expected. He had always stayed firmly on his side of the bed, the side closest to the door which he’d explained their first night together was to protect her in case someone broke in because they’d have to go through him first. She shouldn’t have been surprised when he left the giant gaping space between them now and maybe she wasn’t. Not surprised, but still just a little sad.
Ashtyn curled into a ball, trying to make herself smaller. Tyler didn’t move. She couldn’t even hear him breathing in the darkness. Still, there was a strange energy in the room, between them, and she couldn’t convince her brain to shut off and go to sleep.
She had no idea how long they lay there in the darkness, pretending to sleep. It was long enough that when Tyler said her name, she actually jumped in surprise. She gasped and it took a second to steady herself before she could reply.
“Ashtyn?”
“Yeah?”
“You awake?”
She smirked at the wall, “Nope. Sleep-talking is one of my many talents.”
“Smartass.” he grumbled and she giggled a little.
“I’m awake.” She confirmed.
Tyler was silent for so long she started to wonder if he was the one sleep talking and then he surprised her again when he sighed, “I can’t sleep. I have something I need to say and I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep until I do.”
“Um… okay?”
Tyler made no move on his side of the bed so she stayed exactly where she was. She didn’t know what was coming but everything inside of her curled tighter with anticipation. She was very nearly holding her breath when he finally spoke again.
“It’s just that… I need to say… well, I’m sorry.”
She narrowed her eyes in the darkness, even though she wasn’t facing him, “For what?”
His voice was soft, “Last night.”
She couldn’t contain the groan of annoyance, “Yeah, I know. You’ve made it perfectly clear that you regret what we did last night, Tyler.”
“No.” He shifted in the bed and she felt a big hand on her shoulder, “No, not that.”
Ashtyn allowed him to pull at her just enough that she rolled to her back. He was leaning up on one elbow so he was above her. There was still space between them and she had to turn her head to look at him directly but in the dark of the room she could just barely make out the look of frustration on his handsome face.
“I’m not sorry that we slept together.” His eyes were unreadable in the darkness but she tried to search them anyway. “I’m sorry that I made you think I was. I’d say that wasn’t my intention but, it was exactly what I wanted you to think at the time. I was trying to push you away.”
Ashtyn blinked in confusion, “And now?”
“Now…” he sighed heavily and she felt one of his big hands cup her cheek lightly before brushing her hair off her face, “I can’t seem to live with myself if I don’t tell you the truth.”
