Page 59 of Impulsive Saint
“The truth?” Ashtyn found herself repeating, unable to process what was happening when he was touching her, even so gently and cautiously.
“I don’t regret sleeping with you, Ashtyn. I think… well, I think maybe I thought I should and that’s why I reacted so badly. It’s just that, I thought I was taking you on this trip to protect you. I knew you’d go with or without me and I was the safer choice. I could take care of you, make sure you were safe.”
“Tyler…” She shook her head but he hushed her softly.
“Shh, I’m not done.” He shifted again, coming a little closer, “I wanted to protect you because I saw you just like everyone else in your life did. You said they all treated you like you were a precious little bird and so long as they kept you in a cage that you’d be safe. When you left that church you were breaking out of your cage but all I saw was the little bird that had been kept in a bubble all its life and had no idea how the real world worked. I thought you needed me to help you find your way, to watch over you and make sure you didn’t fall but I realized today, you’re not a bird, Ashtyn. You’re a woman, a grown woman and you are smart and strong and beautiful and you have every right to make your own decisions and choices. I had no right to try and keep that from you.”
Ashtyn swallowed hard, her throat drying up as Tyler spoke so softly, so reverently. He wasn’t a big talker. She might not have known him long but she knew that much. He said what had to be said and he did it with as little fuss as possible. This, well, she never could have expected this from him.
He rubbed his thumb across her jaw, “Last night, you chose me. For whatever reason, you chose me. Maybe it’s just because I was there, because I was convenient, but you chose me to share your bed, to share your body, and I had no right to make you feel guilty for that, not when we are both consenting adults and I wanted it just as much as you did. I shouldn’t have felt guilty for wanting you, Ashtyn. I should have just let myself feel lucky that you wanted me in return.”
Ashtyn stared up at him, waiting, though for what she couldn’t say. More words? For him to close the space between them and kiss her again? She couldn’t think of anything to say and when the silence stretched between them and she felt Tyler lean closer, she thought that she might not have to say anything at all.
Instead, he pressed a chaste kiss to her forehead and pulled away, “That’s all I wanted to say. I just, wanted you to know. I’m sorry for how I acted. Goodnight, Ashtyn.”
Panic flared through her when he started to roll back to his side of the bed. She grabbed for him. Her hand caught his bicep and she squeezed so hard her nails probably dug into his skin but she couldn’t convince herself to loosen her grip. She was certain if she did that he’d slip through her fingers again.
“Wait…”
“What?” Tyler went stone still beside her.
“You weren’t just convenient.” The words rushed out of her now as the fear of never bridging the gap between them threatened her very being. “You’re not convenient, Tyler. You’re not neat and tidy and you’re nothing like what I thought I wanted in a partner, nothing like I expected, but I like you. I really like you and I know maybe it seems crazy or like the timing is all wrong but the truth is, the timing couldn’t be more right because every single time I’ve needed you since the moment I walked out of that church you’ve been there for me and I like that. I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to lose you.”
Tyler shifted just enough that she could see a hint of a smile when he looked down at her, “You like me, huh?”
“Sometimes.” She smirked. “When you’re not trying to make me miserable or calling me a spoiled princess.”
“I don’t want to make you miserable anymore.” he admitted quietly.
“Then don’t.” She shifted closer to him, pressing her body against his.
“But you’ll always be a princess to me, Ashtyn.” He cupped her face softly, “A beautiful, untouchable, perfect princess.”
“I’m not perfect and I don’t want to be untouchable.” She reached up to cup his jaw, his stubble sliding deliciously across her palm. “When you were talking you said that you should have been happy that I wanted you in return. You kept saying wanted, past tense. But I still want you, Tyler.”
“I still want you, too. Past, present, future, I want you for all of them, Ashtyn.”
“I don’t want to think about the past and I have no idea what the future holds, but here, right now, in the present…” She met his eyes, “I’m yours.”
Tyler groaned and a moment later his mouth was on hers. She whimpered at the desperation in the kiss. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her across the small space that remained between them, erasing all the distance he’d been keeping so carefully between them. He kissed her and she kissed him back just as desperately, certain that they’d both feared they’d never get another chance at this.
It was then, in that moment, that Ashtyn realized she was falling in love with him. He’d said he only came with her on this trip to keep her from falling so it was ironic that he would be the reason she felt the ground shift out from beneath her feet. She was falling for him, had maybe been falling since the moment she saw him leaning against that motorcycle like her guardian angel come to rescue her and sweep her away from the life she hadn’t wanted.
This was what she wanted. Tyler was what she wanted. She wanted passion and she wanted adventure and she never wanted their journey to end.
Not tonight. Not tomorrow in Las Vegas. Not ever.
18
Tyler couldn’t seem to stop kissing her. He’d known that was going to be a problem the moment he’d first done it. For some stupid reason he’d convinced himself that he could push her away, keep her at a distance, and get through the last days of this trip without doing it again but he’d been a fool.
She was too beautiful. Too smart and too kind and too genuine. The pure joy that radiated off her when she’d shown him her new tattoo had made the moment feel magical. Every moment with her felt that way and though he knew that it would end, that their journey together was almost over, he couldn’t stand the idea of wasting what precious little time they had left putting boundaries back up between them.
Ashtyn nipped his bottom lip just the way he liked and he groaned as she shifted closer, pressing her body to his and forcing him to roll to his back. His eyes had adjusted to the darkness enough that he could make out the angles of her beautiful face, the cascade of shimmering blonde hair and the small smile that stretched at her lips as she crawled over him. He had never seen anything more incredible in his life and he made no move to stop her or try to take back control of this encounter.
Last time, he’d been so crazy for her that he’d taken her hard and fast. It hadn’t been soft and it hadn’t been sweet. He hadn’t been able to hang on to the tattered pieces of his control long enough to tease, or play, or learn every inch of her body the way he wanted to. He hadn’t been coherent enough to take note of all the amazing little things that only made him fall for her a little more every second.
She ran her nails down his chest and hummed, “Have I mentioned how much I love your tattoos?”
