Page 68 of Impulsive Saint
“You mean because the trip was over. I got what I wanted right? You brought me to Vegas just like you promised. End of your mission.”
“No.” his voice was practically a growl. “No, Ashtyn. It isn’t like that.”
“I wouldn’t know what it’s like because you’ve lied to me this whole time.” her voice came out as barely more than a squeak and she gripped the handle of the door tighter to keep herself from sinking to the floor. “You’re only here because my mother paid you to babysit me like I was an errant child.”
“No.” he snapped and then seemed to regain some control because he lowered his voice again, “No, Ashtyn. That might be why I agreed to bring you to Las Vegas but it’s not why I’m here now. It’s not why I agreed to help you with your bucket list and it’s not why I can’t stand the idea of you walking out that door. Please, don’t leave me. Give me a chance to explain.”
“I…” She swallowed past the lump in her throat, “I can’t. I can’t even look at you. I need to go.”
“You don’t.” he argued. “You don’t need to go anywhere. Youwantto. You want to run away because that’s what you do when things get hard. Hell, that’s the only reason we’re in this situation, the only reason our paths crossed was because you were running instead of facing the truth.”
“Don’t talk to me about truth.” she hissed, spinning around to glare at him, forgetting all about her promise not to look at him.
His words hit too close to home and they hurt. They reminded her that he knew her so well because she’d given him everything, every piece of her. They reminded her that he hadn’t returned that gift. That he hadn’t given her the truth even though he knew it was the one thing she needed most.
“Don’t run from me, Ash. Please, I’m begging you. I know everything inside of you is screaming fight or flight and you want to run, but don’t do it. Not this time. Stay. Stay here and fight. Fight for me, sweetheart, because I’m damn sure going to fight for you. I’m not going to let you just walk out of my life the way your ex did. You mean too much to me to just let you go, so you can choose to walk out that door if you want, but just know that I’ll be right behind you. I love you, Ashtyn and I’ll fight for you until I can’t fight any more.”
She stared at him, completely entranced, not just by the fact he’d followed her into the living area, to the door, in nothing but a towel that was wrapped haphazardly around his waist, but because of his words. He was serious. She could see the determination in his sparkling blue eyes. He was in pain too and he was scared but he wouldn’t let her leave him, not like Aaron had. And back in that church, hadn’t she wanted someone who would fight for her? She released her tight grip on the doorknob, leaving the door shut as she stepped away from it and back towards Tyler St. James.
“You want to fight?” She all but dared as she wiped tears from her cheeks. “Let’s fight.”
22
Tyler couldn’t seem to breathe right, not with the pain slicing through his chest and his gut churning with regret and fear. He felt simultaneously nauseated and empty, as if he might be sick or faint at any moment. Five minutes ago his life had felt like it was perfect and now he was dangling on the edge of a cliff by his fingernails begging the woman he loved, the woman he’d wronged, to give him a lifeline.
As soon as he’d opened the bathroom door, he’d known that something was wrong. He’d felt it. Somehow, deep in his gut, he’d known something was off when Ashtyn didn’t answer his question and when he opened the door and saw his cell phone on the bed his mind immediately jumped to the worst possible conclusion.
He’d raced into the living area just in time to see Ashtyn reaching for the door and he’d known that he was right. He’d known that she was leaving him. He’d known that he was losing her and he’d desperately wanted to cross the space and physically drag her back to his side but he’d managed to stop himself, because he didn’t want to force her to stay.
He wanted her to know the truth and choose him anyway.
Damnit, this was not how he had imagined the conversation going. He’d planned to tell her. Really, he had. He’d been thinking about it for days but he’d wanted to wait until they reached their final destination and completed her journey. This trip had been so important to her and he hadn’t wanted to ruin it, hadn’t wanted to risk her leaving him before they ever got to Las Vegas because he’d have regretted her giving up that dream almost as much as he regretted not telling her the truth from the start.
“Come sit down?” he asked, motioning to the large sectional couch behind him. “Please?”
Ashtyn made no move to do as he asked and he swore he could feel his heart sink into his stomach. She looked beautiful and terrible. She’d done herself up in the items he’d had purchased for her and would have looked like a million bucks, if only her mascara wasn’t drying in streaks down her cheeks and her eyes weren’t red-rimmed from the tears. He wanted to go to her and wipe away the damage to her makeup but he knew he had no right to touch her, not until he righted the damage that he’d done to her heart first.
He hated that she was crying. Hated knowing that it was his fault. He hated that she had trusted him and he had hurt her. But some small part of him had to hope that if she was this upset it was because she felt as deeply for him as he did for her, because, after all, she hadn’t cried at all when she’d run out on her fiancé.
“Go put some clothes on.” she finally huffed, looking anywhere but at him. “I can’t talk to you about this while you’re practically naked.”
He glanced down and only realized then that he was still only wearing a towel. Right. Okay. He needed pants for this conversation, he could do that. But his bag was in the bedroom and he didn’t want to leave her alone to run out the door as soon as he turned his back.
Ashtyn must have sensed his dilemma because she sighed and stomped past him to the couch, “I’m sitting, Tyler. Put on some clothes. You looking so good naked is what got me into this mess in the first place.”
Tyler would have smiled in any other situation but not in this one. Instead, he rushed into the bedroom and grabbed the first set of clothes he could find. He paid no attention to whether they were dirty or clean, he simply slid his legs into a pair of boxers and then jeans, pulled a shirt over his head and returned to the living room as quickly as possible.
True to her word, Ashtyn sat perched on the edge of the sectional. She didn’t look up when he came back into the room. Instead she sat perfectly still, as if moving an inch might break her. She kept her hands clenched in her lap and her feet on the floor, as if she might still walk away if she didn’t like his explanation.
Tyler thought about moving towards her but ultimately decided to give her the space she seemed to want and took a seat on the opposite side of the sectional. He was between her and the door this way too. He hated that he had to consider strategic positioning but he did.
He wished she would look at him but she stared straight ahead, as if the vase of flowers on the coffee table was the only thing that mattered to her. He knew she was trying to hold herself together and didn’t comment or ask her to look at him. Instead he did the only thing he could. He took a deep breath for courage and then started trying to explain himself.
“Will you please agree to hear me out? Promise not to run off before I tell you the whole story? Because I know it’s going to be hard to hear but I swear to you, I’m here for the right reasons, Ashtyn. I’m here because of you.”
She only graced him with a short nod of her chin but it was enough.
“To start at the beginning, yes, I was hired to be part of the security detail the day of your wedding.” Tyler admitted. “I was supposed to be inside the church actually, with you, as part of your security detail, but I was late getting downtown and by the time I got there the church doors were shut. I didn’t want to interrupt if the ceremony had already started so I texted a coworker to see if he’d let me in and decided to wait outside until I heard back from him.”
