Page 4 of Back to December
There’s no way for me to stand on my own, and if I tried—well, I can only pretend that I can grasp the fallout from that. I don’t think my mother is a Disney villain, although this afternoon, she’s teetering close.
But Idoknowthatshe wouldn’t simply let me file for emancipation. That option is off the table. Which means, so is staying behind.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” I whisper.
We’ve really barely talked about it, but I don’t want to waste our goodbye.
Holden shifts so we’re hip to hip, then gathers me in his arms. He smells like his family bakery: sugar and vanilla and pumpkin spice.
“That’s okay,” he says quietly. “But is it all right if I say something?”
I nod against his chest, listening to his heartbeat.
“This doesn’t have to be anything but goodbyefor now. We can work out how to make this work long-distance, I’m not going anywhere. If you think I’m wasting this once-in-a-lifetime love just because you’re moving, you’re crazy.” He presses a kiss to my temple, unlocking a fresh wave of emotion in my chest.
Strong, reassuring Holden.
I wish I could offer the same, that I could be so sure about the L-word.
Ella talks about it all the time, like it’s as common as the magic that runs through this town. Her parents met and fell in love next door; something out of a fairy tale, if you ask me. I think the closest I’ve gotten to seeing it in action is seeing it in my stepdad’s actions.
Holden reminds me of him a lot sometimes. He’s not quick to judge, and he’s patient with me. Likereallypatient. He never hesitates to drop whatever he needs to so he can be there for me, like right now.
So maybe thisislove?
I’m just not sure how to give that back to him. Or what I’m offering him that makes me so special. But most of all, I don’t know how to accept what he’s offering me.
“Long distance is a lot of work.”
“I know,” he says.
“Wouldn’t you rather meet someone here? You could probably have your pick.”
“I’ve already picked, honey.You.”
I want to argue and tell him he should choose differently. He deserves someone who won’t walk aroundhaunted by the ghosts of what was, or what might have been. Everything will be different now.
“So much work,” I repeat. Only this time, I’m not just talking about the distance. I’m talking aboutmyself, too.
“You don’t think you’re worth that work?” he asks.
“I don’t know,” I whisper.
His thumb brushes away a tear. “I do. It’s why I love you.”
I can’t say it back—not yet. I want to make sure I mean it when I tell someone that, especially if it’s Holden.
When he kisses me, it almost makes me believe what he says. That I’m worth the work, and so are we. It settles something inside me and breathes something new into my heart in the process: hope.
We’re too young to promise each other forever, but I can certainly aim for it, anyway. I’ll tackle it the only way I know how: one step at a time.
two
The Glass Slipper Gang
SEPTEMBER—PRESENT
ELLA
