Page 64 of Back to December
That was me just two months ago.
I catch my reflection in the glass and barely recognize her—the ghost of a girl still waiting for permission to rest.
I don’t know how to get back to that person, though. Anger bubbles up when Holly’s wedding replays in my mind, unbidden and unwelcome. How do you move past that kind of betrayal? How do you piece your life back together and find a way back to anything that resembles normalcy?
The only person who could help me do that is the last person I want to drag into this. My mother wassoangry when I quit my job, hurling insults like javelins. Not that I was surprised. It still hurt more than I expected—like alcohol on a fresh wound.
I told myself I’d protect him from her, and that’s what I have to do.
My phone rings, a cheery Christmas tune floating in the air.
“I’m here,” I say before Ellacan ask.
“Did Sam have a room?”
I glance back over at him, smiling when he immediately pretends to be busy. “No such luck.”
“Come stay here then! It’ll be like old times’ sake?—”
“I can’t do that,” I say, memories making my voice small. “You need your space.”
“There’s no space here, Laila. There are Jacksons everywhere. And Molly is begging to feed you.”
She’s exactly where she’s supposed to be, and I love her—all of them—for the sentiment. There’s a gentle tug in my heart to agree. Once upon a time, we all played together on their farm. All of us girls had sleepovers.
Nostalgia tightens its grip on me, and I wonder if sharing a room with Ella, even temporarily, might fix this ache. But it could also drag down her impending wedding joy, and I can’t be responsible for that. It’s been a long time coming.
Ilovethat Ella is happy; that she finally found her place. But I wasn’t expecting how lonely I’d feel when she did. My twin Bridget has echoed the sentiment. We’ve both noticed the massive hole in our lives since Ella came home.
Home.
I wish I knew what that looked like for me now.
“Tell Molly I’ll be by soon,” I say.
“Good. Love you!”
She hangs up, her voice leaving behind an echo of happiness you can’t fake.
The front door bursts open in a flurry of snow and cold air. A figure cloaked in wool and winter stomps the snow off his boots, and unwraps the scarf covering his face. A familiar lopsided smile turns my way, and the cord I can’t seem to sever snaps into place.
Time and distance haven’t even made a difference, so I’m not sure why I thought it would change this time.
“Did you bring Colorado home with you?” he asks.
Butterflies erupt in my belly as I take in this new, rugged version of him. When I saw him only a few weeks ago, he only had whispers of scruff.
He’s all warm light now—nothing burning, just steady gold.
I told Ella that beards remove all logic. So, I refuse to be held responsible for the way my heart skips beats like it’s playing hopscotch.
“Sam says you need a place to land. Temporarily.”
Sneaky matchmaking future brother-in-law.
Sam doesn’t even look remotely sorry as he scurries out of the room. “Sorry! Laundry to fold. You know how it is with a full house.”
“Traitor!” I call after him. “This is not how you treat family!”
