Page 80 of Hate You Later
“What do you think about a houseguest, Oliver?”
Oliver is doing his usual afternoon sunbathing by the large loft windows. He doesn’t seem particularly motivated to interact with me. Perhaps he’s just bent out of shape that I haven’t been lavishing him with as much attention or taking nearly as many photos of him since discovering his pet influencer buddy’s true identity. I’ve been doing the bare minimum.
“Do you miss Cookie?” I ask. Oliver looks up at me mournfully from the living room floor, tail swishing. Then, with a world-weary sigh, he lays his head back down and resumes his morose staring at the wall.
“Me too, buddy. How about we try sending Cookie a photo?”
Quickly, I improvise an idea for a shoot. I tear into a bag of chocolate chip cookies that Bryce left in the pantry and select the most perfect-looking one. Then I lie down on the floor beside him, stretching out on my belly. I set the cookie down on the floor in front of Oliver’s nose. When he lowers his head to look at it, I snap.
Got it!
It’s so perfect that I’m a little sad that I cannot high-five Oliver.
I open the challenge portal, scrolling down past our last “Hate You Later” sign-off.
I fire off the photo of a somewhat bereft-looking Oliver, staring at the chocolate chip cookie. His range really isn’t wide, but that cat has got bereft, bored, and judgmental down pat.
Can’t stop thinking about you, Cookie.
Much to my surprise, she messages me back moments later.
I thought you didn’t eat junk food, Furball.
I’m not eating it, Cookie. I am merely gazing at it.It reminded me of you.
Well, make sure you don’t leave any crumbs on the carpet.
Heavens! I would never allow that to happen, Cookie.
Of course you wouldn’t. What have you been up to? I noticed you posted your costume photo. The judge costume suits you.You do seem judgmental AF.
I was quite disappointed that you didn’t like that one, Cookie. I even tagged your owner’s shop in the post.
Thanks for that, but she doesn’t need the charity.
Hmm … I’m not sure I understand your definition of charity,I type. This isn’t going well. Time to change the subject.Do you think I should check out Jackson’s podcast? I’d like something to listen to while I clean the house.
Lit Lovers?I’m not sure you’ll like it, Oliver.
Why not?
It gets a bit naughty …
Hmm … what was the last episode about?
Literary tattoos.
Interesting. Such as?
It depends what you’re into. There’s your Jane Austen tattoos, your Shakespeare tattoos …
What’s a Jane Austen tattoo?I ask.
Mostly phrases fromPride and Prejudicelike “Most Ardently” or “Obstinate, Headstrong Girl.”
One of those tattoos would suit you, Cookie. If only dogs could get tattoos.
Maybe. My owner has a Shakespeare quote on her back.
