Page 100 of Big Daddy Christmas
Eyes locked on her face, he watched her process. Watched the wheels turning in his mind through the windows of those dark eyes he loved so much. Waited for her excited squeals, the “Are you for real?”, the fists pumping the air.
And watched instead as she burst into tears.
Panic gripped him by the throat as she wept, big choking sobs, tears streaming down her face, ruining her makeup.
Lottie is going to fucking kill me.
“Baby. Baby, what’s wrong? I thought you’d be happy.”
“I am happy! I’m so h-h-happy!”
“Then why are you crying?”
“I don’t know,” she wailed, throwing herself against him as she sobbed.
Confused and worried, he did the only thing he could think of and wrapped his arms around her, rocking her gently from side to side. “Shhh, baby. It’s okay. Daddy’s right here.”
He still wasn’t sure what the fuck was going on, but he held her through it, let her cry it all out on his shoulder until she finally gave a deep, shuddering sigh and pulled away from him with a loud sniffle. “Sorry. I don’t know what happened.”
“You never have to apologize to me for tears, baby. You know that.”
“I do.” Her smile was a bit crooked, but she wasn’t sobbing anymore, so he’d take it. “And I love you so much for that. In case I haven’t told you lately.”
“I never mind hearing it again.” Cupping her face in his hands, he brushed at her tears with his thumbs. “Tell me what you’re thinking, my beautiful goddess.”
“I’m thinking I have no idea how I got this lucky. I’m thinking I can’t wait to get on stage with you again.” She hesitated, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, uncertainty stamped all over her face. “I’m thinking… I’m thinking that I miss the band. And I know that probably pisses you off, because obviously that means I miss Ace but I don’t, I just miss?—”
“You miss us,” he said softly. “You miss what we were, who we were when we were Deviant Whispers.”
“Yes.”
“Did you think I wouldn’t understand? That I don’t miss it, too? That I don’t miss the music and the fans and the thrill of it all?”
“You never talk about it.” Her voice was barely a whisper, and still he heard the hurt echoing in her words. “Even when I’m going on for hours about how we could start something new or do our own thing, you never really say anything.”
Apparently today was the day for them to share all their secrets. “Because it kills me, knowing we’ll never get back what we were. And I guess it was just easier to let you do the dreaming for us, because it hurts so damn much.”
“Oh, Ice.” Reaching for him, she slid her hands into the hair he’d taken down from its ponytail after the ceremony, pulling him down to her for a long, slow kiss. “I’m sorry. You should have told me I was hurting you.”
“Yeah, I should have. And I’m sorry I kept it from you. I just… You would get so excited talking about it, and I didn’t want to take that away. Didn’t want to squash all your big dreams.”
“I don’t want them to be my big dreams. I want them to be our big dreams. Whatever comes next, I want to do it with you or not at all.”
“Ditto.”
“So, we’re agreed, then.” She cocked a haughty brow. “No more secrets.”
“No more secrets.” Ducking his head, he took her lips again, slowly now, letting himself savor the taste of her as he held her against him. Her body, that now cradled a life they’d made. Together.
He broke the kiss, his eyes locked on hers as he lowered himself to his knees in front of her, breaking that contact only so he could stare at her soft stomach. “Hi, little one. I’m your Daddy.”
Soft laughter echoed around him as he leaned in to press a kiss to her stomach. “I don’t think she can hear you.”
“She can.” He didn’t know a damn thing about how this whole thing worked, but he felt the truth of it in his soul. Sliding his hands beneath her dress, he caressed her bare calves, working his way up her legs as he looked up at her. “You’re going to be the best fucking mom.”
“Yeah?”
There was doubt there, in her voice, her eyes. But that was okay. He had enough faith for the both of them. “Yeah. You’re going to teach her to be strong and sassy and not take anyone’s shit. And she’s going to drive us both crazy, because she’s strong and sassy and doesn’t take anyone’s shit. But we’ll love every second of it because she’s ours.”
