Page 40 of Coming Home to You
I’m wiping at my eyes with the back of my hand and cursing Beck as I hear the key slip into the lock and the door pop open.
“Kels,” he whispers.“You sleeping.”
“No,” I answer back, my voice devoid of any emotion.
I hear Beck shuffle in the darkness, making his way to the bed as he removes his clothes and climbs in next to me.His hand searches blindly for my body and when his fingers brush my stomach all I can say is, “No.”
“No?”he says gruffly.“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I’m not doing this anymore.It means you can go back to Boston guilt free and I can go back to my life here in Rockport.We both know how this ends.”
“What the fuck, Kels?”he asks, frustration and anger filling the room.“Is this about what I said in the tub?”
I roll over so I’m facing him and although I can barely make out his face in the darkness, I don’t need to.I know his expression right now better than I know my own.He’s trying to figure out how to make me believe he didn’t fuck up, he’ll call me baby and run his hands down my arms.His eyes will be filled with sadness, but it’s a scam and this time I know it.
“Yes, Beck, it’s what you said in the tub.”
“Baby,” he whispers and it makes me want to slap him across the face.
I flip the bedside light on and sit up in bed and Beck does the same, his eyes boring into mine.My fingers tighten around the duvet wondering if I just might crack him across that beautiful face.
“Don’t fucking baby me.Goddammit, Beck!Can’t you see nothing has changed?”Angry tears sting my eyes as I look away from him.“You said it then and three months later you left me.You fucking left me while my mom was dying.I needed you more than anything then and you still left.You can’t come back here now and act like it didn’t happen.You’re going to fucking leave me again!”
By now I’m sobbing, deep, guttural sobs, the kind that make your head hurt and your body ache.I’m not making any sense, my words falling from my mouth in no order, nonsensical and mindless.
I shove at his chest with my hands, wanting to hurt him as much as he’s hurt me, but he doesn’t move.Just a few hours ago I was screaming his name for a different reason and now I’m just screaming at him.
“She was like a mother to you, you fucking asshole and you didn’t even have the balls to show up at her funeral.”Ten years of hurt is suddenly spewing from my mouth as Beck sits on the bed and takes it.“Everything you’ve ever said to me meant nothing.It was all a lie, Beck.It was all a fucking lie.”
I lunge for him again, but this time he wraps his arms around me; thrashing and pushing against him, I try to break free of his hold.
“I’m sorry, Kelsey.I’m so fucking sorry, baby,” he says as my tears run down his bare chest.“I was selfish, but nothing I ever said to you was a lie.I meant every word I said and I still do.”
My body begins to relax as I come down from the adrenaline rush that was coursing through me.Each ragged breath that I take in makes me realize how tired I am.I don’t have the resolve to fight with him.
Beck runs his hand up and down my back and shushes into my hair.The worst part of all of this is that I still need him.As much as I’ve tried to convince myself otherwise, I’m not sure I can live without him.
I remember him leaving ten years ago and the painful fog I lived in for months afterward.It hurt to breathe, it hurt to wake up in the morning, but it hurt the most to dream about him and remember what we once had.I can’t imagine doing it a second time.
As if he can read my thoughts, Beck whispers, “Kelsey, you are my everything.I loved you back then and I still love you now.I promise you, we will make this work.Just please give me a chance to make it right again.”
Without thinking, I nod against his chest, because right now, I need to hold on to the false hope that maybe things might work out in the end.
Beck pushes me away, his eyes wide and his face questioning.“Really?”he asks as he looks at me hopefully.
I nod again and Beck begins to kiss me all over, whispering, “I love you,” each time his lips touch my body.I close my eyes, taking a deep breath.I take his face in my hands as I whisper back, “I love you too.”
Still nothing is resolved, but I find peace by just being near him and right now that’s enough for me.
“Make love to me,” I murmur, as I pull Beck on top of me.Hitching my leg around his hip, he slides inside me causing both of us to gasp out loud.
Beck’s cock is already hard and my pussy is already wet with desire at just hearing him tell me he loves me.It doesn’t matter how angry I was, because in this second it all melts away.
Slipping in and out in a slow rhythm, our hips meeting each time, Beck’s cock brushes my clit and it makes me moan out loud.I need more.
I press my hands to his chest and he slips out of me and rolls on to his back as I straddle his hips.Fisting his hard, wet cock in my hand, I place him at my entrance and take him inside me, slowly, one inch at a time.
My mouth is parted as a small gasp leaves my lips once he’s settled fully inside me.Beck’s eyes are closed and I run my nails down his chest making him look up at me.
