Page 42 of Coming Home to You
Chapter Sixteen
Beck
It’s after midnight and I’m still awake.Kelsey has fallen asleep in my arms, the warm weight of her body a comfort as I lie here.It feels good to have finally confessed how I feel about her.To say the words out loud again after so long, is a relief and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted.
When I’d walked back into this room tonight, I knew I was walking into a potential fight.Of course Kelsey would remember the words I’d used on her ten years ago, she remembers everything.But I wasn’t lying when I said I loved her and I definitely wasn’t lying when I said I wanted to find a way to make this work.I do, more than anything.
Leaving Rockport ten years ago had never been about Kelsey or needing to get away from her.It was all me.I just couldn’t stand the incestuous nature of this place.The way everyone knew everyone and their business, and especially the way they felt like they could stick their fucking noses in it whenever they felt like it.The number of times I got stopped and asked about when I was going to make an honest woman out of Kelsey, drove me fucking insane.What was wrong with us just being in love and together?We were only teenagers, for fuck’s sake.
But now, coming back here, I can see how this close-knit community has been good for Kels.They were there for her when each of her parents died and they’re here for her now when all this shit with Jason is going down.
It makes me feel like a prize dick for bailing on her back then.But how the fuck was I ever supposed to admit that watching her mom die brought back far too memories of watching my own mom die.That the gossip from this town was bad enough, but when I was also losing the woman who’d become a surrogate mother to me, it all just became too much.I was supposed to be the strong one out of the two of us.
And I’d thought for sure Kels would come with me, that the pain of losing her mom would be too much for her to stay, too.I mean we’d talked about getting away before, but I guess what I saw as a permanent move, she only ever saw as a temporary one, a vacation maybe.And like the completely selfish prick I was, and still am, I’d up and left her anyway.Left her to deal with the pain of losing her mom and the hurt of losing the one man who swore he’d never leave her.
“Fuck,” I breathe out, throwing off the covers as I gently climb out of bed.
Kelsey stirs a little, but doesn’t wake up.I stand beside the bed and watch her sleep for a minute.I know there is absolutely no way I can give her up now though.Being back with her like this is one thing, but knowing she still loves me, that she still feels all the things for me that I feel for her.Well that’s changed everything.
“I’ll find a way to make this work, baby,” I whisper, pressing a kiss to her cheek before I turn and fire up my laptop to start looking into these cameras.
The next morning I’m woken to the sound of a text message.When I glance at my phone, I see it’s after ten.
“Fuck,” I shout as I sit bolt upright.Kelsey has gone, but there’s a note on her pillow letting me know she’s only downstairs working.
Jesus, I must have needed the sleep, I think to myself.I can’t even remember what time it was when I’d crawled back into bed last night.I’m pretty sure the sun was on its way up.I did manage to find some information on the cameras though, and I definitely want to head over and see Finn today and share it with him.
I open my phone and read the message.
Ryan: back in Boston, gonna head over to that fucker’s place today.Will keep you posted.
I text back a quick thanks, grateful for my friend’s help on this.I’m about to get up, take a shower and go find Kelsey, when the door to our room opens.Glancing up, I smile when I see her walk in carrying a large coffee and a bag of what smells like my favorite donuts.
“Morning,” she says, almost shyly.
“Morning, baby,” I say, pulling her down onto the bed with me.
“I thought you might like some coffee,” she says, placing the coffee and bag on the side table.“You didn’t seem to get much sleep last night.”
I smile, pulling her in for a kiss.“I think this is what I need.”Kelsey’s lips are warm and sugary against mine and straightaway I know she’s been eating my donuts.I smile as I lick her bottom lip, kissing her harder as her body melts against mine.When she pulls back, I can’t help but grin at her.“Yep, exactly what I need.”
Kelsey blushes, and for the life of me I can’t understand what the fuck is going on here.When she won’t even look at me, I grab her face in my hands, bringing it round so she has to.“What’s going on, babe?”I ask her.“What’s with all this shyness?”Kelsey shrugs as though she doesn’t know what I’m talking about, but her blush deepens.“Baby,” I say, smiling at her.“You’re never normally shy with me, what’s going on?”
I watch as she takes a deep breath, her eyes never leaving mine as she finally says, “Last night, what we were talking about.”
“Ohhh,” I say, smiling as it finally dawns on me.Shifting, so I’m sitting closer to her, I look right into her eyes so she knows I’m telling her the truth.“Kelsey,” I say.“I love you, okay?I’ve loved you for the last ten years; the three before that even.I’ve never stopped loving you, baby, and even though neither of us knows exactly how this is going to pan out, I will always love you.”
“Beck…” she says, her voice soft.
“Let me finish,” I say, leaning in to give her a quick kiss.“I’m not pretending to have all the answers here, babe.I don’t know how we’re going to make this work with me in Boston and you here in Rockport, but…” I stop to emphasize my point.“I meant what I said last night.I will find a way to make this work, babe, because honestly, not having you in my life anymore isn’t working for me.”
“Beck,” she murmurs again as she throws her arms around my neck.I wrap mine around her waist, falling back onto the bed and taking her with me.
“This is what you were worried about?”I ask, kissing her lips, her nose and her forehead.
She shrugs.“I don’t know.I wasn’t sure if you just said it to end our fight or whatever.”
“Kelsey,” I say, my voice suddenly serious.“This is not something I’m ever gonna lie about, baby, and it’s most definitely not something I’d just say.I would never fuck with this,” I tell her.“I love you, I mean it.”
