Page 89 of Breaking the Rules
He stared at her, dazed and hurt, and then closed his eyes.
“You made me think I was delivering the love of your life to you. I thought that you’d choose him over me! Why the hell would you do that to me? I’ve been gutted over this, Waverly!”
Her heart twisted painfully in her chest. “You knew it wasn’t like that with Dante. You told me how you deduced that our relationship wasn’t as serious as it was made out to be.”
“You know I don’t think straight with you. Everything gets tied up and inside out because all I see is you. All I feel is how much I want you and how nothing else is ever enough for me. Evidence was pointing me in that direction, but I still felt like there was a man between us, that you loved someone who wasn’t me. That’s a cold thing to do, Waverly.”
“That’s how I operate now, X. You know how hard it was for me to trust anyone before you came along. So you can imagine how it went after you walked out.”
He swore quietly. He moved restlessly on the couch, his elbows on his knees and then pushing back to lean against the cushion. “You told me you loved Dante.” His fingers dug into his thighs.
She nodded. “That wasn’t a lie. I love him like a friend, a brother. Not like…” she trailed off, not willing to say the words. “Not like I led you to believe.”
“Why would you do that to me? You knew why I came back. You knew I loved you. You knew I wanted to marry you.”
“That’s exactly why,” she said in exasperation. “X, I have no way to protect myself when I’m around you. You broke my heart, and I still want to be near you. I can’t stop myself. If you’re in the room, I’m gravitating to you. And when you touch me?” She shook her head. “Nothing else in the world exists in that moment.”
He took a shaky breath and reached for her hand. “Do you think that happens with just anyone? Because it doesn’t.”
She shook her head again. “I know it doesn’t, Xavier. But I can’t go back to what we were. It can’t be you protecting me from life. I need a partnership. I need someone who trusts me and believes in me, who doesn’t think I’m weak and vulnerable.”
He studied her, emotions strong behind his eyes.
She changed tactics. “Do you know why I pursued this work?”
He shrugged. “You wanted to call your own shots. You wanted control and excitement.”
“I wanted to be closer to you. And I didn’t figure that out until you came back.” That motivating factor hadn’t hit her until she’d seen him there on the beach in Belize with that cocky grin and eyes that followed her everywhere. “We didn’t fit into each other’s worlds before. The only way we worked together was in bed. In every other situation, you were in charge. You were a guardian. That’s not a sustainable relationship. I wanted to be your equal, not your dependent.”
“Iworshipyou, Angel. Don’t tell me that’s not enough,” his voice jagged with pain.
“I want even more than that from you, Xavier. Ineedmore than that.”
“Tell me what you need, Waverly. You know I’ll move mountains to give you what you want.”
She held his chin in her free hand. His beard prickled against the skin of her palm. “I want you to see me as an equal and treat me that way. I want you to believe in my abilities and trust me. I’m good at what I do. I’m not that impulsive kid jumping off yachts or running away from home. I’m solid, and I need you to see that. It tore me up when you lost it at Petra’s house about me leaving with Dante.”
“I didn’t trust them, Waverly. What if they’d turned on you? What if it was you against all of them?” She could hear the panic in his voice.
“X, your instincts were telling you they were okay. But you got it all tangled up and I get that. I do. You haven’t worked with me. You don’t know what I’m capable of. But what I’m asking is for a chance to prove myself. Let me prove to you that I can be trusted. And in return, I’ll give you the chance to show me you can be trusted.”
“How?”
“I know you’re already looking for ways to cut me out of this operation.” He tried to look away, but she pulled him back. “I understand, Xavier. I really do. You show people you love them by keeping them safe, and me asking you to do this feels like I’m just throwing that back in your face. But I swear I’m not, X. I want to earn my place with you and I want you to earn yours with me. Let me work with you. Let me help take Target down.”
“And how do I earn my place?”
“By treating me like an equal, not a goddess up on a pedestal and not a child who needs her hand held. A partner.”
“You want this? You want us?” He squeezed her hand in a death grip.
“I’d be crazy not to, X.” The smile split her face as the words finally set her free.
Xavier wasn’t as ready to celebrate. “Say it, Waverly.”
He was so bossy, and that would probably never change. But there were a thousand things that she’d never change either. They could learn to work together, learn to trust each other. “I want us.”
He was yanking her to him, pulling her off the table and settling her in his lap. “Thank fucking God,” he said raggedly.
