Page 113 of Not Part of the Plan
“Clementine.” Hands on hips, Franklin watched the goat charge down the farm lane. “Going after Jax,” he predicted.
“Is that bad?”
“You might want to text him and tell him to get to higher ground,” Franklin suggested.
Texting. Why hadn’t he thought of that?Niko wrestled his phone out of his pocket and fired off a text to Jax warning him about the furry brown missile and then another one to Carter and Beckett begging for assistance.
Carter responded immediately.
“How in the fuck did that happen?”which was quickly followed by“On my way.”
There was no time to explain, not with four hundred pounds of pork hightailing it toward freedom. And Niko sighed with relief. “Okay, Carter’s on his way.”
His phone chimed again. “And so is Beckett.”
“Well, let’s see if we can at least get Dixie and Hamlet turned in the right direction before they get here,” Franklin suggested.
“Good call. I’ll run. You man the gate.” Niko loped off. The sweat was starting to work its way down his spine. He shed his leather jacket and dropped it in the grass and cut around the pigs that were happily stomping through a swath of wildflowers. They paid him no attention as he circled back to them from the other direction.
Great. He was in position. Now what?
Franklin, hanging on the open pasture gate, waved his arms in a shooing motion.
“Right, okay.” Niko raised his arms. “Shoo, pigs. Shoo!”
The bigger pig, Hamlet, Niko presumed, shot him a nonplussed look. Niko tried it again, waving his arms harder. “Shoo!”
Hamlet went back to nosing around in the flowers.
“Come on, guys. I’ve had a shitty day.”And now he was pleading with pigs. Fucking perfect.
“Fine. We’ll do this the hard way then,” he said, hoping his warning tone would convince the pigs to take him seriously.
Dixie rolled on her back in the dirt.
Desperate, Niko stomped his foot on the ground and clapped his hands. “Let’s go!” he yelled.
Dixie stopped rolling, one ear flicking.
“Move!” But there was nothing that hinted that the pigs were even aware of his existence.
“Fine. You asked for this. Just remember that. You could have been good pigs, but no. I have to do it this way.” Niko lunged for them, startling the pigs. They took off in opposite directions, and Niko went after the smaller one. “Get your ass back here, Dixie!” She started uphill, of course, and he hit a dead run behind her. He’d lost a lot today. He was not going to lose a battle to a pig. That was his last thought until his boot caught on a root. He caught air and time slowed long enough for him to brace for the impact. He sprawled face down into the dirt, a cloud of dust rising all around him.
He was debating on whether he was ever going to get up again or just let the turkey buzzards find him when the sound of raucous laughter reached his ears over the buzz of bees and the joyful squeals of pigs being assholes.
He half-rolled, half-flopped onto his side and spotted the source of the noise. Carter and Beckett hung out of the top of Carter’s Jeep laughing themselves stupid. Beckett was in tears as Carter clung to the roll bar gasping for breath
Niko held up his middle finger. It only made them laugh harder.
“Yeah, keep laughing, assholes. It’s your pigs running wild.”
“It was worth it just to see you Superman into a dust cloud,” Carter howled.
Franklin ambled up, the urgency of the task passed, and had the good grace to only chuckle quietly.
Carter finally took pity on him and, still snickering, hung out over the windshield. He raised a bag of potato chips in the air and shook it. “Here, pig, pig, pig!” he called.
Niko watched in fascinated misery as the two walking slabs of bacon trotted back to the Jeep, tails wagging and ears twitching.
