Page 119 of Not Part of the Plan
“He thought me being with the man who was incapable of providing any emotional, physical, or financial support for my family was the right thing. And now I’m getting mad about it all over again, and he’s going to have to apologize again,” she yelled toward the closed kitchen door.
“I’m going to the flower shop and taking the kids,” Beckett yelled back.
“Bring back pizza,” Gia shouted after him. They heard the front door slam behind him, and she smiled smugly. “My point is, my darling husband was an idiot, but I was magnanimous enough to forgive him. But you, sister dear,” she said pointing at Emma. “You’re the idiot in this situation.”
“There is nothing wrong with prioritizing stability—”
“Okay, let’s just cut to the chase here,” Eva suggested. “We think you make all your life’s decisions around keeping yourself safe so you don’t feel the pain and abandonment you felt when Mom left.”
Niko had held the same theory, and she’d eviscerated him over it.
“Do you honestly believe that?” Emma asked.
“Yes!” Eva and Gia answered together.
Emma crossed her arms, shook her head. “I still don’t see what’s wrong with that. Mom leaving was devastating to our family, and I think it’s smart to make sure I’m never in the position to give someone that power again. Nikolai is too much like Mom. He’s never given the future more than a passing thought. He’s always looking for the next exciting thing, the next beautiful woman, the next assignment. There’s no long-term plan there. He wouldn’t want to live here. We’re all finally in the same place at the same time, and you want me to just pack it all in and follow this guy to New York?”
“Relationships are about compromise—” Eva began, but Emma cut her off.
“No, they’re about figuring out exactly what you want in life and then finding someone who fits those goals.”
Gia’s laughter bordered on hysterical. “Oh, my God. Can’t breathe.”
Eventually she regained control. “I get why you feel that way. I totally do,” Gia told her. “But the problem is, even though you say you want stable and safe, you still walked away from Mason. You didn’t want him so you didn’t even give him the option to follow you here. You made the decision for both of you, and you walked away.”
“Just like Mom,” Eva added.
There was no blame in her tone, no anger. Just the cold, hard truth.
“And now you’re walking away from Niko because your feelings for him scare you. No, he’s not what you thought you wanted. But he is what you want, and you walked away.” Gia glanced at Eva who nodded at her. “Just like Mom.”
Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.
“Why aren’t you two carting around baggage over Mom?” Emma asked quietly.
“Our baggage is just smaller,” Eva insisted.
“Because we had you,” Gia said, reaching across the table to squeeze her hand.
“Mom may have walked out on us, but you stepped up for us,” Eva nodded, reaching for Emma’s other hand. “You did my hair for prom.”
“You bought me condoms when I told you I was thinking about having sex with Billy McBride,” Gia added. “You didn’t say ‘I told you so’ when Paul and I got divorced. You just showed up on my doorstep and helped me pack.”
“You used your own money to buy us presents that first Christmas Mom was gone,” Eva remembered. “You took a thousand pictures of my college graduation.”
Emma felt tears prick her eyes again, though these were of a different kind. “Oh, my God. This place is turning me into a sobbing lunatic,” she lamented. “I never used to cry before I moved here.”
“You stepped up as the mom we deserved,” Gia said softly. “And it kills us to see you push something real and beautiful away just because it makes you feel.”
“Fuck.”
Gia and Eva nodded in agreement.
She did the walking away so she wouldn’t get hurt. It wasn’t any better than what her mother had done, walking away because she got bored.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Emma sat at her kitchen island morosely stirring the oatmeal she’d made for herself after realizing she’d missed lunch... and dinner. After a very long day of mental torture, she was no closer to making peace with her decision. Niko’s words, Phoebe’s, her sisters’, all crowded into her head bringing with them a very large dose of doubt.
