Page 100 of Mr. Fixer Upper
“You don’t want to be friends,” she pointed out.
“I don’t want to bejustfriends,” he corrected.
“Then it wouldn’t be fair of me to take advantage of your addled condition and take you up on your offer. The kindest thing I can do is keep my distance from you until you get over your crush.”
“Paige.” The teasing left his tone. “Don’t downplay what we have.”
“Had,” she corrected automatically.
He stared her down, heat flashing behind those deep hazel eyes. “Don’t downplay my feelings for you.”
That little shot hit home nicely, just as he’d probably intended. She was in the business of telling people’s stories, and to do that, she had to have a healthy interest and respect for their lives, their feelings. Gannon didn’t deserve the pot shot.
“I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.”
He went back to his food. “Don’t make me take my Korean food and go home.” Playful again.
“I’m sincerely sorry. You didn’t deserve that. I’m just…” She wasn’t about to confess to him that his mere presence on her couch robbed her of her faculties. She could smell him, for God’s sake. The laundry detergent from his clean shirt combined with the spice of his soap was enough to drive her nuts. Smell-triggered memories for everyone. Unfortunately for her, Gannon’s scent triggered an endless marathon of X-rated scenes in her head that made sitting platonically next to him almost physically painful.
“I’m going to ask you something,” he announced. “Something you’re probably not going to like. But I’m asking it anyway.”
“I can hardly wait.”
“Do you honestly believe you have to choose between your career and a relationship?”
“In this case? Yes.”
“Why?”
“Gannon,” Paige sighed out his name. He put down his plate and leaned back, his arm on the couch behind her.
“Why do you have to choose when I don’t? We work for the same company in the same industry on the same show. We were interested in each other. We’re in the same, exact situation.”
“Except you have a cock.” One that she remembered in vivid, muscle-clenching detail.
“Explain it. Same people, same situation, yet you’re saying you’d be punished for the relationship.”
“This is kind of the premise of the documentary,” she began. “There are double standards, some of them so subconscious we don’t even know we’re all behaving according to the double standards until someone points it out. When I’m having a shit day, or even if I’m concentrating, there’s gonna be a guy out there who thinks it’s okay to tell me to smile.”
Gannon said nothing.
“Think about it. Say you’re having a rough day on set, and Andy walks up to you and says ‘You should smile more often.’”
“I’d punch him in his smug ass face.”
“Because it’s a stupid thing to say, right? Someone thinks he can tell you how to feel. It’s condescending. But you know what happens when some guy thinks he can say that to a woman? Most of us smile.”
“Instead of punching him in his smug ass face.”
She nodded. “Double standard. It’s not okay to tell a guy how to feel or to not be pissed.” She was warming to the topic now. “So let’s move on to a specific example involving the two of us. When rumors about us started on social media, you were the stud with two women, and I was the slut breaking up a relationship. Same people, same relationship, but one of us is applauded for it, and the other’s slapped down. It’s the difference between penis and vagina.”
He nodded. “I get what you’re saying, but isn’t there another layer in play here? What about your responsibility for your reaction? If you smile when someone tells you to smile or you back out of a relationship that you want to be in because of the public opinion, isn’t that on you?”
She grinned. “Very good, Gannon. Feminism, sexism, misogyny, and confidence are beyond complicated. Yes, we do have a responsibility for our reactions. But some women aren’t in the position or don’t have the confidence to demand better treatment. Those of us who are in the position to need to be willing to pay the price for standing up.”
“And you want to bring everyone up together,” he supplied.
“Something like that. Yeah. What’s the fun of being on top when there’s no one up there with you? Who wants to be the only woman in the men’s club?”
