Page 111 of Holding on to Chaos
Donovan swore and pushed his chair back from the table. “Come here,” he ordered.
Eva abandoned her chair and slid a slim leg over his lap to straddle him on his chair. He threaded his fingers through her hair, pushing it back from her face. “Baby, tell me you know that’s not true.”
She melted into his touch, needing to accept it as much as he needed to give it.
“I know it’s not true in the way she meant it. But the facts are the facts. She was a different woman after I was born.”
He started to argue, but she placed her hand over his mouth. “Wait,” she said softly. “Dad told me today that she’d experimented with drugs before. He’d caught her once or twice and put his foot down. It was him or the drugs, and she got clean. But she had that history. It didn’t all start with me.”
“It wasn’t you, Eva. It was never you.”
“I know, but try telling that to the five-year-old inside me. This helped. Knowing that I wasn’t the beginning of it. But that doesn’t change the fact that I royally screwed up with you.”
“No, it doesn’t,” he agreed.
“Not going to make it easy for me, are you?”
“Why didn’t you tell me, Eva?”
“I didn’t want you judging me based on what I came from. Your parents are wonderful and giving and kind. And so is my father, but doesn’t it give you pause at all to know that I come from Agnes? That I have that in me?”
“Sweetheart, what decision in your life have you ever made that lined up with Agnes?”
“Maybe I’ve been pushing you away because part of me believed what she said. And maybe I’m done thinking like that. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for hurting you. I can’t imagine how it felt to find out this way and to know that I didn’t come to you with this.”
“It killed me, Eva. I need you to trust me, believe in me. I don’t need to fix things for you—though I might be inclined to be consulted—I just need you to trust me enough to let me in. You can’t spend your whole life keeping secrets from people, from me.”
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “Are you ready for one more?”
“A secret? Good god, woman, how many do you have in that vault of yours?”
“I love you, Donovan Cardona.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
He gripped her hips hard. He hadn’t known he’d needed the words so very badly until he’d heard them.
“That’s some apology, Eva.”
“That’s an addendum to the apology. I’m sorry. I love you. Two separate statements,” she said. Her eyes were cloudy with tears.
“Don’t you dare cry. It’ll tear me up inside,” he warned her.
“Dammit. I never cry!” A tear escaped, and she swiped at it nervously. “Shit. Okay. I love you Donovan for everything that you are and everything that you see in me. And I don’t care if it is the whole planetary crossing or not. I’m all in.”
“I’m going to want marriage, Eva,” he warned. “Definitely a dog. Some kids.”
“That sounds pretty good to me. In time,” she clarified, laughing through the tears. “I promise I won’t lie to you again unless it’s about a surprise party or a Christmas present.”
“What about withholding? You seem to do that more often than outright lie.”
“I won’t do that either. Unless absolutely necessary for happy surprise purposes.”
He pinched her, and she laughed.
“Apology accepted,” he said, bringing his mouth to hers.
“You didn’t even try the garlic bread. That was supposed to be the clincher.”
