Page 135 of Finally Mine
“I don’t know if I can be what he needs me to be, okay?” Gloria snapped.
“What does he want you to be other than happy?”
“Who spends ten years in a relationship where they’re treated like garbage? Who stays? I’m damaged, Mama. I’m walking around with an entire set of baggage!”
Sara blinked at her coolly. Empathy had never been her mother’s strong suit.
“That is a steaming load of bullshit,” Sara finally commented. “You’re not damaged. You’re scared. You are acting like a coward.”
“I’m being cautious, not cowardly!”
“Do you know how many people would do anything for a love like this? For even an ounce of what you two found in each other? Do you know how many would fight and claw and beg for this? And you throw it away like it’s replaceable?”
“I didn’t throw it away!”She didn’t.She had respectfully announced her need for time and space…and then insinuated that if Aldo didn’t give her both that he never cared about her in the first place. This wasn’t making her feel more confident in her decision. She was heading for a tailspin now, doubting her motives. She might as well be back in the trailer, laying on the threadbare carpet after another fight.
“Are you still dating?” Sara demanded.
“Not at the moment,” Gloria said, grudgingly.
Her mother threw her hands up in the air. Sara Parker was born without a poker face and launched into some very colorful Spanish.
“I thought you’d be proud of me. You never made the same mistake after Dad left. You never jumped into another relationship—”
“Because I amwaitinguntil I find a man who looks at me the way Aldo looks at you. Do you really not know how very lucky you are? How rare that is? I would love to be in a relationship, maybe even a marriage, with a man who loves and respects me. I’m holding out for what you were so quick to dismiss.”
Her mother was never one to pull punches, and Gloria felt every single one of her words as if it were a physical blow.
“I’m trying to do the right thing, the thing that makes the most sense.”
“Mija, sometimes the thing that makes the most sense iswrong. Don’t hide away, trying to protect yourself from ever getting hurt again. It will be a sad and colorless life. Without pain, there is no joy.”
“We were moving too fast.” Stubbornly, she stuck to her guns though her stance was wavering.
“How can you doubt your feelings? I saw the way you looked at him. You loved him. You love him now, and you stand here and pretend you don’t. You were looking for an excuse.”
“I wasn’t looking for an excuse! I don’t know how I feel!”
Sara shook her head, pursed her lips. “You don’t trust yourself. And you never will until you jump in and try hard and deal with the consequences. But first, you must believe. You don’t have to believe that everything will work out and be perfect. You have to believe that you will survive it. You have to know, in your heart, that you will do whatever it takes to chase down your happiness.”
Did she know that? Was she fighting for her happiness, or was she fighting for safety?There was a time in her life that safe meant happy. Did that still hold true now?
“My job is to respect your decisions. I am not here to hold your hand and guide you in life. You are an adult. I will respect this decision, but I will be very disappointed in you.”
“That’s not fair, Mama. I’m doing what’s best for me.”
“You are doing what you think is safest. Safe and best are rarely the same thing.” Sara looked at her and shook her head sadly. “I have never once said this or felt this before, but today I am disappointed in you.”
And with that, her mother swept from the kitchen, leaving behind her a quiet blender and a cloud of disapproval.
77
He wasn’t sure what day it was. All Aldo knew was the pavement blurred beneath his feet. His new running blade, made from carbon fiber-reinforced polymer, was a dream to run on. But the rest of his life felt like a fucking nightmare.
Gloria left, taking the light out of his house…and leaving him with a bad-tempered kitten hell-bent on world domination.
Everything sucked. And he couldn’t fight his way toward what he wanted. Not this time. He didn’t understand where it all went wrong. What had pushed Gloria to embrace the doubts. They were going to move in together.
He’d been planning to propose. Maybe after she moved in, making things more official. Now, he had a damn ring and no Gloria. The gloomy winter morning was looking gloomier by the second. But if he called off work again, Jamilah would make good on her threat to show up at his door with the entire office staff so they could all work from his home.
